Creatively support your mental health - the "WHY" game
I have mentioned over and over in my previous posts how you should help your brain to help you be happy and healthy with various exercises. Some of you have reached out and asked what those exercises are and since @mountainjewel made a lovely tag #ihaveanxietytoo, I will share with you an amazing brain game that always helped me when I was in my low moments. It can help you too, as long as you follow the rules. Like any game, you can win or lose this one too.
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CC0 licence, Pixabay, author: johnhain, adapted by me
There are two ways to live your life. One is to let your thoughts and emotions control you and the other is for you to control them. This is not something that you can master overnight, especially if you are dealing with anxiety or depression but let me tell you a little secret... People who have or had those problems are more likely to learn how to control their thoughts and emotions and after they get better are much more healthier and happier than those that did not have those problems. This is because we start working on ourselves only when we have the problem. If you do not have it, be wise and work on yourself too ;)
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Ever since you were born, you have been training and tutoring your brain how to work. Everything that you experienced with your senses was translated to signals that reached your brain and provoked a certain reaction, mental, emotional, or both. You can not control the outside world but the inside one is all your doing. No one created your thoughts but you. Own it. Accept responsibility for them. Maybe you made a mistake or two, maybe even more and it got your brain screwed up and depressed. That is nothing that can not be fixed but do not beat yourself up about it and respect results too fast.
Be confident about your progress.
Imagine a little baby trying to walk for the first time. It will fall a lot. When it does fall, what do you do? Do you scream at that baby, call it names? Do you say it is stupid and incompetent? Do you say: "Hey baby, you fell down! You will never walk so give up! I don't think I have ever seen people act that way. People encourage the baby, help it up and say: "Try again" with a smile on their face. That is what you have to do with your brain. Encourage it and remind it to try again and try again and try again and try again and try again...
If your brain is not working to your liking, retrain it. It can be done. All you have to do is pay attention to your thoughts and not allow them to flow naturally without any control. Direct them instead. This is not an easy process but there are ways to make it fun. Just like exercising your muscles. It can be hard and you can hate it or you can put on some music, pick the fun ones and move your body until more time passed than you realized and there is sweat all over. Your brain needs exercise too. Not exercising is what got you where you are now, and exercising will get you out.
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brain-training, author: Tumisu, CC0 image from Pixabay
Every time you deliberately pick one thought over another, you are exercising your brain. When you say something like I AM STUPID FOR DOING THIS and then respond with HEY, WHY DID I SAY THAT? I SHOULD NOT HAVE CALLED MYSELF STUPID, you are exercising your brain by stopping it in its thought momentum and taking back your control over it. Usually, people let their thoughts run wild and get drowned by them. I AM STUPID leads to: I ALWAYS WAS, I AM WORTHLESS, I AM BAD, WHO WOULD LOVE ME and so on. The point is to divert your thoughts to another direction but just realizing that you had a thought and stopping for a moment with "WHY DID I THINK THAT?" or "WHY DID I SAY THAT?" is a huuuuuuuuge accomplishment and you should give yourself credit every time you manage to do that. Most of the population, the population that is considered healthy and does not have mental problems, is not able to do that. If you are, CELEBRATE IT!
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There comes a time in every child's life when it starts asking questions. Most of those questions start with the word "why". They want to know why is the sky blue, why do they have to eat their vegetables, why is the power out, why does a chicken have two legs and a cow has four. So many whys. Every answer you give them will make them ask another question and when you answer that one, they will ask you another one most times interrupting you while you talk to ask you yet another one.
They stopped asking questions
because adults told them to stop.
Kids know that questions are more important than answers. Without questions, there would be no answers. They love questioning so much that they will not wait for you to finish your answer before they ask you another question. When they are satisfied with what they have heard, they will make another question and they will keep doing that until we teach them that interrupting is bad. Then we lose our patience and interrupt the questioning with answers like "Because I said so." and in the end stop them all together with "Not now" and finally "Stop asking questions!" I loved having those why conversations when I was a kid and I really enjoy them as an adult. I have so much fun when I get the chance to be around children and play along with the "why interrogation". That is why they became an inspiration for the mental WHY GAME that I play with myself. I will teach you how to play with yourself too. Hmmm... That sounded kinky... Scratch that. I will teach you how to play with your brain.
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Like any other game, you can either win or lose this one too. Luckily, you can always start over and play again until you win. That is kind of the point of getting better, right? Not to give up. As with any other game, we have rules and players. There are two players every time, you and your brain. You lose the moment you stop playing and the brain remains the only one in the game. As longs as you are playing, you are winning. Simple, right? There is no end you have to achieve here.
To play is to win.
The game starts with your reaction to something, anything and any reaction. Your brain is doing the answering, and you are doing the questioning. Why, why, and why, only why. Whatever your brain response is, just ask why. You do not even have to wait for it to finish. You can interrupt it whenever you want by another why.
IMAGINE IT IS A PERSON
AND ALWAYS ASK 2 WHY QUESTIONS!
Imagine that your brain is a person. Your next question to it should always be in response to what it just said. If it said I do not deserve this, your next questions should be:
- Why don't I deserve this?
- Why do I think I do not deserve this?
Always ask two questions with the second one being its last answer in a question form with the word why at the beginning. Maybe your brain will answer something like I don't deserve this because I am not a good person and I think I do not deserve it because there is proof all around me. Now we introduce THE RULES. Whenever your brain says something negative, say BAD BRAIN! and when it says something positive say GOOD BRAIN! just like you would if you were training a dog. After you say that, move on to your next two questions, for example:
BAD BRAIN!
- Why am I not a good person?
- Why do I think I am not a good person?
Your brain may answer I am not a good person because I am not like others and that is why I think that! or it could go in another direction and say something like I am depressed and this is not true, I made myself think that I am not a good person. Since this is a slightly more positive answer than the last one, because your brain did acknowledge what was going on, you should respond accordingly.
GOOD BRAIN!
- Why did I made myself think I am not a good person?
- Why do I no more think that I am not a good person?
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Rules, author: geralt, CC0 image from Pixabay
You following the rules means saying GOOD BRAIN and BAD BRAIN to its responses and always asking two more questions but just because you are playing by the rules does not mean your brain will. It may ignore your questions and say something completely different or ignore you all together. When that happens (and it will), just keep following the rules. If it starts talking about something else, ask another two questions regarding the thing it is now talking about and if it is ignoring you repeat your questions or ask it why is it ignoring you. It will probably say that it is ignoring you because the game is stupid or something like that. Fine, just ask it why is the game stupid and why does it think that. Even if your brain responds with something like Hey look, that bird is pretty! continue the game by asking two more why questions like:
GOOD BRAIN!
- Why is that bird pretty?
- Why do I think the bird is pretty?
First response there is GOOD BRAIN because even though the brain maybe did not answer your previous questions, it did respond with something positive. Remeber, the point here is to recognize if the response was positive or negative, focus on the why questions and not give up. As long as you are playing, you are winning. When you stop, you lose. It is normal that you will eventually stop. You will not be playing this your entire day (but then again, if you can, go ahead), just make sure that you start playing it again when you notice that you have not been playing for a while. There is nothing wrong with playing this game a couple of times during the day and no matter how long you managed to play it, give yourself credit for playing and then start again.
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We are often prisoners of our own thoughts and no one out there is controlling us accept us. You could blame the media, your parents, society or the books you have read but it all comes down to your thoughts. Maybe it is time that you accept responsibility for them. No one can make you think something but you could make yourself think all sorts of things.
Choose what you think
Your every emotion is valid and important. To get somewhere you do not only have to know where you are going but you have to know where you are right now. How would you know where to go if you do not know from where you are starting? Accept what you are and where you are. Accept why you are where you are and why you are who you are. One of the benefits of this game is your brain responding to your questions naturally. It will always say what it wants to say. By listening to those answers, you will get a better idea about your current condition and know where you are and how you are. Sometimes we are not really aware of that. We may think that we are worse than we are or even that we are better than we are. This game provides a fresh perspective.
It is all about control
Control is important. You should aim for a state of control over your thoughts and leave the place where you are controlled by them. Every time you stop yourself in the middle of something, you are taking that control back. Every time you ask your brain those WHY questions, you are stopping it from further rambling and taking you where you do not really want to be. Where do you want to be? Who do you really want to be? By asking your brain WHY questions you will get there sooner because you will trigger it to think. It will think and it will think more and more but it will think what you make him think. This game will help you. Have some fun and try it. What have you got to lose?
Until next time,
KEEP YOUR SMILE ON!
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Interesting game @zen-art! Maybe I could mention this to my husband, or just be more positive in general. He's finally getting help for his depression, and his therapist told him to celebrate the little victories (as in, he reported to her that he half-filled the dishwasher this past week), while I'm over here thinking - he barely does anything, what victories?? I guess they're victories for him and I need to acknowledge that. So is this where I say, "Good brain?" :D
Thanks for the insight!
negative statement: he barely does anything, what victories??
positive statement: I guess they're victories for him and I need to acknowledge that
You should definitely mention this game to him, maybe even try playing it yourself, it can help everyone. Thank you for sharing your experience with us and for your support 💚
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this is fabulous, such a great idea and tapping into knowledge we have always had since children is very empowering, great entry lovely xxxx
Children have so much to teach us, I am glad you liked this, thank you 💚
Oh my goodness! Such great advice here. I think most of us need to try this, and train, or re-train our brains. This is something I struggle with frequently for myself, and especially with my daughter who suffers from severe anxiety.
Excuse me while I re-read this to absorb it better and try and put some of this into action! ♥
I hope you will put it to good use and have some fun with it. Hope your daughter gets better soon, sending you both much love 💚
Thank you! ♥♥
But WHY should I play this game....?!?
😜
Seriously though, I love this. Particularly the double-barrelled question:
why.....? and why do I think that....? That's a really clever tool at tricking the mind into either understanding the congruency of the thought attached to the emotion, or not.
Yeah, those two questions, especially the second one can be really useful. Our brains can be amazing if we guide them in that amazing direction or they can be our downfall. We forget that we have power over our decision making, it does not have to be accidental. ;)
I like the way you frame this as a game. It certainly is a problem that we just accept reality and our thoughts as real and something that can't be changed. I think when people make the decision to enquire your progress can be made. Of course there biochemical hacks that can help too full stop when I was in the worst of my anxiety I knew each thought was just my anxious mind thinking and it wasn't real but that didn't stop me feeling paranoid and anxious self critical and so on full stop it takes a lot of effort to retrain your brain and a lot of help from other supportive therapy as well. However simply the knowledge that you can retrain your brain is very empowering
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It does take a lot of effort but yes, the fact that it can be done as a realization is really helpful and gives hope. When I realized that, I stopped feeling powerless and started doing something about it. I no longer had an opinion that my life will never change or that I will always stay like that. Thank you for your lovely comment and for sharing your experience 💚
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hey my dear friend zen-art, you can use my manipulation in your blog, no mention to credit. love your work friend.
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