BEASTLY TALES

MONETARY MATTERS

Hiram Hasbeen was a real spendthrift,
A most wasteful person, if you get my drift.
Whereas Octavian Oddball was an inveterate penny pincher.
His history of niggardliness was the clincher.
Indeed, he was of a nature stingy.
It came to him naturally, being so mingy.

Wallace Wastrel was careful in the employment of money.
Spending unwisely he thought not funny.
He was parsimonious, to be sure,
Sewing up his pockets, to prevent falling victim to allure.
In a manner higgledy-piggledy,
His nature was niggardly.
When Wallace Wastrel pulled out his purse,
He had a reaction somewhat adverse.
Sending down his spine, an involuntary shiver,
Proving to all that he was a grudging giver.
Teddy Tightwad was singularly tight-fisted,
To bring wallet to daylight, he had to be assisted.
Any pickpocket was happy to help.
When Teddy discovered his loss he did loudly yelp!

A gentleman who has, sadly, become late.
Was renowned by all as an inveterate cheapskate!
Friends (not many) and family wanted a funeral most fine.
But the deceased wouldn’t fund a coffin of pine,
And so, that gentleman, being as stubborn as an ox,
Wound up being buried in a cardboard box!
His progeny had many wasteful habits,
Furthermore, they bred like rabbits.
So it only took a short period of time,
Before they had blown the lot, down to the last dime.

And let’s not forget the perennial, proverbial skinflint.
Always, for coinage, into his purse he’ll squint,
For sovereigns, Farthings, even a penny.
He’ll look long and hard, to see if there’s any!
Yes, a skinflint is such an entrenched miser,
He will never require the services of a financial adviser.