BEASTLY TALES

CRYOGENICS

Cuthbert Craddock, whose head was constantly swarming,
With fears and fantasies about Global Warming.
He’d heard how an increase of just two degrees,
Could impact sea levels to well above his knees.
Not only that, but ocean’s higher temperatures could spawn,
Many a more powerful hurricane and storm,
Than had ever been considered close to the norm.
Wild fires were likely to be more prevalent too.
Here, extreme heat and hot winds would be the clue.
And, as Arctic areas lost their immense ice cap,
Frozen spaces could release iced-up spores in a flap.
The wind distributing bacteria laden spores,
Re-introducing diseases, once contained under perma-frost floors.
Not only that, but releasing volumes of methane gas,
Further damaging Earth’s protective atmosphere mass.

Cuthbert simply could not bear any thought,
Of his cadaver buried in ground that was fraught.
With the peril of becoming sizzling hot,
Being cooked like a fricassee in a slow cook pot.
“I must make preparations to counter the risk,”
“And this must be done in a manner most brisk.”
He’d read about Cryogenics in a magazine on hobbies.
A D.I.Y. magazine outlining unusual jobbies.
Having one’s body frozen, for later medical intervention,
Multiple benefits, with the best of intention.
Not only would his cadaver not have to bubble and sizzle,
As it lay under hot earth, cooked to a fizzle,
But, in years to come, medical miracles might resuscitate him,
Making him grateful for his cryogenic whim.
(Of course, he didn’t really believe this,
But, even for the slightest chance, one doesn’t want to miss.)

Any-which-way, Cuthbert bought a large freezer,
From a “Factory Seconds” store run by Ebeneezer.
Yes, “Ebeneezer Everglades’ Factory Seconds”,
Said Cuthbert, “It’ll run forever, or so he reckons.”
“But, as a sensible safeguard,”
“I’ll have a back-up generator, in the yard.”

He fitted a glass panel to the freezer’s door.
For those who liked to stare at what they saw.
“Don’t want them opening the door, allowing hot air in,”
“Want to keep my icy cubicle neat as a pin!”
“Perhaps a jug of martini mix wouldn’t go astray.”
“An exceedingly nice way to start one’s day.”
“But, we don’t want someone, whose behaviour might be erred,”
“To misread requirements, that they be shaken and not stirred.”

So, now all Cuthbert had to do was to wait.
Would Global Warming or a natural death be his fate?
He lived his life right next to his freezer.
The one with the dents, he’d got from Ebeneezer.
Should he pop-off, it would be a simple matter,
To jump right in, dead, so his teeth wouldn’t chatter!

Besides being totally consumed by Global Warming,
Cuthbert thought that he was considerably under-performing.
In the field of being socially popular,
People snubbed him, as being not jocular,
But now, as he was contemplating his deep freeze,
He considered the implications with ease.
People may be inclined to lustily sing,
The following lively words, as they do bring.
Their minds to contemplate Cuthbert Craddock now,
As they considered, through the window, his frozen brow;
For he’s a Jolly Good Fellow,
Freeze a Jolly Good Fellow,
Freeze a Jolly Good Fellow,
And so say all of us!