How To Live a Healthy Life While Being Sexually Active (Comedy Open Mic Round 34 | Entry 1)

in #air-clinic6 years ago

image
s

The consequences of living an unhealthy lifestyle while being sexually active is very great. Like Alexander the Great.
image
source

And being sexually inactive for most of us is really hard, like an erection after some good old stroking and a blowjob.
image
source

So I can't really preach abstinence or keeping just one partner. (For a comparison of how hard it is for many of us to stick to just one partner, refer to the second paragraph above. Shalom)

The consequences of living an unhealthy lifestyle while being sexually active are very numerous. There are a lot of infections and diseases out there and getting infected with Sexually Transmitted Diseases can end up very disastrously. You can have a lot of discomfort: itches in public and pubic places which would turn you into a regular scratch and win promo player
image
s

Except that your butt or balls or etc would be the scratch card and there's no chance in hell you're getting any prizes.
Except this written on your booty cheeks:
image
s

Furthermore you can have body odor, embarrassing inflammations, sores or little developments on your skin or even around your genitals and you would might be unable to have your sexual intercourses freely because of the shame of letting your partner(s) see them.

You would also have to spend a lot of money trying to diagnose and treat your infections. You also stand a chance of becoming infertile or even dying. Don't forget painful urination and etc.

This might even happen to you if you get syphilis and leave it untreated for so long it graduates into tertiary syphilis:
image
s

And with a head like that you can become Thanos:
image
s

And go about conquering the universe, on a quest for balance, taking out Spiderman, Iron Man and even the accented Black Panther. Such a tough mission, eh? But you don't have to worry, there are a lot of sure ways to prevent these all.

Here are some tips:

About Getting A Partner

One should always observe healthy measures and go for a test at least one every three months. In choosing a partner the right thing is to go for a test first before sex but the other day I asked a sex worker if we could have sex and she went like:
image
s

Then I asked if we could go for a test first and she changed to:
image
s
Damn.
So we see that it's not always possible to get your partner tested, so we have to resort to other preventive measures and never assume a person is disease-free because there's no way of knowing from just looks.

What To Do During Foreplay

Kissing is risky, there are a lot of infections and viruses and bacteria that can be gotten from kissing it's best not to kiss anyone who has not been tested.
Don't suck on a lactating breast.

Do not allow genital fluid from your partner get into your own genitals. For a man the point of entry is the tip of his penis and for the woman it is the opening of her vagina.

And there is a mistake a lot of guys make, during foreplay, a guy can do a lot of touching to a wet vagina and then make the mistake of using the same hands to touch on the girl's nipples. The same nipples the guy would be sucking on a few moments later. This is transferring whatever bacteria she must have had from her vagina to her nipple just so you can suck on the bacteria. Not cool.

What To Do When You Are About To Have Sex And While Having Sex 😉

Use a condom!

What To Do After Sex With A Condom

Have a bath immediately after with an antiseptic product.

Ask your doctor to give you an antibiotic which you would take after every sex which would help in prevention

What To Do If You Don't Use A Condom

Have a bath immediately after with an antiseptic product.

Ask your doctor to give you an antibiotic which you would take after every sex which would help in prevention.

In other to protect against viruses, if you were raped without the use of a condom or the condom ruptured or genital fluid from a person touches yours or you are scared about the fact that you had unprotected sex with someone then run to a Doctor and ask for P.E.P (Post-exposure Prophylaxis). This must be done within 48-72 hours.

In General

Always remember to use antiseptic

Always remember to eat antibiotic food like ginger, garlic, bitter kola, etc.

Always remember to wash your clothes and sheets promptly and dry them under strong heat. Washing with hot water is best too.


Well, finally, I know talk is cheap, so to prove to you that I've been observing all the above and thT I'm very healthy as a result, here is a selfie of my dick and my tests results:

Thanks for the congratulations and the complements. And oh, please stop saying "wow" "wow". Thank you.

If you cannot see the picture of my dick and my test results, you're clearly having an infection. But not to worry, it's not a Sexually Transmitted one, it's just a mild condition. Take paracetamol, two in the morning, two in the night. If symptoms persist visit your local health care center. Thank you.

Hey there, thanks for reading through!
I nominate @neoxian and @erodedthoughts

image image

Sort:  

Hi nevies,

Thank you for your entry in to #comedyopenmic comedy contest. We have asked the judges below to review your entry and give it a funny rating. (They generally have no sense of humor, as the saying goes, those that can't do, start contests and judge).
This will determine your ultimate position when the results are tallied. (That being said, you are free to adopt any position you wish - we can recommend pantsless with beer in hand.)

Judges:

If you have any questions or queries please feel free to contact one of the judges or come say hi in discord: Click Here

Click To Vote @ComedyOpenMic For Witness And Disrupt The Steem Blockchain With Laughter!
Support COM Banner

Thank you to @matytan for the great banner

As a follower of @followforupvotes this post has been randomly selected and upvoted! Enjoy your upvote and have a great day!

That thing is a lot more shrivelled than I would expect.

LMAO

😂

You bet!

scratch to reveal your prize

That killed me, I'm still laughing XD

😂

👍

Thanks for dropping by, bro.

Coin Marketplace

STEEM 0.31
TRX 0.11
JST 0.035
BTC 66739.07
ETH 3228.97
USDT 1.00
SBD 4.23