BEASTLY TALES

A CORE BELIEF

Driving along, a crisp apple, eating,
Larry Litterbug, the law he was cheating.
When he slung the core to the side of the road,
A sudden siren sounded, he thought he’d explode!
A police cruiser did then pull him over,
Just as he, figuratively, was rolling in clover.
The constable leaned on his window sill,
“I saw you chucking rubbish, you’re a bit of a dill.”
“I’m going to cite you for littering,”
“A fine you’ll have, no use jittering.”
“But, officer, it was just an apple core,”
“Totally organic, apple fibre, seeds, nothing more.”
“Littering is littering, and that’s a fact,”
“In the future, watch how you act!”

Leroy Litterbug didn’t pay the fine,
“It’s totally unfair, he did opine.”
Consequently, he was summoned to court.
So he meekly went along, just as he ought.
The Magistrate frowned at him, in a menacing manner.
“You’ve not paid your fine, in the works, you’ve chucked a spanner.”
“But, your honour, I think the fine is unfair.”
“It was only an apple core, now it wouldn’t be there!”
“Some little critter would have eaten it up.”
“Organic, it was, not a Styrofoam cup!”
The magistrate glowered, “You’re lucky to be still at large,”
“Your litter did ricochet off the nose of our Sarge.”
“Yes Sergeant Knumbskull of our Traffic Squad.”
“Ever since this encounter, he’s been acting so odd!”
Grievous Bodily Harm should be the correct change.
He has suffered P.T.S.D, has our dear Sarge.

Larry Litterbug went weak at the knees.
“I didn’t see any Police Sergeant in the trees!”
“He’d gone in there to relieve himself,”
“Couldn’t do it in public, required some stealth!”
“And, all of a sudden, an apple core flying.”
“The poor man, zipping up, thought he was dying.”
“He tried to gain the attention of the office of arrest.”
“But he’s a daft bugger, a real pest.”
“Of course, by the time the Sarge had struggled up the bank,”
“Not even giving a wave as a thank,”
“You’d driven off, pleased as punch,”
“Not realizing the damage you’d done with part of your lunch.”

Larry Litterbug saw that he was in a pickle.
The Law was trying to frame him, even though fickle.
If I plead “guilty” I’ll go straight to jail,
If I claim “not-guilty”, it’s a trial, and I’ll fail.
“I know, I’ll declare myself Insane!”
“They’ll never see the inner workings of my brain!”
And so, this is just what he did!
Everyone knows that Larry Litterbug is not the full quid!
Yes, he’s known to be more than a few shillings short.
Often acting in a manner he really shouldn’t ought!