Deep breaths for a young man learning; One year clean from heroin

in addiction •  4 months ago

Powerful words to finally say. The feeling is to surreal to ever express through keystrokes. The clarity of sobriety brings the realization of just how sick I was. To finally know those dark thoughts are not inherit to the human condition, but a parasite that can be expelled. Anxiety, and depression only exist within me. They are not external threats. It's my mind, it's my body, It's my consciousness. I'm driving this train, not some demon in a syringe.

It's weird to meet yourself for the first time at 27. Exploring my thoughts, discovering my hobbies, and establishing morals. I don't know how else to describe it. I started abusing drugs at 16, when I should have been finding myself and my place in the world. When hormones are raging, and emotions are high. I never gave my brain the chance to wire up right or something. My mind functioning at full capacity was overwhelming at first, but now I'm finally discovering what I'm capable of. Finally learning how to deal with loss, and stress without sailing to shore at the first sight of rough waters. It still feels weird to wake up without ache's, pain, and nausea. A year and a half ago I believed this impossible. It's not what I imagined. I'm not what I imagined, but I'm happier than I've ever been.

Do you want me to tell you how I became an addict? Do you want to hear my sob story? Because I've got a good one and I could use some sympathy steem. I'm sure a tearjerker about a traumatic childhood would score some whale upvotes. let me be frank, we all have a sob story, and I say that with all the compassion and empathy possible. I'm not gonna carry around my past as a burden in my future. I threw that bag of rocks to the side of the road miles ago. I couldn't process it as a child, but I can move past it now.

Do you want to know how I got sober? It wasn't just rehab, therapy, and abstinence. I found a purpose. As a child, I was heartbroken by the things I saw in my home, and the hardships I saw my mother and family endure. I grew older and more curious about the world, it's constructs, and power structures, I was devastated by the truth. Realizing the extent of preventable suffering throughout the world was more than I could process. For years I felt helpless in the fight for my family, and the fight for a more prosperous, free world. It seemed everywhere I looked there was pain and suffering. War, addiction, corruption, and oppression. I saw everything through a lens of pessimism, and my brain associated everything with trauma's of my past. I desperately searched for some idea, something that would spark a revolution empowering the masses to overthrow their corrupt leaders, and embrace freedom. This is what the movies taught me would spark change, so this was the only path I saw. This is a cancerous mindset. To think the only way you can ever see positive changes in the world, is to wait until everyone else agrees with you and will take up arms beside you. It's a convenient way to pass the blame down the line, and never make an impact.

One day a friend also in recovery said a quote that kept me thinking for weeks. I can't remember the exact words, or who he attributed it to, but Jordan Peterson has a similar quote. If you can't clean up your room, who the hell are you to give advice to anyone?" What do I know about making the world a better place when my life is in shambles? How could I possibly be an asset to my family, or any movement when I can't even be an asset myself? Wallowing in depression and self pity accomplishes nothing. Maybe this movement isn't about changing the collective, but about changing the individual, creating independent, self-reliant humans that don't look to our corrupted leaders to solve the issues facing our society. Maybe I can have more influence in the world through example, by becoming the most intelligent, successful, compassionate, person I can possibly be. Maybe I could have a bigger impact by starting a family, and teaching my children the lessons I didn't receive. Showing them the beauty of existence before they're exposed and traumatized by the realities of being mortal human beings. I'm not married, and I don't have children yet, but I do have a family and many nieces and nephews I can teach. I'm in a career I love, that helps sick people, and has high income potential. I work everyday on increasing my intellectual capital, and creating wealth for myself and my family. I have found the direction, and purpose in life that finally brings peace, and that is to build up the next generations. What are we fighting for anyways? Ourselves? No, it's always been about the kids. We're looking towards politicians, the media, and the rest of the world for change, when we should be looking at ourselves, and our children.

My one year sobriety date was July 6th, just a few weeks before I made my steemit account. I promised my early followers that I would write more about addiction and my recovery, but i was naive in thinking I could make such an emotional journey public, or that i should be giving advice to anyone with my life in ruins. Here I am now, with a small celebration forever on the blockchain.


"I'm powerful and I'm not afraid no more!"

Love you guys
-Daniel

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Hey @dajohns1420
Congratulations. I can really feel you. Yesterday I posted a story about addiction too. I crossed the two years clean of the last addiction this august. Enjoy this new you - the REAL life, whitout a shade on it. ;)

Beautiful words man.

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Thank you!

Congrats!!!!! I wish you all the best! You are a strong man!

Good stuff. You have some writing chops, my friend. I look forward to reading more.

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Thank you! I haven't had much of an education, I dropped out my sophomore year of high school so I'm really self conscious about writing. Posting like this on steemit is a big step for me. The compliment means a lot.

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Actually, your writing is just an extension of your thinking. And your thinking is aligned very well with the telling your version of reality. I encourage you to keep writing stuff like this. The world needs it badly.

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I would never have guessed. Keep at it. You will only get better. Be fucking brave. =)

Heyyyyy @dajohns1420, I liked to read your story and you know, while I was reading I was remembering Grant Cardone story. I liestened to his audiobook "Be obsessed or be average" where he talks about his obsessions... pretty good I tell you!

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I'm gonna have to check him out! Thanks for your support!

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I'm really enjoying it

Wow. This was a very heartbreaking story but also brightening ☺️ all you been trough and the struggle to find your self.
Can't be easy charing something like that and reveal your soul. You are amazing.
Thank you for sharing and you have so much to be proud of.
Followed Upvoted and Resteemed

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Thank you so much!

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You are welcome 😊 wish you a great evening or night.

Wonderful - this is such an accomplishment - keep it up. Resteeming

great stuff man. That stuff is hardcore. Im thankful I had the constitution not to do it and to just stick with leafy greens! Keep up the good fight, and keep sending the awesome tree pictures!!

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Thanks so much. We're building an awesome community here, I love you guys!

Top man !!! Congratulations dude you have your whole life ahead of you
Keep up the good work !!!!

Dude, I wish you the best. I remember the first weeks on steemit and the guy from Arizona. @dajohn1240, we Steem On Dude!

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Thanks! You're my best steemit friend @runridefly!

Wow. This was very powerful and well-written. I must say I haven't read anything this good on Steemit in a while. I wanted to upvote it, but alas, i am too late. Please let me know when you write another doozie like this.
Ah, addicts....I was one as well, (still am sort of but no longer using drugs), and I can identify with what you're saying. You're important to the world, so I really hope you continue writing. Your writing is super raw, and doesn't contain bs, so I really appreciate that.

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Thanks that means so much coming from you! I enjoy writing, but never thought I was decent. The warm receptions definitely brings confidence and motivation :)

Fuck yeah!

Don't quit before the miracle happens.

Stay strong, keep going.

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Thank you!

Thank you for sharing your story! I'm now following, pls follow back if you feel inclined.

This post received a 4.7% upvote from @randowhale thanks to @dajohns1420! For more information, click here!

Someone I love dearly was addicted, by a doctor, to opiates. Doctors addict more people than any other group now. I've seen how difficult it was for her, and she lost her brother to an OD. I'll never understand the feeling, but I have seen the extreme suffering it causes.

Seriously, congratulations for such a huge victory. It really is a massive accomplishment. People who have not been addicted or who have not helped an addict will NEVER fully understand how difficult of a fight it is. I didn't even fight it. I was just a loving companion.

Kudos to you for being a warrior. Our first fight is to conquer ourselves. We are, in my opinion, electrical beings in a meat sack. That meat sack and all the biochemistry involved has a serious amount of influence too!

@dajohns1420 got you a $1.62 @minnowbooster upgoat, nice!
@dajohns1420 got you a $1.62 @minnowbooster upgoat, nice! (Image: pixabay.com)


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