130 days into sobriety, and I'm coming up on the end date of the goal.

The funny thing is that I'm not looking forward to drinking again at all, like I expected to be when that day got close. I am, however, dreading allowing myself social situations in general again. I'm exhausted just thinking about dealing with, you know... people.

There have only been, in the past 150 days, two social events that were more than just one or two close people and no more. One was a big Easter party, full of mostly people I liked, and it still made me want to crawl out my skin sober. The other was an Afroman concert that I went to because I had an interview set up with him after. Until the concert was done and we went upstairs to talk, I basically just avoided everyone, and felt super uncomfortable. I obviously talked a lot with him, but he was totally smashed so I wasn't really on the same level. Haha

I've had huge problems with social anxiety while sober for decades. By decades, I mean starting in grade school.
I'm obviously aware that dealing with that simply by not being sober wasn't the best way to approach the problem. Haha. But, you know... Recognizing good advice and taking it are two different things.

I'm not convinced I should go back to drinking at all, given I've historically drank more than I should, and I don't know how effective moderation attempts will be.

But I enjoy drinking, and often enjoy other people while drinking. Like... I'm not really looking forward to drinking atm, but I'm sure the first night I do, I'll enjoy it and all, all the same.