Energy drug addict

in #addiction2 years ago

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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to FEAR despite NEVER drawing and seeing and realising..understanding an actual SOLUTION or CONCLUSION or PROCESS.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to QUESTION without giving myself the time to seek answers, seek processes, ask for assistance in seeking processes/answers and so on, and instead NOT taking the time to seek processes/answers and just immediately doubting/fearing within myself about something which is an obvious and clear as day product and program of the mind, that being a product/program as fear that does in no way, shape or form include even the interest of seeking a process/answer in any way, shape or form.

When and as I see myself participating within a fear, a fear, like all fears that are unjust, that are not BACKED by anything concrete, anything real, anything legitimate, again, as all fears - I stop and breathe. I see, realise and understand that I MUST stop in these moments, because if I am in reality to actually know of and have the answers and thus I have done investigation, seeked answers/processes, then what is there to fear? I can read it for myself, live it for myself, see it for myself - what else is there to exist as?

So here I also see, realise and understand that this fear energy has become something of a drug for me, where even though I dislike it..or at least I perceive I dislike it, I actually DO like it to an extent, and in fact I see that I actually like it more than I dislike it, because something that can alter and change me so much is..appealing in a way, something of an ‘outer body experience’ for lack of better description, despite not being that specifically, but as per all types of energy, it changes me, brings something out in me, like adrenaline, it is like a vehicle inside me, a motor..some type of quantum process that gives me a boost that is addictive - I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to love this energy, to run on this energy, to exist as this energy, to use this energy as fuel, instead of using my fuel as breathing, as resting, as drinking water, as eating food.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire a different type of feeling within me and inside me as per an energy. I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to be CONTENT, ACCEPTING, UNDERSTANDING, GRATIFIED, DIGNIFIED, as per my one and only physical body, that I am here because of, that I exist as, that allows me to breathe, to function, to exist, to be real and me in all moments of life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become a drug addict, an energy addict, and want to go back and back again to this energy, despite the obvious detriment to my body, to my health, to my process, to my change, my evolution and so that of others too, of society, of the world, of humanity, of life.

http://desteni.org/