Life-changing Girls

I am a 25 year old man. I am an addict and have been since the age of 9. I was born into a life of known drug dealers. My family was very abusive. I learned at a young age how to survive, but more importantly, how to support my drug habit. I lived for the drugs. I’ve been in and out of jail since the age of 19. I am well-known to the police in our community. In April, 2016, I was released from jail again after being incarcerated since February.  

I fell in love with the most beautiful girls. I have a second chance to be the dad that I should be. I want to be with them.  

Elektra is my oldest girl. Her beautiful blue eyes and amazing smile just melts my heart and everyone else’s. She came into our lives in the Spring of 2015. We had an apartment, but everything quickly fell apart. Both her mother and I have addiction issues. We both used drugs throughout her pregnancy. My use didn’t directly impact the baby, but hers did. The day she was born CAS was at the hospital threatening to apprehend. My baby girl was not allowed to come home. She and her mom were forced to live at the local Women’s Shelter or Elektra would be apprehended, because her grandmother and aunt would not take them in. Elektra’s aunt ran around the hospital trying to get my daughter apprehended. She would take in my daughter, but not both of my daughter and her mother. Elektra’s mom complied. This started our life with our new baby.  

Luckily Elektra's mom met a distant cousin in December, 2014, who stepped up to take them in to get them out of the Women’s Shelter. At about 3 weeks old my baby no longer needed to live in a Women’s Shelter. She and her mother moved in with her mother’s cousin. Her mom was so lucky to be able to be with our girl every day.  

It was difficult to create a special bond with Elektra because I didn’t get to spend much time with her. I wasn’t allowed to be at the hospital when she was born because her aunt and grandmother were there. And after she was born, she couldn’t even come home. I was restricted to access at the CAS office only. Her mom introduced me to her cousin to get help for my addiction. I wasn’t ready at that point. Her mom was. She was able to get cleaned up. I was happy that she was able to be there for our baby. I headed off to jail until the Fall of 2015.  

When Elektra was 6 months old, I was released. I was excited to be able to be with Elektra and her mom. I wasn’t allowed to tell anyone that we were living together. I had to hide. I wasn’t allowed to live with them. I continued to use. When I was using or “dope sick”, I wouldn’t go around my daughter. I was always afraid that my daughter would be exposed to some of the drugs through my touch or sweat from my pores. Breastfeeding was the way that Elektra’s mom chose to feed her. After I got out of jail, she started using a couple of times a week. She wouldn’t nurse for a few hours during that day; this was great because I was able to feed my baby. If anyone would come by, I would hide in the closet. 

In December, 2015, Elektra’s mother informed me that I would be able to start seeing her openly at home and I wouldn’t have to hide. I didn’t know that she needed to provide a clean drug test first. During this time, I also found out that she was pregnant again.  

January 11, 2016, I was sleeping in the bedroom when her sister and mother showed up. The CAS worker came in shortly after and advised that the drug test was not clean and that there needed to be a plan for safety. Her sister and mother sat there and were putting me down.  I listened for probably about 20 minutes and then lost my cool. I came storming out and made statements that I shouldn’t have made and left. This was the beginning of our 2nd journey with our daughter. I was really angry because I was finally getting somewhere with being able to have my family together. But I just reacted because her mom and sister have never given me a chance. CAS told Elektra’s mom that she would need to have a place of safety for her and Elektra to stay to discuss a plan or Elektra would need to be apprehended. Her mom and sister stated then that she would not be able to stay with them. Her mom conceded to the plan to stay with her cousin. The next day, Elektra’s grandmother and aunt shared all of their concerns and Elektra was apprehended. Elektra was placed in the care of her mother’s cousin. 

Elektra’s aunt was checking in on her mother, but I made threats to her which resulted in charges. I was angry and again made statements that I shouldn’t have. Shortly after I was charged and incarcerated again until April, 2016.  

Before I went into jail, Elektra’s mother was using occasionally, by the time I came out; she was a daily user and using large quantities. I realized at this point that if I wanted to be able to have my kids, then I would need to get clean. Every month, she would tell me that she was getting Elektra back. Every month, she was never returned.  

On May 19, 2016, I took my first steps to wanting to get clean for my children. I told my CAS worker what I wanted to do. This is where my journey begins.