The story behind the last portrait of our mother. In Memoriam

Six months back I was told that our mother had to contend with accute leukemia. Without any healing in the prospect, the focus was focused now on the comfort of her last life time.
My brothers, sisters and meself (Mom had six children) were convened to listen to her last wishes.
Hot item was quality of life and self-determination if life had no qualities no more.

One of her wishes was a drawed portrait instead of a picture for her "in Memoriam" card.
(Our Mother never liked to be photographed, so there were no good and/or nice pictures available that could be used).

So I was asked to make her portrait...

I've made many drawings in my life ... masses! But this portrait was yet the hardest to make. And I am not speaking about technical difficulties but about the intention. Nothing more difficult than to paint a portrait that will serve for an 'in memorium' card, where the portrayed is still alive . Plus... the fact that it's your own mother makes it incredible hard to make.

So, I retreated in silence and serenity to start with a few sketches, on the basis of some existing photos.
But as I said, the photos had little quality to make really good drawings.
After that, I start with pictures that we took secretly, but also these images weren't good enough to make a clear portrait. In order to make a good portrait I had to have a clear picture and for that she had to pose So I went to her on stockings feet, sat beside her, hit an arm around her and explained her my process.
Without much further explanation she allowed me to photograph her and she even posed with a cautious smile
I would like to underline that this was a unique event, because Ma never posed and if you took a picture unexpectedly and she noticed, she became anoying...

Two months back I started with the final portrait and while drawing, both in sketch-as finishing phase, I was often overpowered by flashback. Where I was thrown back to a specific conversation or situation. And with the departure in mind such memories come much harder.

I can honestly say that this portrait was a pre processing of my mourning period. With each line and brush stoke I took farewell, little by little. until I came at a certain finishing phase and that was the moment that I blocked ... I dived so strongly in that drawing that there arised a strong superstition; If I should finish it, Mom would be less longer amongst us. And I wanted to postpone as long as possible, so the drawing was stored for several weeks ... unfinished.

It was one week ago, when she ended up again in the hospital that I had the courage to put it back on my drawing board to assemble and finish it with baby steps...

Four days, after I finished Mom's portrait, she passed away .
To be exact, last night at 03:30pm

Lonely under a faded sky
with grey grief
Time heals no wounds
but teaches you to live with loss.

A latest trip
only at the helm
Out ...
Be redeemed and fly free

You're going to be away
but
leave us

As cherished in memories
you'll be always in hearts

Rest in peace now, dear Mom
and let us meet
there
where I always love you

In loving memorie of our Mother, Mireille Vereecke
R.I.P.

romaan-namoor