_{I was going all sorts of directions eh?}

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Coming home after two and half years meant seeing my old artworks after the first major hiatus (in 2015) since drawing again.

It actually took a month before I saw the drawings because of mental conflicts. Coming home meant a lot to me, and I swore I wanted to draw right away, but as usual, it was a challenge. Picking up a habit has always been hard for me even though we are talking about making arts here. But the second I decided to build my small yet cozy creative space, I knew I only needed a small nudge on the shoulder to get starter, and that's when I saw @artguildph's contest.

_{June to August 2017 Artworks}

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For the record, the drawings I did last year was all about labor of love. I intensively worked for about 4 months and the results were everything I ever hoped for. Signed up to a lot of art related websites, bought art videos and tutorials online, read a bunch of articles and books, and watch hundreds of YouTube videos.

If you are interested in knowing how I learned all these in roughly 4 months, you can check the links and recommended books below:

• Drawing The Bargue
• The Da Vinci Initiative
• Charles Bargue: Drawing Course by Charles Bargue
• The Human Figure by John H. Vanderpoel
• The Practice and Science of Drawin by Harold Speed
• Constructive Anatomy by George B. Bridgman
  
  
  _{If you are curious about how I came to love art and all its glory, you can check these links which I have written in my first albeit not working steemit account: Art Diary: Slow And Steady (Part I) & Art Diary: Slow And Steady (Part II) by @ablckbrd.}
  
  The 2 drawings above was after the Hollywood actress Amanda Seyfried. It all started with Amanda, so might as well end the year (I started drawing again) with another Amanda, right? Threee months in between and look at the progress. I cannot remember if I did draw everyday, but I am sure there's no week where I did not do something artsy.
  
  

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_{Artworks in 2012}

I can still remember the feeling of finally adding more depth to my drawings. As you can tell from my first 2 drawings, the tonal value is very light, almost unnoticeable. It stems from the fear of messing the drawing. The proportions were so bad, everything was screaming hard lines, there was no transition of tones; bottom line, it was more like a stick drawing.

But I drew almost everyday. The fire was there again.

I ditched college completely at that time; only focusing on what matters at the moment ― making art. Honestly, I went nuts because back in the days, I can never bring myself to draw portraits because people can get so judgmental, and it made me more anxious than I already am.

But after finishing my first Amanda Seyfried portrait, I knew in my heart of hearts that I wanna be an artist. I want to draw and paint for a living even if it means sacrificing the dreams my parents have for me.

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_{Artworks in 2013}

My art journey back in 2013 was pretty all over the place. I tried all sorts of media available: watercolor, gouache, acrylic, charcoal, oil and soft pastel, you name it. I was mostly inspired by artists I often watch in YouTube; those who were on the popular radar of the community.

I was also heavily influenced by artists in Tumblr! It was all about colors and alien objects and fantasy which I frankly struggled with because I find it hard to imagine despite being an #INFP myself.



And then I got into #hyperrealism which really brought out every ounce of patience in me. It was all perfect because I am very much into details. I learned how to build values and draw even the tiniest detail the eyes can see. Few of my works that year were sold or given to friends.

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And in 2014, I started getting into Classical Art after discovering Vermeer's paintings. I knew about Mona Lisa and all the famous ones, but I never knew about Girl With The Pearl Earring until that year. It moved me so much and I felt like I didn't choose Classical art, but it chose me. Days were spent mindlessly tracking down paintings of the masters and it brought me to where I am today.

_{Artworks in 2014}

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It's not about talent alone.

When you ask my friends, one of the adjectives they'll use to describe me is talented. But being labeled as one brought ugly misconceptions of myself. If I don't win this competition, am I not talented enough? If I copy a drawing from a photo and use grid lines, am I not talented enough? If my characters aren't original, am I not talented enough?

Questions kept on piling and it crippled me. My fear of rejection intensified and I lived one pretentious life to keep up with all the pointless drama of being a talented artist.

It's like this ―

"Talent can't be taught, but it can be awakened." ― Wallace Stegner

But then,

"Hard work beats talent when talent doesn't work hard." ― Tim Notke

I learned to give credit to the sleepless nights spent drawing or spent watching tutorials online. I learned to let go of being called talented and learned embracing the fact that I myself is a work in progress (WIP) that needs hundreds of time for practice. I learned that hustling is the way to go when feeling downright uninspired. I learned that being talented won't get me from point A to B unless I work hard.

I am far from genius, but with a bit of talent, a whole new level of dedication, perseverance, and hard work, I will be where I'm meant to be.

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