Anxiety is a blessing.

Weird title, huh? Stay with me, I'll try to take you on my journey...

I was crippled with anxiety. Not immediately. I didn't just wake up one day anxious. More I was always worried, always trying to control the situation I was in. I remember being on a bus in high school, making a plan in case the bus rolled over. To the point where if it rolled on this side, I would grab that safety hammer, smash the window..... Who does that as a 16 year old?

As an adult I trained myself to use the anxiety to be productive. I would get into work, already anxious, have a coffee, and work myself into a frenzy trying to manage the workload (I was never going to finish is everything).

Eventually this turned into panic attacks. At one stage I thought I was having a heart attack and took myself to the emergency ward at the hospital where they ran a number of cardiac tests... At the time it almost felt worse that it was anxiety, I kind of wished it was a heart attack....

The panic attacks as well in some way were a blessing. They forced me to stop.

Eventually it turned into depression. You can't stimulate the nervous system at that level for that amount of time. And have it functioning normally.

I'd learnt to manage the anxiety, at least to some extent, before the depression came along.

Depression was another level. Especially at its worst. The best way I can explain it is a black fog from which you can't see your way out. I remember feeling like I was stuck at the bottom of a black pit and that there was no way out.... Those were bad times.

Once I has admitted I was fallible and that I could no longer function on my own, I submitted and allowed help from my friends, family & a bunch of health professionals.

This was the beginning of my return to health. I learnt a lot of things about myself and the Universe along the way. That I'm never alone, that many share my journey, that food and exercise play a large part in mental health.

So why do I think anxiety is a blessing? After being through the journey that I have, I have an affinity for others going through similar circumstances. Then I can reach out and offer them help. So the blessing is my ability to help others.

Also, I would not have become the person I am today. I'd still be trying to control everything (I still have these tendencies), and I'd still be worried.

I live a much happier life now, though its still a work in progress. And I hope it is, because I never want to settle with who I am. I always want to be learning & improving.

The darkest hour is just before the dawn. Let me know if I can help you in your journey.

Much love, Peter