I won't pretend to completely undestand or give wise advise.

I worry you are sad and searching. All I can say is that at my age the one thing I keep coming back to is I'm still standing! Without details, it seems I have always been the fix it person for my family. In doing so it became obvious that I had to pick and choose my battles or I would not be able to withstand.

Some battles were even downgraded to 'who cares' simply because I didn't have the time or energy to deal.

So maybe prioritize your worries, causes of distress and sadness. Hopefully if you examine these individually instead of approaching as a whole, you can identify and resolve some misgivings or worries and have time to create without so much cluttering your mind. Maybe then the rest will fall into place.