Stresses of a new job. Pt 1

So I’ve recently began a new job that I was initially excited about. I found it through a staffing agency. I originally got on with the staffing agency around April or May of 2017 as I was trying my hardest to find another decent paying job because the position I held at the time was literally sucking the life out of me. I went on a couple of interviews through them but those didn’t work out and I ended up getting a job in daycare making a decent hourly so I jumped at that and left my hell job.

I worked at the daycare from the end of June until just a few weeks ago after express randomly reached out to me to see if I was still interested in pursuing employment through them. At the time I was in awe of what the universe was doing for me. In the very beginning of the year I was on the side of town where the staffing agency is located and I do not frequent that area often. When I saw it I thought to myself “huh, I should get back on the website and show interest in some jobs and maybe I’ll get something more career based.” Well not even a week later and before I actually got back on their website I ended up getting a phone call from them asking if I was still interested in pursuing employment with them. Of course I was still interested, I want a career or work experience that will help my future career.

About a week and a half later I get a call about a position that just opened up and they thought I would be a great fit for it. They asked if I was interested in interviewing for it but being that it was a bit further of a commute I decided to take time after work and read the job description they had for it and consider it knowing the pay range. I’m completely impressed with the pay range and the job description doesn’t seem too aggregous so I call them first thing the next morning and tell them yes. They called me back that afternoon and told me the manager could interview me the next day around 1 or the following day around the same time. Being that my co teacher was out sick and I knew she wouldn’t be back the next day but possibly the day after I opted for the next day interview.

For my interview I had to drive 30 minutes down a bitch of an interstate during lunch time traffic and in order for me to get an “extended” lunch break for my interview incognito I told my boss that I locked my keys in my car. I was a nervous wreck. The moment I accepted that interview my anxiety went sky rocket and would not chill out. I was having mild anxiety attacks every time I thought about just driving to my interview and that was only during the course of about 5 hours until I got home and freaked because I couldn’t find anything decent to wear. Because I’ve lost so much weight in the last few years due to stress and anxiety, none of my clothes really fit right and if they do they don’t for long. It took me a good two hours to find something that I could change into quickly without being noticed (didn’t want my job to pick up on what I was doing) and I HAD to look professional.

Of course the next day I’m still a huge ball of anxiety about this interview, mainly because the pay is actually something good for where I live. It was an opportunity for me to quit my Sunday morning job and be able to say no to babysitting jobs because I won’t NEED them to make it until the next paycheck. At this point I’ve talked to multiple people who I trust and value deeply and they’ve all done their best to reassure me and help lessen my anxiety. Nothing worked. And if it did it lasted two minutes and I was back to my anxious thoughts. I needed up having an anxiety attack IN my interview. It was small but it was one and it was one enough for me to even have the tears welling up that I could not stop. I was mortified. But I continued the interview and headed back to work where I had to hear everyone make their own chuckle about me “locking my keys in my car” and go along with it.

I was supposed to call the staffing agency after my interview but I was so embarrassed I just couldn’t do it. The next day passes and it’s the weekend, come Monday morning I get a call from them but ignore it and the voicemail and go on about my day. The next day I get another phone call and ignore it but chose to read the voicemail since mine transcribe. I didn’t read the entire thing because I saw the words “good news” and called immediately. I GOT THE JOB. How? I have no fucking clue. But I did and was in such shock I had them verify that multiple times before I hung up the phone. I went back to my class, in shock, and told my co teacher who knew I was looking and had that, what I believed to be, terrible interview.

I put my notice in on a Friday before I left for a vacation I had planned specifically to use my PTO before I left that job. I worked one week after my vacation and said goodbye to working in a daycare ever again. I loooved what I did and teaching my toddlers but the jobisn’t good and if the director sucks then the entire daycare will too. It is also not an industry that you can progress in or really expect a raise in it was bittersweet and wayyyyyy too emotional but am I ready for what’s a head of me?

That’s where I am now and that’s where I’m going to stop for tonight. Hopefully I’ll remember to do part two tomorrow, who knows there’s probably going to be a three and a four. I don’t know if anyone will read this but I do know that I already feel better by expressing just this part through this post.