LITTLETHOUGHTS--Holiday Hacks: How to Avoid Drama with the Family Part 4

Holiday advice from @littlescribe. If you have any questions about how to handle the holidays this year, post them below! I'll be sure to respond!

For these last three installments on how to avoid family drama over the holidays, I will be including them together, as they are brief. 

WHAT TO DO ABOUT FOOD YOU DON’T LIKE

Aunt Matilda has brought her famous casserole to Christmas dinner. You hate her casserole. But Aunt Matilda will be mortally offended and may actually die right there on the spot if you turn it down. Correction, first, she would publicly write you out of the will, and THEN she would be sure to die on the spot, with no chance of resuscitation. The whole family will blame you for her death. And you will be the topic of every holiday dinner and funeral to come. Turning down the casserole is not an option. 

What do you do? 

Simple. It’s all about the sleight-of-hand. 

1) Graciously accept your serving

2) Manage a few well-placed compliments about the amazing dish and insist on getting the recipe

3) Find a way to abscond with the food and later dispose of it

The best method for absconding with food involves a combination of pushing the food around on your plate to mingle it with other food, and using a really good napkin to stealthily hide bites (or blobs) of it until you can get rid of it. If you're really good, you'll even manage to ask for seconds. 

I also highly recommend having a designated “accomplice” who is willing to help you. 

Having a partner in crime also requires some stealth, but it is TOTALLY worth it, so make sure you pick wisely who you sit next to. I recommend having a pre-dinner game plan so you can tackle the project seamlessly. One of you will distract, while the other secretly swipes food off of each plate and stuffs it into the napkin. Then you switch roles. It's all very effective. 

I had to do this when I lived in Spain for a study abroad during college. My roommate and I lived with an old woman named Paquita who would prepare our meals and wash our laundry. That was just the way it was done. We were not allowed in the kitchen. We were not allowed to scrounge for food. We ate what was given, and that was that. On occasion Paquita would come up with meals we just could not stomach. Because we lived with her for four months, we had to get creative some nights. On top of that, my roommate was vegetarian! And a lot of the food was mediterranean--so lots of salami, sausage, cured ham, and "mariscos" (seafood). So this made things especially complicated. But we were a successful team. We knew that our survival in that home depended almost solely on whether or not we offended the cook. This woman was a wonderful cook, but sometimes it was nice just to have a back up plan! 

HOW TO ENDURE LONG-WINDED CONVERSATION

There’s always the bloke who talks too much. And no matter how many subtle (or OBVIOUS) cues you give, they keep you cornered like it's their single goal in life to make sure you have no way to exit the conversation. Until your grave. Or better yet, until THEIRS. 

With folks like these, you have two options: 

1) Cut them off cold

2) Cut them off warm

Either way, you cut them off. It's the only way. 

CUT THEM OFF COLD: 

Well, you just gotta point blank cut them off. Say in a loud voice, "Sandra, I need to go. We can finish this another time. It was lovely!" And be done. Smile and walk away. Sandra will get over it. She is used to this. You'll be no different than the rest of the human population who also cuts her off. 

CUT THEM OFF WARM:
You lean forward, get real close in their space, nod like you're listening, put your hand on their arm, and say to them-- two inches from their face (which they won't mind because they don't have any boundaries anyway, obviously)--"I need to cut you off. I've got to go to the loo." 

Then, go to the loo. And while there, be sure to take an EXTRA long time looking at your teeth in the mirror, fiddling through the cabinets, taking an inventory of toilet paper, and washing your hands. 

When you come out, be on the phone. And take it outside or in another room. Far away from Sandra. 

This should do the trick. People who need someone to talk to incessantly CANNOT POSSIBLY wait for you to get back. 

They will crack after 3 minutes. 99% of the time they will find some other unsuspecting victim to unload on. Don't feel like it's your job to entertain them or feel sorry for them. They're sucking the life out of you and everyone else. That's rude. They need to get a therapist. You need to go have fun. 

Yes, be polite. Make some conversation. But don't let them waste your afternoon. 

As a side note, if they are nuts enough to wait for you outside the loo, or follow you around, you likely have a real unstable person on your hands. Steer clear. 

HOW TO AVOID THE INEVITABLE GUILT-LOAD

You can’t avoid it. So don’t try. But there are things you can do to manage it when it happens. The first thing you need to remember is that Guilt trips are a form of passive aggressive communication. The second thing you need to remember is passive aggressive behavior needs two consenting parties in order to survive. It cannot work without you buying into the conversation. So stop doing that. 

There are two ways to handle passive aggressive communication (I explain this further in my post on how to handle passive aggressive behavior over the holidays).

1. TACKLE IT HEAD-ON, DRAMA FREE

If you decide to take it head on, it's actually quite simple and drama free. All you do is say: “OUCH! That felt like you were trying to make me feel guilty!” And let them squirm. 

They may get uncomfortable, or squeamish. But more than likely they'll just pretend it didn't happen and deflect. If perchance they get angry at you or make you out to be wrong, just shrug it off. Don't worry about it. They need to bait you so you will lose your cool. And this takes the pressure off them. So don't fall for it. 

You got your point across. You don't need to say ANYTHING else. There is nothing else to say. 

2. GET OUT OF THE CONVERSATION

If you are not feeling bold enough to call a person out, then just back out of the conversation. You heard me. Get out of the conversation. You don't need that guilt. Thanks. 

Yes, I get it. You're stuck at the dinner table. If you get up and leave, you'll appear rude. If you stay and say nothing, you'll appear weak. 

Here's what you do if you don't want to say, "Wow, it kind of feels like you are trying to make me feel guilty." 

Say, "Hm." And then pretend you heard nothing. Then draw attention to something else interesting, like dessert, or current events, or drama at work. What you'll need to do is prepare a few teasers before you arrive, so you can pull them out at random and not have to worry about coming up with something interesting under pressure. 

But the whole point is to take it like a martial artist and use the momentum of conversation about you to give attention to something else. It's a powerful place to be. Every time someone guilt loads you, and all the attention is on you, then you'll make it work FOR you. And you'll be the envy instead of the ridicule. And this will discourage guilt loading, at least to some degree. 

Good luck this holiday season, and let us all know how it goes!

FOR TODAY'S QUICK HOLIDAY RECIPE: Christmas Gummies!

 

These are a fresh-tasting, low sugar edible activity to do with the kids or grandkids. They're delicious and fun to make. But they do require a little time to set--like jell-o. 

Go here to see the blog post for this recipe. 

BE SURE TO UPVOTE, RESTEEM, AND FOLLOW!