BEASTLY TALES

OTTO WINS LOTTO

Otto Clipzinger rarely bought lottery tickets.
“I don’t buy them because they’re sticky wickets”
“I never win anything so what purpose do they serve?”
“All they achieve is to add stress to my nerve”
But one day, when with Fritz he was out,
He purchased a ticket, although with some doubt.
The ticket he secreted in his pocket,
And then, promptly, he readily forgot it.
Some weeks later Fritz gave him a call.
“I see your lotto ticket came in, one and all!”

Otto couldn’t believe his luck.
Generally, in a rut he was stuck.
“You mean that something good happened to me?”
“Wow! I can have extra sausage for tea.”
Otto decided, as he no longer had to scrimp and scrape,
That new clothes, on his fat frame he would drape.
Not only that, but feeling extra hale and hearty,
He, at the German Club, would have a party!
Said Otto, “We’ll invite all our friends,”
Fritz responded, “That’s where the plan ends!”
“Because, although not imagined by mother,”
“The only friend each of us has is the other.”

Otto thought, “Well as cost is not a concern,”
“We’ll invite ALL club members, so they won’t yearn”
“To receive an invitation in the mail,”
“Yes, we’ll invite them all, without fail.”
“Except for that Katzenjammer lout!”
“He and his family are most definitely out.”
“And, while we are at it, delete Hans Schieskopf too,”
“He called me a thief, without further ado.”
“The family of Herr and Frau Goering,”
“They are just so boring.”
Fritz said, “Don’t forget the family Von Trapp!”
“The husband once called you a load of crap!”

And so through the Club membership they worked,
Every single one of them had significantly jerked,
Either Otto or Fritz around once or twice,
With consequences that were not very nice.
Said Otto to Fritz, “It looks after all,”
“That there will be no party, this does really appal!”
So, in order to have a better think,
Off they now went, to indulge in a drink.

“Perhaps we could instead take a cruise,”
“There would be plenty of food and booze.”
“What’s more, there’d be no-one we know,”
“No-one that has upset us, the status quo.”
So they went off to the agent of travel,
To seek assistance for travel plans to unravel.
They looked at what choice they could choose,
For the next available oceanic cruise.
They chose one to Samoa, Fiji and Tahiti,
Fritz ogling Otto said, “We might meet a sweetie,”
Otto looked at his and Fritz’s paunch,
Saying, “I don’t think so, not after lunch.”

The day of cruise departure arrived rather quickly,
Neither Otto nor Fritz had thought of sea-sickly,
But, as they were going up the boarding ramp,
To their horror, their eyes did clamp,
On the whole Katzenjammer family, just ahead.
Otto began to wish he was dead!
And who were they, just further on?
Hans Schieskopf and his Frau Yvonne.
Not only that, the Von Trapps and Goerings,
Otto did not need a set of drawings,
Yes, the whole German club was going on board,
Both Otto and Fritz stared slack-jawed.
Frau Katzenjammer merrily said,
“The German Club booked well ahead,”
“And we all got half price for food and bed.”
Otto and Fritz had paid the full whack,
And knew they were unlikely to get the fifty percent back!
Otto said to Fritz, “I feel so dejected,”
“My good fortune seems now rejected!”