My Spiritual struggles While Painting

While working on this painting several evenings ago my mind was racing and I had to stop and pick up my journal and write. There were several stopping points where I was able to continue painting but then I was again seized with the necessity to continue writing. This went on and on until there was no more to write or to paint that evening and I went to bed!

I will transcribe the stream of consciousness:

"17Aug17 Tomorrow I am 76!

I have a hard time surrendering to God. I had to work thru the beliefs around the word GOD as opposed to being guided by my Higher Consciousness or the Larger Consciousness Field. To anthropomorphize it makes me feel less which I am not. I am painting for the greater glory of God and am a conduit for His/My experience of magic. The painting I realize is really just for me. It is my lesson from God, my gift from God's great consciousness. God is showing me freedom, from beliefs about Art! Art that is not "Art", true art. The other is an idea about what is art, except for those that are first and foremost inspired fully.

God, you are lowering the entropy of the painting. New meanings, inclusive of the old.

The piece becomes a diamond of its own meaning, reflected upon itself in the many distortions, reinterpretations, wavelength change, flavors, nuances, variations. Everything supports everything else and echoes the else. You are like an Ouigi Board with God. You are expanding into the viewpoint of God and you reduce entropy; more meaning, universes within universes.

The painting is for me! When I'm alone, growing from that contact with God it is OK to pass it on to others. Eventually, someone will be exposed to it who has evolved enough to see it and they will be healed! :)

There are so many layers of meaning that can be brought out. Any great artist could keep working on mine and make it better- more meaning.

I keep transforming the space of the painting evolving to a richer communication as taught by Hayter. He taught me a building block which supports my foundation.

I am creating a treat for the eyes and energy field. I want the viewer addicted to looking at the painting in the same way that a viral male caresses a beautiful sexy woman with his eyes and can't tear away."

I studied at the Atelier 17 in Paris France with Stanley William Hayter