THE ULTIMATE ATTRACTION -- LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT

"Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all." -- Alfred Lord Tennyson

Im talking about that romantic attraction -- the kind that stops you in your tracks and lights-off all those fireworks in your head… When you see her (him), it takes your breath away, leaving the most talkative among us, speechless.

There are all kinds of reasons people are attracted to one another… And lately the news is -- we are more attracted to, like minded people… People with similar interests and intelligence. The notion that opposites attract has taken a back seat to actual evolution… That primal instinct to survive.., and procreate with the best possible mate might play more of a roll, than just blind luck.

While the human body, brain and spirit are truly amazing -- I mean, just the fact they we can stand-upright and walk is a freakin' miracle, when you think of all things that have to be working in complete accordance with the other… And while attraction and love at first sight have a birthplace in our subconscious -- we are not sheep.

If as we understand all these elements.., and then, just throw them to the wind and let the universe do it's thing. As long as you are in touch with who are YOU are, it should all work out. It's just how we are wired.., *and have been for thousands of years...

QUICK STORY:

When I first moved to Los Angeles from NYC (Hells Kitchen), which is in itself a major culture shock -- everything is different. You drive everywhere (you never drive in Hells Kitchen), people are all tan with tone bodies, all on display -- because the weather is so freakin' nice. Well. I had been there for only about a week, my roommate was away and I had the place to myself… I decided to cook and chill (maybe puff a little, too), so I went to the local grocery store on Sunset Blvd -- Chalet Gourmet.

Even the grocery stores were nicer… I picked out a nice tri-tip.., and was going to toss it on the grill on my balcony, that faced the Hollywood Hills (pretty cool visual for a guy from NYC)… I filled up my shopping cart with all kinds of goodies beside that nice looking piece of meat and of course, few bottles of red wine. As Im putting all my groceries on the little conveyor belt at the cashier, there was this amazingly hot woman in line right behind me -- staring at my tri-tip.

First-off, I cannot believe how hot this lady was -- but why the f#%k is she staring at that really nice looking piece of meat… Then it hits me -- Im in LA.., people are healthier out there then they are in Hells Kitchen.., and for only being there for a week, it was already obvious they ate a lot less -- red meat. So, here is this hottie eyeing my meat (not my meat, the tri-tip) and Im sure she is going to have something completely negative to say about it, or me for eating it…

Finally, I look right at her (stare at her) as she continues to eye-ball the tri-tip… She sees me staring at, looks right at me flashing a smile to die for.., and licks her beautiful lips. My mind is going insane (and so are other parts) and she says -- "that tri-tip looks fucking amazing!" At this point, I start looking around for the cameras, Im sure I am being PUNK'D… Needless to say, there were no cameras, so I look right at her and reply -- "Im gonna throw it on the grill tonight, wanna join me?"

The whole time this is going on, the cashier is completely intrigued by the whole situation.., and she (the cashier) looks up and says -- "did you just ask her to come to your place for dinner, just like that..?" -- she's stunned. The hot woman doesn't miss a beat -- "Are you serious, I'd love too!" Again, the cashier almost falls to the floor in disbelief (very funny)…

I gave her my address out in the parking lot and tell her to come on by whenever, Im going to pop a few bottles of wine once I get home… "Great, I'll go clean up a bit and head on over…" Sounds like a plan -- I can't freakin' believe it. First week in LA and the hottest chick I've seen so far (and they're everywhere out there) is coming over for dinner…

When I get home, I clean up a bit, get the grill going, pop the wine.., and twist one up -- this is going to be a gooooood night… About an hour later I hear a pull up, music blasting -- I open the front door and I see a shiny red corvette.., and out steps the woman from the grocery store, wearing a skin tight black cat suit… And then it happened -- as she walked in, I handed her a glass of wine and -- nothing. We both looked at each other with these blank stares -- and for some reason I was turned-off. And in the same moment, I could tell she had the reaction…

So, instead of struggling through a whole dinner.., we finished our glass of wine, acknowledged exactly what was going on -- and said good night. She was there for about 20-30 minutes.., and I never saw her again. WTF!!!
Now, I know this is supposed to be about attraction -- love at first sight… And Im sure we both thought this night was going wind-up with coffee in the morning on my balcony. I mean, I couldn't have been more physically attracted to her.., and in the parking lot, she made reference to how cute she thought I was… But once she walked into my place -- immediately, we couldn't have been less attracted to anyone (like we were enemies from a past life, or something)…

You see just like attraction, when our subconscious takes over and plants the seed that we should be attracted to the person, for some specific reasons we have trapped away in there -- this was our subconscious telling us, in no uncertain terms -- NO, YOU ARE NOT ATTRACTED TO THIS PERSON! No matter how complicated us humans like to make things, we have these mechanisms to guide us on are way, that we are totally unaware of… The subconscious will always try and keep you safe -- that whole survival thing.

So, when you see that person, that knocks your socks off.., it's your subconscious telling you -- Yeah, this is good for you, or maybe the subconscious is relating her to somebody from your past, that was really good for -- a perfect mate, to keep the gene pool up to standards… It's all very primitive, no matter how books they write about it.

Elements Of Attraction

In my case with the girl from the grocery.., we had all the elements of attraction working for us -- Physical Attraction, Psychological Attraction and Behavioral Attraction.., hands down. But then a primal signal got sent to us from our subconscious, that this could be detrimental to our health -- harmful. Usually, most people will ignore this signal and suffer through a whole dinner, some even through years of a bad relationship.

So even with all three elements of attraction on our side...

• Physical: we were definitely into the way each of us looked, dressed, both had good hygiene -- even the vette worked.

• Psychological: our personalities meshed well at the store -- funny, cheerful, playful.., pleasant. It's this psychological side of things, where you can fall into the "friend zone" and kill any chance of a sexual relationship, if this is what the dominant attraction is…

• Behavioral: when people are sexy just by the way they hold themselves, the way they act. A confidence that shines through and over shadows the fact, that they might not be the most classically attractive. But they have a way about them...

But then there are those evolutionary traits that we just can't do anything about -- they are part of our nature. Built up over time, like a giant oak tree that grows towards the sun. Like I said earlier.., it's all pretty simple if we just get out of our own way… And even though, love at first sight, might be our subconscious tricking us into thinking this is the one, with faded memories of old love or admiration -- it will in the end sort things out.

After all, we are in control (although I will admit when in the throes of love it may not seem that way) with who we are attracted too… Just because your subconscious leads to a certain someone for reasons you are not aware of -- you might detest their personality, or when you get a little closer they could have horrible body odor -- stink. Or they might act like a complete ass… Once we add these less desirable traits the attraction we thought was one for the ages -- is over before it even started.

Im all for science.., and explanations of things… And all the information they have been able to deduce from the way our brain behaves to our need for survival and all that -- but in the end, it's your ass out there, your heart that can be broken… So yes, listen to your gut, follow your instincts, just know that's what's going on with those fireworks going off in your head. And a piece of personal advice -- never be afraid to fall and fall hard. Cause in the end, those same instincts could lead to the love of your life… We've all heard it before -- "It is better to thane alive and lost..."

As for me though… I still believe there is an element most studies leave out -- magic. Try and describe it, label it.., give it some grand scientific explanation -- there is something mysterious about attraction and especially love at first sight. Something you can't quite put your finger on.., and probably shouldn't, either… For what is true love without a little mystery.., a trust in the unknown, that put the two of you together in one place, for the sheer purpose of meeting.., and falling in love…


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