Are you a sell out?
This is a complicated subject and a very subjective one at that, but I think it’s one we should all ask ourselves and be honest with ourselves about. What constitutes a sell out? How real can we possibly be when there is a monetary reward? Even without the money, hasn’t social media turned attention into its own kind of currency? Would you do what you are doing if no one was watching? How different would you act? Do you think you’d be able to savor the moment and your experiences more if you weren’t thinking about how people would perceive you later through social media?
We all act differently when we know others are watching. It may be out of insecurity for some, but for many it may be done strategically, in order to maximize personal gain. It may also be out of a desire to hold consistent narratives about ourselves, narratives which are unavoidably influenced by others and which we tend to hold on to for a very long time. It may only be a slight, subconscious difference for some, but it seems unavoidable that there is always SOME difference. So then the question arises “What kind of difference is ok and how much difference is ok?” As I’ve already said, the answer will be different for everyone.
I was talking to @vincentnijman the other day on discord about some rather personal topics. As I was sharing some stories with him I suddenly realized I could easily go trending if I posted some of my more personal stories.
So why don’t I share these stories?
I’m not shy about any of it. I’m not worried about what people will think. Aside from that, I’ve remained anonymous thus far and so you wouldn’t even be able to connect any of these stories to a name or a face. I’m not worried about what you’d do with the information as there is nothing incriminating that I don’t share openly in person.
There was an awesome Deadpost submitted by @fireawaymarmot, Privacy: Illusion or Reality?, now that I think about it I should have given it a prize even if it wasn’t one of the top voted deadposts for the week. He made the point that privacy is different from secrecy, and privacy is where you forge your individuality. It also allows us to bond and create a more meaningful kind of connection through sharing these more private stories.
A good comparison would be the object of our affection, someone we are attracted to. It doesn’t matter if it’s a guy or girl, the object of our affection will become less attractive when we know they’ve slept with everyone in town, when they know anything and everything is fair game for everyone, or up for sale. It’s not much different when it comes to friendship. If you share it all, without discretion, you may gain fame and success, but you lose the means of forging deeper connections with a select few.
Aside from this, some things are just too sacred.
There are moments in my life, friendships, experiences, which would be drained of all their magic, taken for granted, tainted and robbed of their meaning, if I were to share them too readily. In particular, there are moments of shared joy and pain which are best guarded carefully, not because of what others would do to them, but because of what I could do to them by just treating them as a vehicle for profit, be it tangible currency like Steem, or just social status and attention. There are also stories which are not mine to tell.
There are ways I try to get around this because I’ve experienced many things that I believe could help others to learn, to find passion for life, to find a newfound trust in humanity. I want nothing more than to share all of this with anyone I can, but not at the expense of my the integrity of everything that made me what I am.
Sometimes I use fiction or poetry (as in my last post about my experience in an earthquaketo express the underlying themes without the need to expose everyone involved or dramatize the events. Sometimes I speak of things indirectly or in an ambiguous way in order to avoid a feeling that I’ve selfishly exchanged an experience for your attention or admiration. I omit any information which is not necessary to making a more overarching statement about life or to raise a certain point that I am trying to make. I try to make any sharing of personal information to primarily provide something meaningful to those who read it.
If I think it serves me more than the reader, I usually keep it to myself.
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Confessions of the Damaged - a collection of short stories
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by @skyleap
Great thought. Thanks for the read! I think it really boils down to your own self-honesty - sharing sensitive details and stories with people can be difficult, but there's a lot of potentiality for people to benefit and take inspiration from them.
For example, I've had a lot of issues with anxiety, depression, and alcoholism, and I don't post about it for attention or pity, but more because when I read someone making similar claims, it makes me feel better to know that I'm not the only one. In a way, I feel like posting about these things may have that effect on someone else as well. It's about giving back, way more than it's about me.
Again with the self-honesty - if it were for profit, I don't think I'd be able to talk about it the way I do. But deep down I know it's for that reason above - so that others may get some comfort from my own acts of vulnerability.
I've never known you to post in-genuinely, at least since I started following you, so I wouldn't worry about it too much. Just because there's a price tag on our posts, it doesn't necessarily mean they're not coming from a more authentic place in our minds and hearts, you know.
I think you get it. The reason this topic came up is because I have a lot of amazing experiences that were thanks to other people, people who could easily be extremely famous if that’s what they wanted. A lot of my stories are actually our collective stories and I don’t want to share those simply for my own benefit. I use fiction as a way to remix and put a little bit more of myself in it, to avoid profiting off a photograph where the model is unwilling to be part of an exhibition. Like a band who wrote songs together and share the rights to the song...haha I could rewrite this post with all these metaphors!
Haha of course, totally understand. We all find the formulas that work for us eventually, you know. It's just about experimenting with your words and styles in a way that respects the other people involved, but also does your experiences justice.
It's somewhat depressing that our best memories would die with us.
Fine, some stories are not ours to tell but we are a part of it. That's one thing I love about writing(as I read through, I thought of commenting about it until I saw you stated it out mid-way), we can't help the part of us that eases into a character or a story, but seeing as we term it fiction we feel more secure about sharing it.
It's purely human nature to care what people think, you can't satisfy every single person. But I really think approach matters a lot.
If you come baring out your dark secrets, loud and proud, you risk losing out on friendships that would really matter, while if you use a I-know-I-fucked-up but that was part of the learning process which ultimately made me into the person I am now approach, the bond could grow deeper, as the right people would see more into you and appreciate you for who you are.
I used to feel that way, sad that my memories would be gone with each, but now I have a much more holistic view of things, I feel that everything reverberates, like when you throw a rock into a still river. Sometimes I have memories of a home I’ve never been. Some people may say they are from a past life, but they also may just be feelings out in the air, left by someone s long time ago, that the wind or the trees chose to share with me.
I feel comfortable putting things into fiction because it gives me a chance to remix it so it’s not just a copy of my experiences, so I’m free to be as artistic as I want in the telling of it and I don’t feel I’m “using” anything in an unsavory way
I’m talking less about deep dark secrets and more about those stories that would be easily dramatized, my experience in an earthquake, for example, or the death of a friend. Dramatization gets views, it gets upvotes, it gets attention, for sure. I don’t think either of these topics are completely off limits for me but I want to be extra careful with how I express them because I don’t want to take advantage of my own experiences and other people unless it’s really going to be beneficial for the reader.
There's a certain beauty to this sentence. Makes me really want to believe in reincarnation.
I really get your point now, and I think it's sublime that one would have such thoughtfulness.
You can quote me, but don’t quote me, haha I will try not to compromise this, but it’s quite difficult in the digital age!
Hehe... you'd be fine.
We're all sellouts in some way or another. I think it's important to make a distinction between the "seeling out" that may be done even involuntarily from the seeling out that hinders our integrity and deceives others.
One example of the first would be intentionally sharing some private facts or stories of your life in the hopes of creating a deeper sense of connection to your readership.
On the other hand, a classic example of seeling out to the dark side would be promoting a bulshit product to them that you have no personal experience with just so you can milk them for cash.
I totally understand. I feel like I’ve sold out by coming back to social media, but at the same time, it’s all fun and meaningful too! I don’t feel too guilty about it.
I don't think I am a sell out on Steemit or social media in general, at least in the way that you describe.
You ask "Would you do what you are doing if no one was watching?" and in relation to Steemit I would answer "no". What would be the point? I post and comment to meet interesting people that I feel some connection to and without that I would have no desire to be here.
In fact, that's one of the things I'd love about Steemit, being able to express myself freely without fear (most of the time) of judgement.
For the most part I have said what I wanted to say, even if I felt nervous about how it might be received. The only time I've withheld was on a flagging wars post, in the early days, when I was scared I would get flagged.
I've had a couple of sticky moments, one person unfollowing me and another writing a very defensive response that I had to resist responding to in an equally defensive way.
Outside Steemit I would say there are a couple people in my life whom I choose not talk about certain topics with. If the come up in conversation I usually just don't respond. I wouldn't class that as a sell out though.
Over the years I've learned that trying to please people takes way too much energy. And the reward for saying what you want to say and having others appreciate it is a great one. Although it can feel squirmy if they don't like it, it's less of an energy drain than censoring myself.
I’m not very concerned with pleasing people like a politician, though I do prefer to avoid conflict. I’ve never withheld anything for fear of how it would be received, at least not when I’m in my happy place. I do find myself thinking “that would do really well on steemit” quite often though and I need to think about it a bit, does it come from the desire to connect or does it come from the desire for a payout and a bigger following. This became a big question for me on my last post about the earthquake, I feel there is a certain sacredness around that experience and a few others that I need to honor and tread carefully.
The thing is though, who are we to judge what's helpful or right for someone else? Even if a post comes from a desire for a payout and a bigger following it might be just what someone was needing/wanting to hear. It could be the very thing that makes a difference.
One of the things I've learned from coaching is how poor a judge I am when it comes to what is valuable or not to someone else. I can come away from a session really pleased because I thought it was spot on and valuable and a client won't mention it particularly.
Other times I do a session that I think is pretty run of the mill and my client raves about it for weeks.
Same with my art (and posts here). I create something that I think is really good and really valuable and no one says much. Then I create something that's pretty average to me and others are raving about it.
I say, if you have an idea for a post that appeals, go for it, whatever your motivation. You have too much heart to do any disservice here.
It's the old "put it out and let the world decided" again. 💙
Haha yes, I suppose. If the inspiration is there, it usually makes its way to where someone can see it.
There is a quote that I like quite a bit,"Life is too short to learn from one's own mistakes and experiences, learn it from others."
If some great people hadn't shared their mistakes and experiences, this world would have been missing some of the greatest stories they know now.
Yes, I’m happy to share my own mistakes. No problem there!
Ok. So I poked around Google and found that wo can stand for willfully obscure. Is this the context you are using it in here? 😁
Refresh the page!
Ha, ha, ha. hilarious, And there was I thinking you were being wittily obscure. Wish I'd taken a screenshot to show you what it looked like to me. I've got the real mccoy now.😁
Thanks very much for the shoutout @whatamidoing. It is certainly a very complicated subject with a lot of push and pull going on, and I think you've done a commendable job trying to deal with these elements here.
Yes, we all act differently when we know others are watching and also while using the social media people are more courageus than their normal life as they can keep themselves anonymous. So what about our thoughts? Will we be thinking the same things if people around us can see or know our thoughts? Or like the same way; if we can know the thoughts of other people around us will our relationship be the same?
I think this all came to your opinion that we should keep some memories to ourselves. All the joy, sadness and other emotions that we have in those memories are written to our minds like diaries.
Also I think that good novelists are the people who can write pages that are influenced by their experiences and that they can make this without revealing their own memories.