"Is there a way to convince my boyfriend to put more effort into our relationship?"
Excerpt: A girl loves a boy and does not want to leave him just because he doesn't put much effort into their relationship as she does. So, what to do? How to change your spouse's behavior? We live in the age of individualism, and in the hands of the more aware partner lies the responsibility for the success of the relationship. Not through struggle or force, but through acceptance and self-change.
Credit: Doug Thomas
Hi,
I have been living with my boyfriend for more than three years now. He works until late in the evenings and claims that he has no time to invest in our relationship. He says that he is very tired and prefers to sleep when he finally has time. But I think that this is the character of a lazy person. I am the one who always takes initiatives and dedicates time and effort to our love life. Is there any way to encourage him to change other than endless discussions that don’t help?
Shura
Shura,
The only way to cause the situation to change is to first accept it and fully live with it. Meaning, accept your partner as he is. The basic physical principle in life and on the path of TrueLove says that there is no way to change something you resist. The more effort you put in battling with a situation and in trying to inflict change on it, the more you perpetuate it.
A question you must ask yourself is why are you compromising? Have you lived with that person for three years now and all along have suffered that attitude of his?
Why?
Don’t you deserve more and better?
Are you afraid to take the plunge and leave?
Naturally, the reason may be that you love him; but if so, then what are you complaining about? Love towards your partner (and in general) should be unconditional because once that ground is provided the partner has a comfortable and nutritious cushion for his (or her) development. No one is forcing you to stay with him but if you make that decision, do not try to change your boyfriend; it won’t succeed.
And still, there is something you can do – work on yourself. Firstly, make a conscious effort to change the way you perceive your partner. Nowadays you see him as a lazy person. You did not say: “when it comes to our relationship he is lazy”, but you ascribed to him the quality of laziness as a general characteristic. But this is a self-fulfilling prophecy. Because if you see him as lazy now, and next week you will see him as lazy and next year the same, then when you finally get married guess what? – he will still be lazy. Do you want a lazy spouse?
In an intimate relationship, when a telepathic connection between two individuals is present, one’s thoughts and emotional images influence the other and build the nature of the relationship. Many people blame their partner for having bad qualities but they do not realize that due to the fact that they create their own reality, it is they are who responsible for perpetuating certain qualities that they have repeatedly perceived in the would-be spouse.
Therefore, providing you choose to remain with your partner-
Accept him as he is. Consider the situation as being a great lesson for you to practice unconditional love. Give to him and to the relationship without expecting to be rewarded (and I can tell you that you will be rewarded!).
Focus on the productive side of your partner, on his “positive” virtues, on the characteristics that made you love him in the first place.
Good luck!
if we go back in history, men are quite focus on how to make a money for their family, they don't have time for any romantic and emotional needs, women for instance have much more emotional needs than a man, and the man have much more physical needs like sex.
I couldn’t agree with you more. Not that I’m lazy, I would say I’m the opposite. Sometimes I work and do too much. I always have to find things to do. I don’t think this guy is lazy, he works until late night, how could he be lazy? He is just tired, he is just a human. There is a huge difference between being lazy and tired. I do feel for this guy, because I know how women are sometimes. At some point I stopped trying to understand them, it would take too much energy to do that. If he loves her, he will eventually notice she is not happy and will do something special for her. If she keeps trying to push him to do things, he would feel forced and at the end neither of them will enjoy it. I do love my wife unconditionally, but if she tried to force me to be someone I’m not, it wouldn’t make me feel good at all.
Women are easy to understand if you see them as human beings who reflect you.
What do you want? to be loved. So women want the same. The difference is that men, in general, gave up on their women, who, on their part are too focused on the outside and therefore can't bring themselves to be loved.
Haha, how could I possibly disagree with you here?
Convincing others always implies that we find our way better than the others' way. But on the one hand, what is good for us might not be good for others, and on the other hand, if we have the freedom of doing things in our own way, we should acknowledge that others too have the freedom of doing it in their own way.
Most peoples' method these days is to avoid victimization by victimizing others. Like offense is the best defense. Yet this is unaware offense in fear of getting attacked oneself. This exposes all the 'weakpoints', so that in the attempt of victimizing (attacking) others we victimize (attack) ourselves.
avoid what we want to stay away from the ugliness of someone we care about, but need the right method to do it
Ah! I wish all people in relationships remembered that. 😌
In my opinion. A woman's heart is very gentle. In the soul of a woman there is a very gentle soul. Example. A mother. Compassion is so gentle. Even before we are born into the world. A mother is dear to us. Because in the soul of a woman there is already a tender nature and affection.
To convince a woman is easy enough.
We can give him a sense of comfort.
And more attention to women.
A woman loves romantic words.
A woman is easy to forget.
If we ever hurt him. We can apologize. Her heart is easy to melt. Moreover we like to give him a gift.
It is Good to remember that within every man and woman there are both aspects, the female and the masculine.
No... There is no way he is goin to put more effort as long as he is able to see tons of other teens daily....
I am genius... I should be given permission to live on other planet 😝😝😋😋
Too much porn, mate😉
Hey@nomad-magus i really agree with you when you say
In life if you cannot change the situation then change your attitude towards it one thing i have to notice is that everytime a man comes to a comfortable home he is joyful then let her change her character may be she throws it in his face that he is lazy and that turns him off some how or the home itself let her change the arrangments but love is patient let her wait upon on the guy when she is changed too definently he will change too am sure
Your advice is great
Thanks for the feedback 👍
It's true, if someone chooses to be in a relationship they must accept some ground rules.
Great one the post @nomad-magus
love one word a thousand meanings, I also do to my partner build a sense of confidence in the couple - It is impossible we keep an eye on our boyfriend for 24 hours a day. Build a sense of confidence in our spouse.If the sense of trust awakened comfort and tranquility of each will be created.
Thanks you
Indeed.
Either you trust or not. Simple.
I believe in something that has a good effect and I believe it is very good
Yes I agreed, and in my opinion many of ways in real love, if she really love him and sincere with him, then she should be stay with him, and see a 1 day her Boyfriend will be accept that he was wrong, and I'm sure he will give her to time and love and live long with comfort, that's all, well my English is lilbit weak, but I'm sure you will be understand that's what I'm saying in this comment, well its a nice and learning full post for sincere lovers, keep it up, thanks for sharing with us, thank YOU.
As written in the book "mens are from mars, womens are from venus" ... that women do feel the need to be loved. Live how we can prove how we really love, do continuously until the woman feels completely confident with our proof.
Because we all know, love always gives space to the freedom of his beloved, just enough you disclose, prove it; then it happens!
I do agree and understand your side @nomad-magus but you know in a relationship there should be a give and take right somewhat a communication -- a two-way process. It is not about nagging about your partner's attitude but it is like hoping for a situation to come that someday you will also feel that you're not just like anybody that your partner knows that your his girlfriend. Yes, girls are sometimes dreaming about fantasies but you know girls are always girls they should be treated as one. Just my opinion though haha. But nice point @nomad-magus make sense
I understand what you are saying. "girls are girls" and that's how it's been for many many years. My point is that humanity evolves, and man and women begin to integrate both the feminine and masculine sides that are within them. I agree that there should be a reciprocity in a relationship, but what happens when there isn't? that's the issue. Instead of complaining, the woman should claim her power and make a choice.