BEASTLY TALES

THE ART CRITIC

Sebastian Palette was a self styled art critic.
Unable to paint his liking for art was quite specific.
His abilities seemed to be buried.
Like critics in disciplines varied,
He was talentless in the discipline he’d chosen,
His enthusiasm appeared to be frozen,
Others’ work he’d appraise, on a critical basis,
Judging, mostly adversely, in many cases.
Gaining a reputation as a career buster,
Expounding all the pompous drivel he could muster.
So called learned halls of art would listen well,
To the Art Critic, his appraisal to tell,
Of course, many more nasty things could be said,
If the subject artist was known to be dead.

He was a contributing writer for magazines of art.
Their editors referred to him as a silly old fart.
But the art loving public was under the spell,
Of this know-it-all Art Critic from hell!
Harden now, to this painter failure,
Deriding artistic effort from Europe to Australia,
“Look at all this coloured paint slush,”
“Obviously applied with a toilet brush.”
“Heed the gaps where the sky should be.”
“It looks as though he spilled his morning tea.”
“Impressionist painting is the only way,”
“That such an artist could save the day!”

“No, I shall never give any tribute,”
“To such an awful, talentless brute.”
“For to paint most beautifully.”
“Of the right temperament the painter should be.”
“Without such an asset this artist clearly is.”
“Destined to never have talent, it’ll never be his.”
“So I suggest that in future he confines,”
“His display of art, so only his mother opines.”

Along came Ignatius Ultraclod.
A vulnerable art writer, a quite silly sod.
He billed himself as an Art Critic’s Critic,
Enabling him to be constructive and apolitic.
When he looked at critic Palette his face would go purple and red,
He could not contend with anything he said.
Ultraclod wrote in his column a thing or two,
Against Palette’s often venomous brew.
That he had published in the Art Gazette.
The most preposterous appraisal yet.
“This Palette Art Critic should now, with a bang,”
“Be brought to an Art Gallery where he should hang!”