My issue with staring and happy crushes

The research meeting

It was the last week of November. My superior at work, who, for the sake of storytelling, I'd call Sir J, brought me with him in a research meeting on a machine learning project. He thought I'd learn more about machine learning if I participate on a bigger project first-hand.

Sure enough, I later found myself being introduced to a group of people who I felt were big people - you know, those who pocketed masters and doctoral degrees with them. Sir J hastily introduced me to the team and said, "Team, meet Aira. She's also a physicist, and is interested in big data analysis."

I couldn't even look them in the face as I introduced myself - I was that nervous. 

"Hi, I'm Aira."

Sometime later, Doc J, the project leader, said, "A, will you do the honors?" (Doc J was so kind and friendly, bless him.)

The happy crush

My heart fluttered. There, right across from me, sat a seriously good-looking guy with a really contagious smile. He started with "Hi, Aira. My name is A. I'm actually from *insert a really good engineering institute here* OK, team, for Aira's sake, let me introduce the project -" yada yada yada.

The whole time, he was keeping eye-contact with me. And I couldn't look away. In my head, I was screaming, "STOP STARING AT ME!" If I could, I would have exploded. Instantly, I knew. 

I finally have a happy crush!

Well, it didn't last long

Of course, it was flitting. It was the kind of crush that was shallow - it was the kind when I feel giddy when I knew I'd be in the same research meeting with him. Weeks later, the crush faded. Yeah, it was that shallow.

However... one time in December, Sir J decided to complicate my already complicated research. 

Because of the added load, he decided that I should focus on my own research and not attend our weekly meeting with the machine learning team. I agreed; the load was too much. I needed to do things one at a time.

I was so focused on coding a script and cursing at it when I heard someone call Sir J. 

"J, let's go?" the voice said.

"Give me a minute," I heard Sir J reply.

I didn't heed them any longer. Maybe it was another of Sir J's many research teams. I focused on the assigned tasks to me and continued cursing at my ugly scripts - messy hair and all. 

I probably looked crazy.

"A, let's go?"

I paused. A?

The embarrassment

I felt the sudden impulse to look beside me. And to my surprise, A was there. A hand under his chin, he was looking down at me and the craziness I was doing. 

And he was staring. Again.

My face burning, I gave him an awkward grin and subsequently hid my face. Oh, my gas. Stop staring already!

Apparently, he came to fetch Sir J and I, which was a first. Our weekly research meeting had moved 40 minutes later, and I wasn't aware of that. I was still hiding my face when I heard him ask if I was going to follow.

Sir J subsequently replied with a negative - ha. His orders, after all. 

Minutes after they'd left, I still couldn't get over it. I could've sworn I heard Sir J laugh, and if he knew I had a happy crush on A, he didn't say. I seriously hope he wouldn't mention it in any way, shape, or form.

If that happens, then God forbid; let the earth open up and swallow me whole.

My gooosh. Having a happy crush sure is hard.

---

Aira's notes: HAPPY 2018, EVERYONE! Have a fruitful and peaceful New Year with your loved ones. And while this post is seriously crazy and embarrassing (and I've half the feeling I'd regret this later in my life), it'd be awesome if you could comment your thoughts. My 2018 goal: engage more.

Thank you for reading! :D