BEASTLY TALES

OUTRAGEOUS BEHAVIOUR

Nowadays many people have outrageous expectations.
They figure they have rights, with no obligations.
Their behaviour can be obnoxiously bad,
But, should they need help, and no help’s to be had,
They get greatly infuriated, decidedly mad.

Three yobbos in the country, driving their ute,
All going well, seeming so beaut.
The ute breaks down far from a town,
The yobbos disembark, each with a frown.
“Eff this for a lark, what we gonna do?”
“Makes me so effing mad, I want to spew.”
They tried to restart it multiple times,
“Effing narks me this does,” wiping off grimes,
“We’ll have to wait for help, that’s right queer,”
“And while we do, we’ll ‘ave an effing beer!”
“Yes, we’ll ‘ave an effing beer while we wait,”
“It’s 9a.m. Ah look, there’s an effing gate!”
They looked, and looked again, what was there?
They saw a figure with white, white hair,
“Oi mate, could youse give us a push?”
“Our ute’s broken down an’ were in the bush.”
The figure retorted, “I’m a pensioner, can’t help,”
You should have heard the three of them yelp.

They were there for hours, depleting their esky of beer.
Then old Mrs McGillicuddy came driving near.
Thinking them to be just poor souls needing aid,
She pulled up her Morris Minor, “Good Morning,” she bade.
“Hello gran, we’re in an effing pickle,”
“If we ‘ad more time I’d give you a tickle!”
“But could you give us an effing lift to town?”
“As you can see, we’ve effing broken down.”

With grime and muck and sweaty bodies,
They barged their way in, no way were they shoddies.
They each had a foaming beer can,
Breathing beer fumes all over, as the car ran.
“Well gran, it’s good you came along,”
And then they broke into lewd song.
They reached the next town and stopped at the Pub,
“Won’t be long Gran, we’ll just get some tinnies in a slab”
“Then you can drive us back to our ute cab.”
“We called up an effing mate of a mate,”
“He should be there soon, if ‘es not late.”
So Mrs McGillicuddy, realizing she was in a mess,
Drove them back to their vehicle under duress.

Of course, nowadays, one has to be so careful.
Not worth the risk to be bold and dareful.
Picking up hitch-hikers can be thwart with peril.
Just consider the case of poor, generous, Errol.
He pulled up, between country towns,
To offer a lift to a walker enroute to Upson Downs.
Much to his consternation, he noted a most vile smell,
Combination of ash tray, body odour and grog as well.
So distracted by this vile aroma, was Errol,
Thinking his passenger to be wild and Feral,
That he inadvertently ran off the road,
And then was sued for injury by the toad.

Of course, it could have been so much worse,
Could have been a violent crime, chapter and verse.
Stopping to pick up an obnoxious dolt,
Could lead to robbery or sexual assault.
The boundaries of good behaviour seem to be lacking in this day and age.
Appreciation and etiquette, they’ve ripped out the page!