Hello, friends🤚🏼 I thought I would like to bring some fun to the boring days in ...

in #appicslast year

... quarantine and distribute some love in the form of AXP to the community for your best jokes.

Until Sunday the 12.04. I will pick out 3 of you with the best jokes every day (based on central European time) and upvote your last 2 pictures with 100%. (The winners joke as well 💵)

You can post jokes as often as you want. I will declare the day's winners as "🎉joke of the day 🎉"

If you have a lot of jokes, feel free to spread them out over the days. Everyone can win more than once.

Make sure to follow this account and upvote this picture to participate. 👍🏼

PS: Feel free to reward the best jokes of all the participants as well. 🙏🏼

With all that being said - let's have some fun. 🤪🤩

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Winner of the day 💯

@anushkasen0408
@gopinath9812
@katteasis

Congrats 💰🎉

Thanks for taking part guys. NEXT ROUND ↪️

thank your selecting my joke as winning one..Im really gald you are liking my jokes..soon im going to join to few more people to enjoy this beautiful appics family..

"I wasn't that drunk yesterday." "Oh boy you took the shower head in your arms and told it to stop crying."

Ich konnte es nicht fassen. Mein Nachbar hat tatsächlich noch um 3 Uhr Nachts bei uns geklingelt.🤦‍♂️

Mir wäre fast die Bohrmaschine runtergefallen😡

Dentist: “This will hurt a little.”

Patient: “OK.”

Dentist: “I’ve been having an affair with your wife for a while now.” 😂😂

Thank you bro😍😍 Love you a lot💙💙

An old grandma brings a bus driver a bag of peanuts every day.

First the bus driver enjoyed the peanuts but after a week of eating them he asked: "Please granny, don't bring me peanuts anymore. Have them yourself.".

The granny answers: "You know, I don't have teeth anymore. I just prefer to suck the chocolate around them."

🎉joke of the day🎉 😂

I had read this joke before it was really funny

With many couples home together, I am predicting a Baby Boom in 9 months! And in 2033 there will be another "QuaranTEEN!" LOL!

You're right there. Lol! On the other hand, what if they're on the brink of getting a divorce and they couldn't stand seeing each other while on quarantine? :)

Then no QuaranTEENS for them in 2033, lol.

or KARENTEEN 😂 Well, I like your joke 😁

Awe thanks, no more kids for me, lol!

“Daddy, what is an alcoholic?”

“Do you see those 4 trees, son? An alcoholic would see 8 trees.”

“Um, Dad – there are only 2 trees.”

Son: Mom, when I was on the bus
with Dad this morning, he told me to
give up my seat to a lady.
Mom: Well, you have done the right thing.
Son: But mum, I was sitting on daddy's lap.

Father: “Son, you were adopted.”

Son: “What?! I knew it! I want to meet my biological parents!”

Father: “We are your biological parents. Now pack up, the new ones will pick you up in 20 minutes.”

it took me a bit longer but now I got it 😂 good one👌🏼

Thank you 😊😊

🔹Polizei, Aufmachen!!!
🔸Ich will keine Eier!
🔹Wir haben keine Eier!
🔸Ich weiß!!!

Child: Mom Mom when will we finally be in America?
Mother: Shut up and keep swimming! #ToooHard 😂 😂

There are so many good ones, so I had to break the rules. 😁🙏🏼 I've chosen 4 winners for today (Sunday, 22h CET)

@gopinath9812
@wasiulafif
@karenmckersie
@verasanimarco

Congrats 💰🎉

Thanks for taking part. NEXT ROUND ↪️

Oh Wow!! Thank you, hahaha, glad you liked my timely QuaranTEEN Joke, this is fun!

Wow ..thank you .im very gald you liked my joke..sure this give encouragement for everyone to do lot of unique things in appics..

Hahaha nice idea, congratulations!...

Son- “Dad, Can You Write In The Dark?”
Dad- “I Think So. What Is It You Want Me To Write?”
Son- “Your Name On This Report Card.”

WHO to Nepal: How many cases of Corona do you have till March.
Nepal: Zero Cases
WHO : What is the reason for the successful prevention of corona in Nepal.
Please share the secret intervention strategies to the World.
Nepal : Its simple, don't diagnose.

Q: What do you call a guy who’s had too much to drink?
A: A cab.

Friends,you are so incredibly funny,I laughted so hard!!!🤣🤣🤣

Two elephants meet a totally naked guy. After a while one elephant says to the other: “I really don’t get how he can feed himself with that thing!”

Grandpa, why don't you have any life insurance?"

"So you can all be really sad when I die."

Loading...

A child comes home dripping wet.

Mother: What on earth were you doing?!

Kid: We were playing dog with my friends.
I was the tree.

Doctor: "I'm sorry but you suffer from a terminal illness and have only 10 to live."

Patient: "What do you mean, 10? 10 what? Months? Weeks?!"

Doctor: "Nine."

Due to the lockdown in the country the pollution is so low that I can see the data stored in the cloud.

My girlfriend’s birthday is in two days.
And she told me “Nothing would make me happier than a diamond ring”.
So I bought her nothing!

🎉joke of the day🎉 😄

A proud and confident genius makes a bet with an idiot. The genius says, "Hey idiot, every question I ask you that you don't know the answer, you have to give me $5. And if you ask me a question and I can't answer yours I will give you $5,000." The idiot says, "Okay." The genius then asks, "How many continents are there in the world?" The idiot doesn't know and hands over the $5. The idiot says, "Now me ask: what animal stands with two legs but sleeps with three?" The genius tries and searches very hard for the answer but gives up and hands over the $5000. The genius says, "Dang it, I lost. By the way, what was the answer to your question?" The idiot hands over $5.

Student: Teacher would you punish me for something I didn't do.
Teacher: No
Student: I didn't do my homework

Tonight I dreamt of a beautiful walk on a sandy beach.

At least that explains the footprints I found in the cat litter box this morning.

Material:
3 balloons (one full of water)
1 knife

Joke:
"If you hit all 3 on the fly you win what you want"

throw them one at a time, and the third boom wet 🤣

A: Just look at that young person with the short hair and blue jeans. Is it a boy or a girl?
B: It's a girl. She's my daughter.
A: Oh, I'm sorry, sir. I didn't know that you were her father.
B: I'm not. I'm her mother.

Two boys were arguing when the teacher entered the room.
The teacher says, "Why are you arguing?"
One boy answers, "We found a ten dollor bill and decided to give it to whoever tells the biggest lie."
"You should be ashamed of yourselves," said the teacher, "When I was your age I didn't even know what a lie was."
The boys gave the ten dollars to the teacher.

Wife : had your lunch.?
Husband : had your lunch.?
Wife : I am asking you
Husband : I am asking you
Wife : you copying me.?
Husband : you copying me.?
Wife : Let's go for shopping
Husband : yes I had my lunch

So it was children's day on the 27th and 3 fathers uploaded the same child... We're still trying to settle the matter😂😂😂

I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high.. she looked surprised 😆

Husband and wife were having dinner at a fancy restaurant…

As the food was served, Husband said:
“The Food looks delicious, let’s eat.”

Wife: Honey.. You say prayer before eating at home.(most of the Indians usually do prayer before eating)
Husband: That’s at home sweetheart… Here the chef knows how to cook.

You don't need a parachute to go skydiving.
You need a parachute to go skydiving twice. 🤪🤪🤪

A businessman went into the office and found an inexperienced handyman painting the walls. The handyman was wearing two heavy parkas on a hot summer day.

Thinking this was a little strange, the businessman asked the handyman why he was wearing the parkas on such a hot day.

The handyman showed him the instructions on the can of paint. They read: “For best results, put on two coats.”

Es wird nicht mehr lange dauern bis die Lockerungen kommen. Aber dann gehen wir sofort alle zusammen auf den Weihnachtsmarkt 😅

Ein Mann kommt nachhause vom Arztbesuch:
🔹„Erzähl, was hat der Arzt gesagt?"
🔸„30 Euro bitte"
🔹„Ja ok, aber was hattest du?"
🔸„20 Euro"
🔹"Nein, was fehlte dir?"
🔸"10 Euro"

"I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised"

🤣🤣🤣I got it!!🤣🤣🤣

hahaha i like this joke 😁😧

Ein Anleger fragt seinen Anlageberater:
„Ist jetzt wirklich all mein Geld weg? Alles weg?“
„Aber nein, das ist doch nicht weg. Es gehört jetzt nur jemand anderem!“

A Lady to Doctor: “My husband has d habit of talking in sleep! wat should I give him to cure”?
Doctor: Give him an Opportunity to speak when he’s awake.

This is a story about four people named Everybody, Somebody, Anybody and Nobody.

There was an important job to be done and Everybody was sure that Somebody would do it.

Anybody could have done it, but Nobody did.

Somebody got angry about this, because it was Everybody's job.

Everybody thought Anybody could do it, but Nobody realized that Everybody wouldn't do it.

It ended up that Everybody blamed Somebody when Nobody did what Anybody could have done!

🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂
Shared from (Book of Jokes). Download the app here https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=bookofjokes.app and brighten your day with a smile.

My daughter told me today she counts sheep when she’s laying in bed. I asked her “how much did you count?” She said 20, then the shed was full...

Journalist: Are you educated ?

Man: not able to read but i can write !! Journalist: what you write ?? Man: I don't know what i wrote because i don't know to read 😁😁

Excelente, desde ahora espero tus publicaciones!. Saludos.

A man went to his lawyer and told him, "My neighbor owes me $500 and he won’t pay up. What should I do?" "Do you have any proof he owes you the money?" asked the lawyer. "Nope," replied the man. "OK, then write him a letter asking him for the $5,000 he owed you," said the lawyer. "But it's only $500," replied the man. "Precisely. That’s what he will reply and then you’ll have your proof!"

Husband and wife went for the court at divorce.
Judge : you have three kids how will you divide them.
They had a long discussion with his wife and said " ok, sir will come next year with one more

Maybe i can try to tell a joke.. let's see..

Knock knock.... ! Who's there ?

Two donkeys are standing at a roadside, one asks the other: So, shall we cross?
The other shakes his head: "No way, look at what happened to the zebra."

A ship was sinking.
Captain: Does any one know how to pray?
A priest comes forward and says he can pray.
Captain: Ok priest, you pray;
Everyone else in ship will wear a life jacket
as we are one jacket short.

A woman walks into a cafe with a stomach ache.After a while she realizes she needs to relieve herself, knowing her farts are loud, she decides to fart simultaneously with the cafe music. Every time the music gets really loud she let out a long fart. She saw that everyone in the cafe was staring at her and later realized that she was wearing headsets the whole time...

Peter walked up to the sales lady in the clothing store:
“I would like to buy my wife a pretty sweater. ”
“Oh that’s so cute” exclaimed the sales lady, ”sounds like it’s going to be a great surprise.”
“It sure is” said John “she’s expecting a new diamond ring!”

Husband: My dear, what ll you do after my death?

Wife: I can't live without you. I would die as well and come with you.

Husband: huh.. I didn't believe what that psychic said. But now I do.

Wife: what did he say?

Husband: He said, you won't live a peaceful life even after your death !!!

"Do you speak English?" - Yes "What's your name?" - Yes

Great!!🤩

Loading...

One company owner asks another Owner : “Tell me,Bill,how come your employees are always on time in the mornings?”

Bill replies: “Easy.30 employees and 20 parking spaces.” 😎😎👊👊

My suggestion send button should not be on the keyboard because when we click on mistakenly comments are sending without editing properly

Question: Why was the baby ant confused? Answer: Because all his uncles were ants! 😂

( Vampire is in the roof spying with the couple) Girlfriend: Honey! What if i get pregnant? Boyfriend: The vampire in the roof will take care of it. Vampire: Shit! Are you fucking stupid? I'm only here to watch. Don't include me in your stupid decision, Im outta here.

Surveys say that 4 out of 5 people suffer from diarrhea. That means the 5th one likes it.

Teacher: "Which book has helped you the most in your life?"
Student: "My father's check book!"

Hahaha I can already imagine the jokes that I will invent ... 😂😂😂

Received a call from a female recruitment consultant.
agent : "Sir I have two openings for you...!
I replied : Yes. I know

There was a long silence and then she said:- assh^le

I replied:- well, I prefer the other one...

The centipede was sleeping, When the roach knocks on the door desperately screaming, Open me! Open me! The Chicken is coming To eat me, the centipede in a hurry gets up and says I'm coming, I'm coming, I'm putting my Shoes on! 😜😂

A mom texts, "Hi! Son, what does IDK, LY, & TTYL mean?" He texts back, "I Don't Know, Love You, & Talk To You Later." The mom texts him, "It's ok, don't worry about it. I'll ask your sister, love you too."

Lady: "Is this my train?"
Station Master: "No, it belongs to the railway company."
Lady: "Don’t try to be funny. I mean to ask if I can take this train to New York."
Station Master: "No Madam, I’m afraid it’s too heavy."

Winner of the day 💯 (Saturday 11.04. CET)

@cryptowalker
@anushkasen0408
@arindammroy

Congrats 💸🎉

LAST DAY ⏳
LAST ROUND ↪️

Juan: My dad is really good! You know Pacific Ocean? He is the one who drilled it, that is why we have it now.

Pedro: You make me laugh buddy, my Dad is more than good than your Dad.

Juan: And why is that?

Pedro: Do you know Dead Sea?

Juan: Yes, everyone knows that ofcourse.

Pedro: Well, My Dad are the only guy who killed it.

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

I want to tell the which happend past two backs that was with my shool mate..me: i was messaged her that i want to tell something important thing to her. She: ok tell me (said intrestingly). me : what are you expecting from me to tell . she: how do i now .. me:i was really waiting since many years that, when we meet each from first time .. she : oh really , what is the matter(she asked with some happiness). Me: i asked what is the the today. She: aprail 1st . Me : Aprail fool nothing their to tell( finally fooled her)

Winner of the day 💯 (Friday 10.04. CET)

@anushkasen0408
@arindammroy
@gopinath9812 🔥 🔥 🔥

Congrats 💸🎉

2 days left🏅
NEXT ROUND ↪️

Boyfriend: Babe, i slap the person who just passing by, because he told me i look like a farmer when in with you.

Girlfriend: Really? ( Giggling ) Don't get angry babe, being a farmer is a honorable job. why he said that anyway?

Boyfriend: He said; You look like a cow 🐂

Girl: ( Bursting ) Where is that f#&%# guy now?

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Winner of the day 💯 (Wednesday 08.04. CET)

@itsonursezer
@katteasis
@gopinath9812 💎

Congrats 💸🎉

Thanks for taking part fellas. NEXT ROUND ↪️

Winner of the day 💯 (Thursday 08.04. CET)

@anushkasen0408
@arindammroy
@gopinath9812 💎

Congrats 💸🎉

3 days left🏅
NEXT ROUND ↪️

When I greeted my boss in the morning, he told me to have a good day.

Who am I to argue? So I thanked him and went back home. 🤗

Thanks. 😶

𝔻𝕠𝕖𝕤 𝕥𝕙𝕚𝕤 𝕞𝕖𝕒𝕟 𝕚 𝕨𝕚𝕟?

Tom and Anna are both 60 years old and have been married for 40 years.

One day they go for a walk and all of a sudden a good fairy stands in front of them and says, “You’ve been married for so long and you’re so cute together, I’ll grant you a wish each.”

The woman is beside herself with joy and wishes for a trip to Thailand. Poof – she’s holding two tickets to Thailand and a five star hotel voucher for two.

The man says, “Wow, that’s one chance in a lifetime! I’m sorry, darling, but I wish I had a wife that’s 30 years younger than me.”

“Are you sure?” asks the fairy.

“Yes!” replies Tom without hesitation.

Poof once more – and he’s 90. 🤣

Winner of the day 💯 (Tuesday 07.04. CET)

And again:
@gopinath9812 🏅🏅
@anushkasen0408🏅🏅
@arindammroy🏅

Congrats 💰🎉

Thanks for taking part friends. NEXT ROUND ↪️

You are make us smile by searching the best joke and making others smile ..That is really google thought and great 💓 heart

Sorry typoo ..good thought..

Husband: "Do you love me?"

Wife: "E=mc2"

Helvetica and Times New Roman walk into a bar. “Get out of here” shouts the bartender “We don’t serve your type.”

well, this made me laugh as well 😄

you are right ! i think this is the best joke 🤣

Winner😂

Question: Why was the baby ant confused?

Teacher: ?Johnny, Im Glad To See Your Writing Has Improved.?
Johnny: ?Thank You?
Teacher: ?Now, Finally,
I Can See How Bad Your Spellings Are!!!?

A family of mice were surprised by a big cat. Father Mouse jumped and and said, "Bow-wow!" The cat ran away. "What was that, Father?" asked Baby Mouse. "Well, son, that's why it's important to learn a second language."

Two boys were arguing when the teacher entered the room.
The teacher says, "Why are you arguing?"

One boy answers, "We found a ten dollor bill and decided to give it to whoever tells the biggest lie."

"You should be ashamed of yourselves," said the teacher, "When I was your age I didn't even know what a lie was."

The boys gave the ten dollars to the teacher.

So your appics tokens are not yours, those are appics tokens!

𝙇𝙖𝙨𝙩 𝙣𝙞𝙜𝙝𝙩 𝙞𝙣 𝙗𝙚𝙙, 𝙄 𝙬𝙖𝙨 𝙜𝙖𝙯𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙪𝙥 𝙖𝙩 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙨𝙩𝙖𝙧𝙨 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙬𝙖𝙨 𝙩𝙝𝙞𝙣𝙠𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙩𝙤 𝙢𝙮𝙨𝙚𝙡𝙛…
𝙒𝙝𝙚𝙧𝙚 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙛*𝙘𝙠 𝙞𝙨 𝙢𝙮 𝙧𝙤𝙤𝙛?

psychologist girl and law boy

> A guy asked a girl in a university library: "Do you mind if I sit beside you?”

> The girl replied with a loud voice: "I DON'T WANT TO SPEND THE NIGHT WITH YOU!"

> All the students in the library started staring at the guy; he was truly embarrassed.

> After a couple of minutes, the girl walked quietly to the guy's table and said: "I study psychology, and I know what a man is thinking. I guess you felt embarrassed, right?”

> The guy then responded with a loud voice: “$500 FOR ONE NIGHT? THAT'S TOO MUCH!”

> All the people in the library looked at the girl in shock.The guy whispered in her ear: "I study law, and I know how to screw people".

How many Germans does it take to screw a light bulb? - one, they're efficient and not very funny.

Conversation of two Friends -

friend x - which day you born my friend y ??

friend y - I born in Sunday !!

friend x - How its possible man ?? Sunday is holiday !! 😋😋😁😁

2 Wives chatting in office :
Wife 1: I had a fine evening, how was Urs???
Wife 2 : It was a disaster. My husband came home, ate his dinner in 3 mins & fell asleep in 2 mins. How was yours?
Wife 1 : Oh mine was amazing ! My husband came home and took me out for a romantic dinner. After dinner we walked for an hour. When we came home he lit the candles around the house. It was like a fairy tale !
At the same time, their husbands are talking at work..
Husband 1: How was your evening?
Husband 2: Great. I came home, dinner was on the table, I ate & fell asleep. What about you ?
Husband 1: It was horrible. I came home, there’s no dinner, they cut the electricity because I forgot to pay the bill; so I took her out for dinner which was so expensive that didn’t have money left for a cab or auto.We walked home which took an hour & when we got home I remembered there was no electricity so I had to light candles all over the house !!!!!!
MORAL: PRESENTATION DOES MATTER… NO MATTER WHAT THE REALITY IS !!!

Ambulance service? It’s urgent please.
What happened, Madam?
Coffee fell on my saree while drinking.
Are you really looking for an ambulance for this madam?
Actually my husband laughed at me.
Got it Madam, ‘ll be there in two minutes.😂

Dad puts finger print(Thumb) on son’s mark sheet.
Child asked father:

Being a chartered accountant,

Why did you put finger print instead of signature on my progress card.
Father replied:

idiot,after looking at your marks, the teacher should not think that I am educated.

A man goes to his doctor and says, “Please help me, doctor.I think my eyesight is really worsening.”

The doctor asks the man to come and look out of the window. “Tell me what you see there,” says the doctor and points.

"I see the Sun," answer the man.

The doctor turns to him and asks, “Sweet Jesus, how much further do you want to see ?!!”

A doctor accidentally prescribes his patient a laxative instead of a coughing syrup.

Three days later the patient comes for a check-up and the doctor asks: “Well? Are you still coughing?”

The patient replies: “No. I’m afraid to.”

I got another letter from this lawyer today. It said “Final Notice”. Good that he will not bother me anymore.

I want to make a Facebook account and the name will be Nobody so when I see stupid crap people post, I can Like it. And it will say Nobody Likes This.
🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂

Employee: Boss, I’ve got married. Can I get a pay rise?
Boss: We do not compensate for the accidents that happen outside of the work place.

A man inserted an ‘ad’ in the classifieds: “Wife wanted.” Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: “You can have mine.”

Husband sent a text to wife at night,
“Hi I will get late, plz try and wash all my dirty clothes
And make sure you prepare my favorite dish before I return.”
He sent another text, “I forgot to tell u that I got an increase in
My salary at the end of month I’m getting u a new car”
She text back, “Omg really?”
Husband Replied: “No I just wanted to make sure u got my 1st msg.”

Mother is waking her son: “Paulie, come, wake up, you have to go to school.”

“Aw mom, just a bit more sleep, please.”

“No, it’s really high time, now get up.”

“But I don’t want to. The children annoy me and the teachers are a complete pain!”

“Stop it, now. Get up and off to school with you!”

“Mom, give me two good reasons why I should go to the stupid school.”

“Paulie, first of all, you’re 45, and second, you’re the headmaster.”

Teacher Told All Students In A Class To Write An Essay On A Football Match.
All Were Busy Writing Except One.
He Wrote “DUE TO RAIN, NO MATCH!

Comedian: Will U Merry , After I Die .
Wife : No I Wiil Live With My Sister.
Wife : Will U Marry , After I Die .
Comedian: No I Will Also Live With Ur Sister

What is strongest creature in the world?
.
.
.
.
.
The snail 🐌 it carries it's whole on it's back.

A Comedian Photographer Is Focusing A Dead Body’s Face In A Funeral Function,
Suddenly All Dead Persons Relatives Beat Him. Why? He Said “SMILE PLEASE”
Teacher Told All Students

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