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You can't want anything when meditating, all you will see is the wanting. The mind can only see one thing at a time, so stay on primary meditation object and RELAX! Most of the time nothing will happen, this is very much like getting the dirt ready for gardening.

I've never meditated but I thought you just let thoughts pass through you, without judgment. This seems more like observing what happens, which feels different. Am I totally clueless about meditation?

There are thousands of meditations one can practice. I practice several kinds of meditation, the first method I learned is called vipassana meditation from the Buddhist Theravada tradition at https://www.dhamma.org/en-US/index. I've learned several other methods from different traditions as I studied and found other teachers over these last 20 years. One must be very careful when going to meditation retreat. It's kind of like exploring a house full of treasures, clutter, unknown rooms with some monsters hiding in the closets. That's why one needs a teacher and support group when seriously meditating, like going to retreats.

Also there are a bunch of guru scams and meditation retreats waiting to take your money and energy, so one has to be very careful. The spiritual path is very dangerous, freedom is always very dangerous ;-) lololol

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