Hi @vermillionfox! Thanks for sharing your story. It must have been tough for you and I hope you've come out of it stronger and wiser. I resonate a lot with your story which reminds me of my very first relationships in my twenties. The thing is that if you are attracted to these type of men it means you fall in the category of co-dependent people, which have been abused in one way or another in their childhood. I found the videos of Lisa A Romano very enlightening and helpful on this matter. Check out this one here

I hope it will help you understand more about the narcissistic abusive relationships. But Lisa has tons of valuable video on her channel if you resonate with her and her message. Take care! :)