For me, this is one of the most stressful realisations about parenting. It’s accepting your actions will directly impact your children. It’s an ongoing frustration because I like to go my own way even if it means I’ll be isolating myself. I try my best, but I don’t fit in. I don’t even have a cultural barrier as an excuse. It’s something that brings a lot of guilt that I couldn’t do better for them.
Last year, in a school situation, I had to hold back, and when I finally decided I needed to speak up, I had to talk through another teacher, then the principal. I just knew I’d be too emotional and it would result in me sounding accusatory. I didn’t want the my daughter’s teacher to feel defensive. I was worried it might make things harder for my daughter. So in the end, it was me weeping in the principal’s office. Lol. It all worked out well and I was glad I went in to bat for my daughter.
In a parent situation it’s even more difficult. Young children don’t understand the dynamics. As far as my girls are concern, everyone should be friends. My 8 y.o daughter who is an extreme extrovert in a family of introverts, is even going as far as trying to facilitate friendships for me with other mothers... -sigh-
But your situation sounds much more complicated. I think it was very good of you to have waited and formally apologised. You did your best and that’s admirable. I hope it all worked out for your family.
That’s funny. I hope my kids don’t ever try to get me to befriend their friends’ parents. If friendships naturally develop, that’s great, but I don’t want to go on play dates that my kids set up for me;-).
We sound similar. I’m not very extroverted either, and I used to always just go my own way. Living in Japan for so long has changed that a bit, though.
Before having kids, I never even thought about this problem, of having to either watch my own behavior because of the effects it might have on my kids through the opinions of others, or that I might have to be responsible for my childrens’ actions, despite not being present at the time the incident occurred. These are things I’ve only learned about through experiences (mostly by making mistakes).
Everything seems to have worked out fine. My son’s friend is okay, and his parents don’t appear to be mad about it. I’m sure I was partially overreacting, but you never know.
Yes...the play dates...she’s tried that too. Literally stood there and demanded me and poor other parent set a date. It’s terribly embarrassing. She’s actually quite beautiful in her enthusiasm to see people come together. I marvel at how she’d wave, smile and know so many people at her school by name. Very unlike me at that age or her twin. I really love and admire her extroverted spirit, but it remains a challenge to find a strategy that works for both of us.
Anyway, it’s always interesting to hear of the cultural differences observed by a westerner living in a Japanese society. Dbooster is always pointing out quirky stuff. Hehe.
Yeah, he has a real eye for the everyday differences that are sometimes so obvious that they quickly disappear. I really enjoy his posts.