BEASTLY TALES

THE SEAT OF THE MATTER

Neil Overton was inflicted with haemorrhoids,
Unusually for him, he was lost for “woids”.
He reluctantly went to seek medical advice,
And what was discovered was not very nice!
“You are overweight, morbidly obese,”
“Your stomach hangs down, close to your knees!”
“You clearly drink too much, which is more than just silly”
“And you overuse spices, particularly chilli.”
“I’ll prescribe for you a most special unguent,”
“The aroma of this is incredibly pungent.”
“So, indeed, wherever you go,”
“That haemorrhoids you have, yes, people will know!”

Those emollients, potions and lotions tried before,
Didn’t work long enough to exit the door.
So despite the downsides of a pungent unguent,
(Having haemorrhoids did not make one a fun gent!)
Neil Overton got to the bottom of matters.
With drastic action, that would give your teeth chatters.
He would soak for hours in a mud bath,
Until all was quite red, from neck to the calf.
Bland salads become his “plat de Jour.”
Anything else he’d avoid, if at all unsure.
That unguent, of course, didn’t work very well.
But he couldn’t avoid it, due to it’s smell!