BEASTLY TALES

THE JUDGE

He was known both far and wide,
(For few felons could he abide),
As the “Hanging Judge” of County Durham,
Agreed by any meeting with a quorum
That he was to be avoided, if one could,
For hanging was the only punishment he understood.

Sunken cheeks in a cadaverous face,
He was, indeed, a very real disgrace,
To the esteemed body of jurisprudence,
All agreed he should go, but they were too dense
And so Godolphin kept the hangman busy,
The clerks of Court overworked and dizzy.
Extra gallows had to be quickly built,
Gibbets were always full, up to the hilt.
The judicature tried to vote him out,
But they were left, not in the slightest doubt,
That Godolphin wouldn’t easily go,
That mean spirited, cranky so and so!
And so he pursued his career as a legal drudge,
Working his way through the judicial sludge.
When he came out with loquacious excrement,
Folk would have to ask what he had really meant.
On and on he’d go with so much drivel,
Whilst the defendant in dock would shake and snivel.
For talking codswallop Godolphin did excel,
Every aspect of a case he would tell and retell.
Until the defendant risked expiration
Through not surviving the trial duration.

How could one get rid of such an unpleasant clown?
At least from the bench, if not all the way down.
The thought came about that the public would queue,
To attend the trial of one Godolphin Fortescue.
Yes, they would put him on trial,
For his behaviour, profoundly vile.
So, the court would now adjudicate,
On the judges performance of late.
Sending off a long subpoena to the judge,
The judicature knew their opinion wouldn’t budge
Godolphin had had so many unjustly hung,
It was good that to justice he should be “brung”.
When the court, at last, did convene,
Godolphin looked out of sorts, somewhat obscene.
When asked whether he pleaded guilty, or not,
He told the court, “In hell you should rot!”
The trial continued for a considerable while,
The prosecutor consulting a very thick file,
At last the jury did determine,
That “Guilty” was the finding for this vermin.
The presiding judge was handed his “black cap”,
And pronounced capital sentence on the poor chap.

The thought ‘Do unto others” springs to mind,
Godolphin was now in a bit of a bind,
If you want, in life, to be fairly dealt,
You must, for others, have empathy felt.
This is something Godolphin steadfastly refused to do.
Such behaviour he was now to rue.
Such sentiments he never said,
As he was hung until he was dead!