Welcome to Beastly Tales. Each has a message, a moral. All are meant to have an element of humour. Naturally, any names included do not depict real folk but are included as part of the joke.
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(As with Beastly Banter Beastly Tales is written and illustrated by Richard Hersel.)
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EINS LUMPF ODER ZWEI!
Herr Lumpf had just wed his Frau,
They were in the Wienkeller even now,
Celebrating with Metwurst and Beer,
Very relaxed now their nuptials weren’t near,
No, they had gone on with the deed,
A marriage service in their own creed.
So, now that they were definitely wed,
They retired to their hotel and bed.
“Herr Lumpf, vill you be vanting to haff kinder now?” she did ask.
“Nein,” grunted Herr Lumpf, not feeling up to the task.
“Nine, vot a nice kinder surprise,”
“Nine kinder, how very vise!”
“If ve haffing nine kinder, ve better get started!”
“Ve need our strength, neffer dishearted.”
Herr Lumpf belched metwurst and beer,
“Let’s vait till morning my precious dear!”
“But Herr Lumpf, it is our vedding night!”
“There is vun think you must do very right!”
“But I am too fatigued now my dear,”
“In the morning ve vill try, neffer you fear!”
With that he belched foul fumes again,
Frau Lumpf, disappointment did feign.
“I got married not to haff a lonely bed,”
Herr Lumpf put a fat pillow over his head!
To drive home his point a loud eructation was heard,
Followed by a round of flatulence absurd.
“Ve vill haff to get up early,” Frau Lumpf said.
“Ve haff a honeymoon tour, after ve haff fed.”