9 Incredibly Weird Animal Penises !!!

I am sure, scrolling through weird animal penises wasn't something you planned to do today, right? Or maybe it was. Who knows! Regardless, today I have all kinds of penises for you! 

Four-headed? Check! Singing? Check!  Gigantic? Check! There is one for all tastes!

So, let's discover some of the weirdest penile designs mother nature has devised:

1. The Gigantic Penis
Some say size doesn't matter... Well, obviously that isn't true for certain species.. And I am not talking about elephants or horses.. I am talking about animals that their penis is HUGE compared to their body size. Take barnacles for example.

When you are immobile sex can be tricky. Most animals evolved  and acquired the ability to move so this is not a problem. Apparently, barnacles didn't care much for the other benefits of locomotion so they just got penises that are up to 8 times bigger than their body! [1]

(Credit: University of Alberta)

I would also like to give a honorable mention to another animal, the Argentine lake duck ( Oxyura vittata ). Most birds don't even have a penis, but this duck is different. Not only it has one, but it's huge too! One examined specimen was found to have a 42.5 cm (17 in.) long penis! [2]

(credit: K McCracken)

2. The Singing Penis

Yep, you read that right! The singing penis! Meet the lesser water boatman (Micronecta scholtzi), a small insect occurring in freshwater ponds and lakes across Europe. In 2011, researchers discovered that males produce an underwater courtship song that is 99 db loud. Not impressed? These guys are just 2 mm long! Still, not impressed? What if I told you that the insect produces this sound by rubbing its' penis across the abdomen? [3]

(credit)

3. The Detachable Penis

Sex sucks if you are a male argonaut octopus, as you get to enjoy it only once in your life. After that, no more sex and no more.. penis for you! 

Males of this species have a modified penis called the hectocotylus. During fertilization, the penis is inserted into the female's body and..detaches! Interesting Fact: The hectocotylus when found in females was first thought to be a parasitic worm! [4]

Male argonaut (left), detached penis (right) (credit)

4. The Female Penis (and the male vagina!)

Meet Neotrogla, a genus of cave-dwelling barklice that has taken role reversal to the next level! Female Neotrogla have a penis-like organ (called "gynosome") and they use it much like a penis. During mating, the female mounts the male, penetrates his small genital opening from behind and  extracts sperm and nutrient-filled seminal fluid from his body!

The female penis of N. aurora (Credit: Yoshizawa Kazunori)

Want to know how to last longer in bed? Apparently, these ladies have the secret, with every single mating session lasting anywhere from 40 to 70 hours! Yes, FOURTY to SEVENTY freaking HOURS![5]

Female N. curvet  mounting & penetrating a male (Credit: Yoshizawa Kazunori)

5. The four headed penis!

Echidnas are one of the weirdest animals out there. For example, they are mammals that lay eggs and can "feel" electricity like sharks do! Oh yeah, I forgot, back to the topic. Males have a penis with 4 damn heads!

(credit)

During mating, the heads on one side "shut down" and do not grow in size while the other two are used to release semen into the female. Each time a male has sex, it alternates heads in sets of two. [6]

Here's a video if the photo above wasn't enough:

6. The Hemi Penis

Snakes, lizards and worm-lizards have some rather weird looking genitals. The male sexual organ of these animals is called a hemipenis and it comes in all kinds of shapes and sizes, depending on the species. Sometimes it's even covered with sharp spines to stop the female from slipping out. [7]

Rattle Snake Hemipenes (credit)

7. The Stabbing Penis 

Traumatic insemination, a fancy definition for the mating practice in some species of invertebrates, in which the male pierces the female's abdomen with his penis and injects the sperm through the wound into the circulatory system! Doesn't sound very fun for the ladies, does it?

 
A male bed bug (Cimex lectularius) traumatically inseminates a female bed bug (credit)

And here's some traumatic insemination porn. Enjoy: 

8. The exploding Penis

You thought female bed bugs had it rough?  In some bee species, the males have come up with a really unique method to ensure the sole mate of the queen.  

The first drone (male bee) to succeed in penetrating the queen ejaculates with such explosive force that his penis literally explodes, living the tip inside the queen. The process is often loud enough to be heard, described as a "popping" sound! [9]

(credit)

With  his mission successful, the drone falls to the ground and dies soon after... Sexual suicide..seems like a good way to die... 

9. The Pseudo Penis 

It's not a real penis but it definitely looks like one so I think it deserves a honorable mention! Spotted hyenas have really high levels of testosterone which among other side-effects causes them to develop pseudo-penises! This appendage is essentially an enlarged clitoris that can grow as large as 17 cm (7 in.) long. 

The main problem with this pseudo-penis is that it is also where the babies come through! About 60% of hyena cubs die of suffocation inside the pseudo penis the first time a hyena gives birth. [10] 

Here's a video if you want to learn more about hyenas and their pseudopenis:

The End

I think that was enough dick for the day! Don't hesitate to share more examples of bizarre male genitalia in the comments down below!

References

1. Sciencedaily.com/releases/2008/02/080206150703.htm
2. Abc.net.au/science/articles/2001/09/14/366856.htm
3. Journals.plos.org/plosone/article?id=10.1371/journal.pone.0021089
4. Delle Chiaje, S. (1825). Memorie sulla storia e notomia degli animali (in Italian). Senza Vertebre del Regno di Napoli. I. ^ Jump up to: a b
5. Elsevier.com/retrieve/pii/S0960982214003145
6. Newscientist.com/article/dn12838-exhibitionist-spiny-anteater-reveals-bizarre-penis.html
7. Wikipedia.org/wiki/Hemipenis
8. Wikipedia.org/wiki/Traumatic_insemination
9. Wikipedia.org/wiki/Drone_(bee)
10. Tvblogs.nationalgeographic.com/2014/01/10/worlds-weirdest-giving-birth-through-a-penis/

                                    

 My dear readers, thank you for reading today's article. Hopefully, you found it interesting enough to follow me, @trumpman, especially if you want to discover more weird and bizarre creatures from all around the word!  Here are the last 5 weirdos of this series:

1. Beauty Stings #2 - The Wattle Cup Caterpillar
2. Leptodirus hochenwartii: The First Cave-Dwelling Animal Ever Discovered
3. Paedophryne amauensis: Meet the World's Smallest Frog
4. The King of Herrings: Horrifying, yet Harmless
5. Slimy Jewels: 11+1 Nudibranchs That Will Blow Your Mind

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