Why Your Home Will Reek of Faeces (and How to Fix It)

This is for everyone who has clay pipes in their home and has not yet experienced the joy of springtime. Keep in mind that the joy of springtime will be greatly amplified if you have a large tree with a massive root system planted close by, particularly if it is your neighbour's tree that you cannot remove.

This post is original content I am writing from memory. My qualifications? 5 years in a house build in the 1950s with a bigass maple tree next to it and clay pipes.

First Signs

You will hear odd gurgling sounds from the basement.

You will smell odd smells you never hoped to smell from the basement, particularly from the drains.

Water will start coming up from said drains. The water will stink like year old sewage and contain much of the same.

Your Reaction

Oh I'll go get some Drano and all will be well. (No it won't)

Oh I'll go get a stick, something must've got stuck in the drain. (No it didn't)

Oh I'll go get a snake, that will do it. (No it won't)

The Snake

You will snake that sucker daily and although the water level will recede, the problem will persist. The reason is that the clay pipes have cracked and roots have penetrated inside of them. When snaking, you are temporarily breaking up the roots or at least crushing them enough to make a small passage for the water. Roots, as we all know, grow at the speed of, well, roots. They don't give a crap how long of a snake you have or how muscular your arms have gotten using it. They regrow and replug.

The Solution

Unless you enjoy the sound of jackhammers, like digging and wish to get your hands dirty, you will end up calling in a plumber. The plumber will stick that snake into every hole imaginable until he (or she, although I haven't met a female plumber yet) figures out approximately where the broken pipe is. At that point he will call in some poor bastard kid he's paying minimum wage to. The kid will break up your basement floor, in the most obscene way possible, and will dig up the pipe. The pipe will splash faecal water everywhere when exposed. The pipe section will then be replaced with PVC and cement will be poured back onto it in order to recreate your floor.

Do not let your plumbers do this work unsupervised, regardless of how badly it stinks and how little desire you have to be exposed to faeces. The reason is that many plumbers have zero concept of how cement works. The cement they will cover your floor (and likely walls and furnishings) with will not be of the proper consistency and the job will have to be redone. Do not let them leave if the cement looks "off"; they will not return. Ensure the end result is done right and only then pay for it.

Next Spring

You may be spared for a spring but it is unlikely. The next spring you should prepare yourself to deal with all of this again, although you may be able to skip a year with just constant snaking.

The Moral

Don't buy anything with clay pipes.

Image Credits and Comments
1st - clay pipe with roots - borrowed from Plumbers R Us showing a blocked sewer pipe. This is extensive root penetration.

2nd - roots completely filling a pipe - borrowed from Balkan Plumbing who suggest using copper sulfate to clear the roots. This is not a permanent solution as your pipe is already cracked or otherwise damaged.

3rd - if you see this it means you're lucky as fuck and your house doesn't have to be dug up - borrowed from Angie's List info site. Angie's List suggests calling in a plumber instead of messing around with chemicals to kill the roots. You know in your heart this is true as you recall what happened during Chemistry Class in grade 9.