BEASTLY TALES

THE POLITICIAN

In many countries voting is compulsory,
They have to do that, due to the nitwits you see,
Running for Parliament seats nowadays,
Their lack of good sense and class does amaze.
Of course if they happen to be selected,
In other words they are elected,
They can draw on a bureaucratic source,
Of knowledge and experience, of course,
And, if they are re-elected with some repetition
They may eventually, against stiff competition,
Make it to a Cabinet position in time,
The ultimate goal, though, is to be the Minister Prime.
The way to these goals is to create little fuss,
And to have a thick hide, like a rhinoceros.

Hubert Honeysuckle was the member for Gizzard,
He was voted in by a landslide blizzard,
Not because he was the best on offer,
Or that he had anything worthy to proffer.
Many opinions of voters, yes, their voices,
Were that he was the least worse of the choices.
He was absolutely determined to make his mark,
For him this Parliament thing wasn’t a lark.
His political platform was rather cute,
“Prevent Insanely Stupid Stickers on Fine Fruit”.
The acronym for this worthy cause,
May give some cause for pause,
PISS OFF it turns out to be,
Hubert was outraged, you can see.
With the annoying habit of having stickers on each fruit
(This habit must certainly be given the boot).
Which are hard to peel off without damage to skin,
Alternatively, one could swallow them, such a gross sin.

If a compost bin you do own,
You’ll note that fruit/veg are prone,
To break down to compost very nicely.
But the stupid stickers may stay precisely,
As they were, off the printers press,
Oh, what a useless stupidity, what a mess!
Naturally, for this unwanted addition,
Consumers must pay for this cost sedition,
Yes, they must bear the additional price
For something that is decidedly very un-nice.
That is to say, these insane stickers,
The cause of all these stupid bickers.
Did we mention the question of hygiene yet?
No one ever thought of that I bet.
Germs of all sorts find welcome abodes,
Around these imbecilic stickers thought up by toads.

And so Hubert to Parliament went,
In order that his “platform” he could vent.
With understatement he would recklessly flirt,
But always ready to expound, always alert,
To opportunities to extend his vendetta,
In inordinate detail, right down to the letter.
As you will undoubtedly notice, when you go to the store,
Hubert’s campaign turned out to be a fruitless chore.
Yes, fruit still has a proliferation of stickers.
It is enough to get right up your knickers,
But, as we have already heard,
Things to do with politics are absurd.