No Baby Yet?

‘So, when are you guys having kids? You aren’t growing any younger, you know? We are tired of waiting.’

*face palm*

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These sneaky little passive-aggressive questions need to stop. Most of the time, society dictates that our lives follow a certain ‘formula’. Go to Uni, get a job, move out, settle down, get married, have babies, retire…die.  Maybe I haven’t figured out how to get them. I am definitely open for suggestions though.  Or do you need to know so that you can plan when to quit your job so that you come help us raise the child? I’m assuming you want to know so that you can begin saving up to buy some awesome and expensive gift, yes? Aren’t you the best! 

Dear beloved grandmas and aunties (especially grandmas), there’s nothing we look more forward to than getting bombarded with these questions. In fact, if we come upcountry and don’t hear any of these, we go home asking ourselves questions. Don’t they care anymore? Have they given up on us? We are so sorry for keeping you waiting. Rest assured that we are now trying really hard. Real hard. With all of you clearly being so concerned, we might as well give you cause to celebrate, right? Please read the sarcasm here. Don’t miss it. I’d like to enjoy family gatherings but you won’t let me. I don’t even look forward to those any more. Allow me to hold a baby without you bombarding me with those ‘When are you planning to get yours?” questions. Phone calls too. Don’t you think it’s weird when you sit in your house thinking about how I don’t have a child yet, then your mind tells you to call me and you actually do it? It is.  

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Honestly, it’s never ok to ask anyone what’s going on with their reproductive system. It’s none of your business. This question is insensitive. As some comedian once said ‘Never ask a woman if she’s pregnant unless you actually see a baby’s head coming out of her legs.’ Sage advice, don’t you think? But why won’t people take it? Quit asking me what I’m waiting for. What answer do you want? God? Slow sperm? Science? A miracle?  All we know is that right now, today is not the time for that. Right now, today, we are happy. Please put that stink eye away. The judgey face too. Pretty sure there are more important things in your own life that you could be thinking about. Keep the stares directed at my flat (not so flat though) stomach coupled with pursed lips to yourself. The scrunched up face too. We don’t need to defend ourselves over our choice to wait. What’s right for you may not be right for us. Most couples will appreciate the relief of not having to explain why they aren’t having children yet or their need to cover with excuses. 

At the end of the day, it shouldn’t matter to you why couples you think would make great parents haven’t had a baby yet. It’s not their duty to get pregnant on your request or even tell you when they succeed. It may not be something they want to talk about and worst case scenario, you could possibly be hurting them in cases where they have been unable to conceive. Even if there are no issues preventing them from getting pregnant, it’s just infuriating to think that we all have to follow a certain path of life because you expect that they do. 

Some people have kids young, others will have them old. Some have them single, others wait to get married first. Some never get them; others never get married at all. Some simply can’t have children at all and they don’t need the reminder as if they don’t think enough of it as it is. It’s the couple’s decision. The ‘if and the when’. No one else’s. So stop asking. I dream of the day when I can surprise you with amazing news that I’m pregnant, but right now, every time I see you I feel like I have to come up with an excuse as to why I am not.  

I’ll procreate when I want to. Not because you want me to.