BEASTLY TALES - THE HEALTH INSPECTOR
Welcome to Beastly Tales. Each has a message, a moral. All are meant to have an element of humour. Naturally, any names included do not depict real folk but are included as part of the joke.
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(As with Beastly Banter Beastly Tales is written and illustrated by Richard Hersel.)
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THE HEALTH INSPECTOR
Local Councils employ people to go,
To cafe’s and restaurants, you know,
To ensure that hygiene is very good,
In the preparation of customer’s food.
There was a cafe’ called The Greasy Spoon,
Run by a bald, fat fellow, a real loon.
Most of the menu was deep fried,
With thick butter on bread, on the side.
The accrued grease behind the stove,
Was very thick, although the fat fellow strove,
To scrape it off to put in the lard bin.
Chips were fried in this lard and put in a tin,
They were fried yet again, when a customer ordered.
Cholesterol in dangerous levels, bordered.
The breakfast trade was a good fry-up,
With bacon and eggs, beans and, yup,
A large serving of deep-fried bread,
More than one serving, you’d soon be dead!
The health inspector came by one day.
To check that cleanliness was O.K.
He stared with morbid fascination,
At the thick, thick grease foundation,
Around the stove and behind the fryer,
Hesitantly he did now enquire,
“When was the last time this was cleaned?”
He listened in astonishment to what he gleaned.
“I think it be about 1974”,
“It be when we put on the new front door”,
“You see, it says OPEN and CLOSED”,
“To use a cardboard to cover one it was supposed”.
“To bring us, like, up to date”,
“And, as you may know, we always close late”.
“Folks like to have their Cod and chips”,
“After many beers have crossed their lips”.
Said the Health Inspector, “I’m a little perturbed”,
“That our random check, has you disturbed”,
“It is undoubtedly plain to see”,
“That cockroaches and bacteria could not be”,
“Alive in such an environment vile”,
“You’ve passed your inspection by a mile!”