BEASTLY TALES

THE TOUPEE

Reginald Ratbag was losing his hair,
Baldness was encroaching, people would stare.
One day, in a manner most decisive,
He determined upon a matter devisive!
He would purchase a wig, a rug, a toupee.
His girlfriend would be pleased, “Hip, Hip Hooray!”
But his girlfriend failed to be impressed.
She disapproved of how, with his head, he had messed.
She grabbed the rug and tossed it asunder,
Oh, how Ratbag regretted his blunder.

Enter now, a quite different bloke,
His life story was a bit of a joke.
Young and foolish, a brash fellow indeed,
His life’s story, a downward spiral, with speed.
When he was younger, a Bucks Party he had.
His friends were quite wild. He a bit of a lad.
They drank far into the night.
When he awoke, a bit of a fright!
His head, partly shaved, displayed “I’m a Nutter.”
The tattooist had added extra “N’s” so he appeared to stutter.
The tattoo so read “I’m a N,N,Nutter” instead.
Indelibly stamped upon is stupid, unruly head.
Eventually his hair grew back. Matter forgotten.
But, in time, an onset of baldness. Oh, how rotten!
And he lived on the streets, slept in the gutter.
His pale bald head, the colour of butter,
Declaring, for all to see,
“I’m a N,N, Nutter,” exponentially.
So when Oscar Awkward, for that was his name.
Saw the stray wig, no owner to blame,
He slapped it quite hastily, onto his head, just the same.
Protection at last, no chortles or giggles,
No further need of a leather hat, like Biggles.
His secret was safe, no more “I’m a N, N, Nutter.”
Unless the wind capriciously blew off his wig, in a flutter.

Oscar Awkward gained confidence in his new toupee,
People would now say, “Good Morning or Good Day!”
His older friends still called him “Nutter”,
At such an address he would morosely mutter,
“I’m no longer the Nutter, but the “Showboat”,
Especially when dressed in his new fur coat,
Which he had found hanging up in a tree,
It had cost him nought. In fact, it was free!