The Art of Manliness - That Sinking Feeling of Failure - Powering up our childrens future through steem
“Just about anyone can father children, but you know what, it takes a real man to be a dad. ” –Anonymous
For six years I have been a father. For six years I have tried being a “perfect” father of 2 boys. What I have learned in those six years is that I can’t be perfect, all the time. I wish I had all the perfect answers for my children’s questions. I wish I had the absolute patience for every situation my kids toss my way. But I make mistakes – lots of them.
I have made it my goal to be the best father possible while I think I am doing a decent job so far, I think I can improve in many ways. My kids, my wife, are my reason for life and being. Everything I do, work, be productive, write, is because of my kids and wife. It can be a busy life, which can lead to many mistakes.
I decided to sit down and really think. I mean really think of things I should be doing to be a better father. What I discovered within myself is I should really be focusing on being a better daddy(dad) to my kids. Fathering children is different than being a great daddy(dad). So here is a list of 6 things I will commit to. To be a better daddy(Dad).
Be A Better Man
In a quest to be a better dad, I need to become a better man. Being the best man I can, successful, strong-willed, morally sound will help lead me to be a better daddy.
Most will tell you that your priorities have to be in an exact order, with kids at the top. I disagree, I believe in no order. What I mean is, being the best at your job, being the best writer you can, having pride in yourself, taking care of your family’s needs, all should take the top spot. Be the best as you possibly can at all those important things in your life.
We’re taught that time with family, takes precedence over all. We are told we must find an absolute balance between all or we will regret everything later in life. However, balance leads to stagnation, nothing accomplished, not being the best at everything you can.
More time spent with your kids doesn’t equal better quality time spent with your kids. Finding balance shouldn’t restrict our quest for being a better man. If you are focused on being a better man, your kids will see it and learn from it, naturally.
Be A SuperHero
While we might not be able to match the abilities of Superman or Sponge Bob, we can create our own. Abilities that will take our kids through their entire life are much more powerful.
When leaving for work in the morning, I will be excited, confident, and present myself as important. To set kids up for success in their careers later in life, we must set the example before and after work. They don’t see our interactions while we are gone. It’s a wonderful feeling when your child says they want to be like you when they grow up because they see how passionate you are about your career.
Be there for those big time events! Growing up, my parents were divorced, I didn’t see my father often. One important event in my life is the day I graduated. To see my dad present will stay with me for a lifetime. Be a hero when it means something!
It’s OK To Fall Sometimes
Part of learning life is falling. Allow our kids to fail and fall, but be there to help pick them up. Each fall is a learning opportunity until they no longer fall. Letting your kids fall is probably the hardest thing to do, but its impact on life is hugely beneficial.
I will always remember, an uncle of mine once told me, “You must accept 7 No’s to receive 1 Yes.” That simple statement sticks to me like glue. As a Sales and Service Representative for a large corporation in my early twenties fresh out of college, it was extremely important to accept those “no’s.” My career as a Sales Representative has ended to pursue a different career path of driving a big rig and freelance writing, however, the usefulness of that one statement had a huge impact on my life long careers.
Accepting falls, fails and no’s is an important life lesson, even as a child. Taking the training wheels off, asking a girl on a date with a reply of “no thanks”, or failing a college exam are all life lessons we must enable our children to accept as they go from baby steps to adulthood.
Be Physical And Verbal
I don’t believe in physical or verbal abuse. Just last week I was at a local mart where we live, standing in the check-out line, watching a father and his young son in front of me. The little boy asks his father ” Dad can I have some M&M’s?”
The father in disgust from the simple request raised his hand towards his son, scolded him as he did something wrong. The boy cowered obviously defeated once again by his own father.
This is not being a father, this is teaching a child to fear and cower. This little boy feared his own father, instead of looking to him as a Super Hero. To be a better man, a better daddy you can teach your child the value “no” has without raising a hand and voice to them.
When I say “be physical and verbal” I mean to drown them with hugs, kisses, and praise. In early development, it has been proven that skin to skin contact between a parent and their child is immensely beneficial to the child and parent. This is a better man, a better daddy.
Be A Tour Guide For Life
When you think of a tour guide, what do you think of? I think of something guiding me into unknown places, territories, experiences and lessons along the way. Without my wife guiding me when we visit her home country in the Philippines, I would be lost.
Applying this concept to our kid's life is an important concept to grab onto. You have to be their guide, they haven’t been there yet, but we most likely have. Like a travel adventure, we can make the guiding experience as fun and meaningful as possible.
Purposely make every experience a learning experience. Where you guide them today, will guide them into tomorrow. It seems so obvious, but do we really take every single opportunity possible to turn every adventure into a learning experience, one a kid understands? It’s my goal in 2016 to do just that!
Learning Doesn't Stop When Schools Out
I have an immense passion for writing, reading and trying to live a better life. I don’t consider myself a top shelf writer. I do, however, enjoy writing organic, original material with the intent of making myself a better man. There is probably a ton of errors in my work, but I am OK with that for now. I do it out of passion with the hope to help myself and others.
Considering how much I enjoy both reading and writing, I am disappointed in myself for not spending more time doing these activities with my 2 boys. I think somehow internally I figured they should be getting enough of this during school hours. Sharing my passion with them can only have positive life-long benefits for them.
So, to better serve my kids, I am getting rid of school hours. They no longer exist. Learning hours are all hours. If it’s not taking the time to read to them, or taking the time to write out the alphabet, I will make good use of every moment to turn it into a learning moment.
Life is such a blessing, especially once you have children. Striving to be a better dad should really be a goal of every man, a better man. We can’t be perfect, we will get things wrong, we will screw up. We will learn along the way, along with our kids. Then when it is their turn to be a better dad or mom they will have a good foundation to work from.
These are some of my goals for 2016. I will master these this year, for the betterment of myself and my kids. Next year I will continue mastering and create new goals, my kids deserve it, and so do yours.
As a father it remains my goal to ensure my children grow into successful citizens, one way to do this is to invest for college and an education. I am excited and thankful for Steemit and your upvotes for this post are greatly appreciated and will be powered up as a long term investment for steemit and all of our children's future. If you enjoyed this post please upvote and follow me.
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Fat-Like-Buddha (James)
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Love that line. This is a really great post. I honestly believe there is no higher calling in life for a man than being a dad. The influence we have in our kids lives and subsequently in the world is huge. Conversely, when the dads are not present, society starts to break down.
We see that break down in the inner cities of the US in a major way. As a society, we need to work hard to make that a better situation for the children's future. There are many reasons for it, political, racial etc but I really don't want to delve into those topics in this particular post :)
Being a dad is the greatest thing that has ever happened to me. I love the fact that I get to see my boys personality grow with every encounter they have. I love to see the progress they make and the way they think about solving problems.
I totally agree, I was scared to death before my first child was born. I am so thankful every day to get to watch them grow from babies into boys and eventually into young men.
It's amazing how their minds work when they are around 2 years old or so, you can just see their mind working like crazy in their little heads, its great!
It's always a tough call whether to prepare the road for our children, or prepare our children for the road.
Great read! Food for thought.
That is a great point you make. I was actually reading an article last week on something similar to what you mention here. I was reading an article on similarities or characteristics of people who are billionaires. One of the common recurring themes was many were self-made not given wealth, they started and taught at a young age to work for things themselves, even if they brought up in a family of wealth.
A simple way to look at it, even as a parent you have a silver spoon laying around, you don't need to feed your child with a silver spoon, matter of fact if you want them to be more successful it seems not doing so is in their best interest.
Interesting post. Being a good parent is the best!
Thanks, I believe parenting is the most important thing we will ever do in our lifetime. It should trump anything else in life if you choose to have children in my humble opinion. I totally understand there are those who don't wish to, but they might be missing out one of the greatest experiences in life!