Healing Perfectionism through Art

I started this painting several years ago as a wedding gift to friends. They are both Leo's, very hospitable, generous, smart and cool. I had more time back then, as a single mother to a 3 year old, to sit and be creative after bedtime. Below is the painting I've just now finished, four years after it's initiation.

This is what it looked like. The reason it took me so long to finish was because I hated it! I got to this level and thought "ugh! ruined! they'll hate it!".

I boxed the painting up and thought, "someday I can reuse the canvas and paint over it". Instead, I stopped painting all together and ended up buying them stones/crystals as a wedding gift. I even thought that that gift sucked.

Because nothing was good enough.

Because I was a perfectionist.

I held myself to such ridiculous standards that I couldn't even enjoy being a beginner painter that had cute ideas. I did this in every area of life and I eventually discovered this through learning dream analysis. I had to work really hard to heal my tendency toward judgement (toward myself mostly but that of course spills out onto others). I didn't KNOW I was being perfectionistic. Chances are however, if you think you suck at everything (especially when others assure you that you don't), you are too. This tendency is usually deeply rooted in childhood upbringing and can be healed by addressing the problem at the root (it's not you, it's your conditioning). I used several techniques to heal this aspect of myself, including one by Phyllis Crystal called "cutting the ties that bind" as well as visiting an energy healer.

A couple of months ago, I was trying to declutter my basement and found myself going through old storage bins. I discovered the unfinished painting and with fresh, far less judgmental eyes I saw how well I'd done and how nice of a gesture it was! I decided to text a picture of it to my (now long-married) friends to show them my initial intentions. The response was heartwarming.

After hearing that I decided they had to have it. If fact, my friend asked if I could 'please, someday decide to give it to them'. I said yes, but it still looked unfinished to me. I pondered for a while and decided to go multi-media with it. I tested several yarn colors and textures but I eventually liked this look best.

A little bit of mod-podge and free time later and I finally decided it was "perfect". 😊
They collect really cool stuff and it will be an honor to place this among their treasures.

I'm excited to be re-awakening my creative impulses and am praising/accepting myself for honoring each desire.
I hope you are too!

Thanks for reading!