The process of living your dream can you really call it a success ?

When I was a kid I dreamed of being a fire fighter. Athe age of 14 I joined the local volunteer fire department in my home town and started sponge everything I could possibly know about the American FIre Service. I took classes, trained, gained certifications and after grduating high school and finishing college with a degree in chemical engineering I still wanted to be a Fire Fighter. Drawn to the career as SERVICE was in my blood. My granfather immigrated from Ireland and much of his family followed. Lt Colonel Thomas Hanson is what his grave marker says, my great Uncle Tommy served as NYPD for for 46 years, my father a buublehead in the Navy, my other uncle a Doctor, my brother a police officer.

So much success and service in the family lineage but not once did any of them teach me about the price of success.

I turned a dream into a career nearly 25 years ago, I dedicated time, alot of effort and kept my sponge attitude. I was good at what I did and was heading for a nice young retirement that I had saved and fought for. In January I woke up and was not able to stand on my own 2 feet, pain as I had never experienced before. I have broken things, been severely burned, hit by a car and had a few kidney stones. My sponge was full and essentially had exploded. In a matter of months life changed.

I though what I had struggled and fought for my entire career made me a success. It did not. The money I earned meant nothing as I actually had to learn how to walk again. I survived running into burning buildings for 23 years, the 9/11 terrorist attack on the Pentagon and here I wake in my own bed not able to move not able to stand not able to do much of anything. I am not a poor me kind of person.

In the months of my rehab I maintained a positive attitude, staying in touch with my crew and telling them " Just wait until I get back." I now know I am not coming back. My dream led my drive, my drive lead me to be a leader in my career and ultimately is what put me into my new career, disabled.....that doesnt sound like a successsful word to me.

What was the cost of my career ? A deteriorated back at the age of 45, burn scars , broken bones and 2 divorces. I made a good wage through those years, nearly 2 million from what my social security statement says and even more when you look at my pension and retirement savings accounts. Wow im a millionaire, not really actually not at all. You see I dove so far into my dream I forgot about the life around me. I thought I was sacrificing and doing the right thing for my family, earning, providing , giving. Problem is I gave too much . I cared too much about the wrong things. I missed holidays, vacations, time with my family. My drive disabled me. I am not a success, I am just another statistic in life.

I am not going to let that get me down. I have alot of good things going for me. My third and final chance at marriage and family, 2 children that will be successful because of my lessons on how not to live life, and a nice growing business that makes me feel much less disabled than I am. I can live with the pain for now but the emotional trauma of dealing with the title of this blog post is much more difficult.

I have started to earn a pretty good living online selling other peoples products and as that might not come across as success to anyone it is mine. It has given me back some of the failures I mentioned above. Connected again with my family, in love and feeling alive.

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