Enough is Enough

Have you ever had an enough is enough moment? That feeling that everything around you, your life, the way you do things, the very cloths you wear, the way you think, your approach to how you live your life has to change or you will simply go insane?

I have had a couple of those in my life. The first was in my early teens, when I hadn't quite realized that I was in a loosing fight with addiction. I was at a party and had over dosed, again. I was curled up under a tree, shaking, shivering, vomiting and wondering if I was going to die. I realized, in that moment, that enough was enough. If I continued on doing things the same way I had been doing them, that i was going to die, alone, soaked in my own vomit and piss. Something had to change. I resolved to get clean. It took a lot of hard work, weeks of misery and years of fighting down old, bad habits and desires. I am proud to say though, that eighteen years later, I am still clean from all hard drugs.

My next major, life changing, enough is enough moments came a few years ago. I had suffered a severe back injury, I broke it actually, which ended my career in security, my life time of martial arts, my hobby of power lifting and had nearly sent me spiraling back into addiction. I had no idea how to define myself any more. I didn't know who I was, as my entire adult life had been defined by the things I had just lost. I wasn't able too work, to earn an income and I felt so totally useless. I felt like a burden to my wife, a failure to my family and a failure as a man. I got unbelievable drunk. I was laying on my kitchen floor, babbling like an idiot to friend of mine on the phone and all I wanted to do was die.

The next morning, when the hangover had cleared, I realized that I had had enough, again. I was done wallowing in self pity, I was done thinking myself into being useless. Enough was enough. That very day, I cracked open the knowledge vaults and started researching how best to build and run a farm that would be compatible with my physical needs. Later that very year, i began blacksmithing. It has been the best physical therapy of my life. Also, I have now mostly given up drinking. I allow myself the occasional cocktail with friend's, a glass of wine with dinner on special occasions.

My latest enough is enough moment came while I was sitting, a half smoked cigarette clutched between my fingers staring at my cellphone. I had just gotten off the phone with my sons doctor and heard his diagnosis and realized that it was very likely that my son would never be able to hold down a job long term, never be able to build the kind of life for himself that i wanted him to have and that a huge chunk of the financial burden of his life would fall on my wife and I. This triggered the thought that she and i are both getting older and the day is quickly approaching where the means of earning a living that currently support us will no longer be viable. While the fresh fruits, vegetables and meats from the farm are wonderful and the small amount of money we make from the farm and our various crafts are nice, they simply will not foot the bill for the rest of our lives. It was time, once again, to crack open the knowledge vaults.

One of my favorite teachers once told a story. He said" I had a client come to me one day and say, Jason, how do I break all these bad habits that are holding me back in my life? I said to him, I find the fact that you have bad habits reassuring. It tells me that at the very least, you know had to form a habit."

He then went on to explain that the key to getting rid of bad habits is simply to find ways to slowly modify the behavior so that it becomes a good habit over time. Use the pre-existing hard-wiring to build new behaviors on so that they serve you instead of allowing destructive behaviors to govern you. Using that philosophy, I have decided to throw myself into my teaching with the same enthusiasm I used to have for partying.

I am now reading the same way I used to do cocaine, with an extreme appetite. I am now writing the way I used to drink, with a mission oriented attitude and a near fanatical drive. I am now teaching the same way I used to chase women, with a reckless abandon and near maniacal glee.

So, today, I am making a very public declaration of intent. I will live my life to the fullest. I will educate myself endlessly. I will endeavor to secure my family's future with every action that I take. I will distill my life experience into knowledge in it's purest form and distribute it to the masses, so that they may learn equally from my mistakes and successes. I will leave this world a better place for my children and grandchildren, for however long my line will continue. I will no longer permit myself the luxury of the status quo. I will live adventurously and leave a legacy for my family that will raise them up, so that they too may make this a better world.