Leitner [my entry to Finish the Story #46]

in #finishthestory6 years ago

finishTheStory01.jpg

This is my entry to @bananafish contest Finish the Ftory #46.


Leitner

by @dirge


Benjamin Leitner, son of General Reinold Leitner, grandson of Count Dietrich Leitner, stepped from the stagecoach and lit his pipe. The night was cold, the sky a vast black emptiness. The moon, if it had shown itself at all that night, was gone, and nothing but the light cast by Benjamin’s lantern offered solace from the creeping dark.
He’d reached the graveyard, home of his family tomb and its historic dynasty. It was a forbidden place, the site of his late mother’s suicide, where Leitners were entombed stretching back centuries. He hated this place, more than anywhere else on earth. But he’d come, alone as ordered to. He’d come, as he had no other option but to do so. And he’d brought the gold.

The letter was written in her typical style. Loquacious, expounding on the nature of their relationship, apologizing for her affairs, thanking him for standing by her throughout it, remaining at her side despite all the controversy of the town. Despite even her own parents telling him to abandon her as a lost cause.

She’d not only dragged herself down into the mud. But him as well. Benjamin the financier, of Wolfstone and Kauffman, now the cuckold of all of Austria. But worst of all, she’d tarnished the name of Leitner.

And when the accusation came, of witchcraft and devilry, of black magic and the most bestial of sacrilege, of whoring in the night endowed with opiates unto madness. Well, it was no wonder when Kauffman wanted out.

And still he stood by her.

Should he have been surprised when the letter came, demanding the last of his finances or else she’d accuse him in the papers of having masterminded it all? Of being an original scholar of the black arts?
That would render the Leitner name into devilry.

No. He couldn’t allow that.

Benjamin finished his pipe, the tobacco charred and ashen. He cast the ash into the wind then slipped the cherry wood pipe into his coat pocket, beside the letter crested with her seal.

Melinda. Oh, you wench.

I’ll be in the crypts, waiting.

He suspected she wasn’t alone. Benjamin suspected the whole carnal tribe to be down there, waiting for her.

Well, so much the better. Let them all wait for his arrival. Let them all see the truth, the forbidden history denied to the world. Stretching back into the foundation of the soil. Let them know who it was that the Leitner’s may be.

He stepped across the grass, peering at the graves of his forbears till he reached the central crypt. The iron gate was ajar and the darkness seemingly impenetrable. They were down there, waiting for him.

“Melinda,” Benjamin said to himself. “It could have been different. So different. But you threatened my name. For that, I cannot forgive you.”

He entered the crypts.

“Time to meet the family,” he thought to himself, almost with a laugh.

My ending


The belly sound of his heels echoed in the dead silence while he was passing through the crypt. Shudder that weak alighted tombs caused didn't daunt him. Melinda's tombstone finally was in front of him. He instinctively lifted the lantern and lighted around to make sure he was alone.

The time has come.

He lowered the lantern and laid his hands on the tombstone edge. All his weight he relied upon it and started to push out. The friction of the tombstone sounded like a stilly titter. He stopped, took the lantern and lighten around. He heard some silent whisper, but he couldn't see anyone.

"Who's there?" He asked.

All he could hear was just the echo of his voice. He stood for a while listening to the dark, but only the dead silence could be heard.

He lowered the lantern, underneath the coat he took a hawthorn stake and put it down beside the tomb. He continued to push out the tombstone. He stopped once again after he heard the titter. He didn't care about tittering afterwards. He opened the tomb enough to see Melinda's body and took the lantern and hawthorn stake.

The party is over, Melinda.

He put the lantern on the tombstone, took the hawthorn stake by both hands and raised it up to jab Melinda's heart. But, Melinda wasn't there. The tomb was empty.

The loud screaming laugh cut the air. The sound of flapping wings grouted the crypt. He rose the lantern to see what's happening. There were bats flying haywire. Soon the bats formed a circle and flew over the crypt centre.

What a shit...

Bats flew down to the floor and turned into people. He squeezed the hawthorn stake like a battle spear. One woman stepped to the circle of people and started to dance leisurely. The others were waging in the circle in the rhythm of her dance.

It's Melinda. This is the dance of the vampires.

The choir of the vampires sang some song and Melinda hovered up. He stood like frozen.

"Let's gangbang him," Melinda said pinting to Benjamin.

All the vampires turned to him.

"Vade retro Satanas!" He pointed the hawthorn stake to them.

The vampires were laughing and running around him, while he twisted the hawthorn stake from one vampire to another. Some of the vampires turned into the bats, flew for a while and turned into the vampires again. Their game drove him in confusion. From time to time he'd feel a vampire breath on his neck. Then he'd hit the vampire who was trying to bite him. He waved the hawthorn stake around and somehow succeeded to run out of the crypt.

The day after he was at the rail station waiting for the train to Belgrade, Serbia. There he should take a stagecoach to Majdanpek, the town in the region that has a long tradition of vampires and their slaughters.

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A very dynamic entry! I couldn't wait for him to get out of that crypt. So glad you let him escape...although this is obviously not the end of the story, with all those vampires flying around :)
I think you had fun with this.

Thanks. Actually, I didn't want to finish story by solving old problem of the family. Yes, I had fun with this. Ispacialy cause I sent him to Majdanpek, town in eastern Serbia known after the magic, vampires and things like that.

Hi vasigo,

This post has been upvoted by the Curie community curation project and associated vote trail as exceptional content (human curated and reviewed). Have a great day :)

Visit curiesteem.com or join the Curie Discord community to learn more.

First of all: congrats on actually getting that @curie upvote. Neaterino to be quite honest. Now let's get to the post and get cracking (obviously skipping over the @dirge created prompt as that is his and this comment is not for the prompt but the obvious finish the story entry; still like where this can go in any a case with the prompt and how it's not all that it seems despite being very much a central European story).

If there's one thing that I like, the usage of the format that the prompt writer uses. That goes for the nice usage of italics for the "thinking" part of the character. The quotation marks where needed for quoting characters at any given moment. The breaks in paragraphs because duh, but sincerely given things like a space and knowing we entered into a different space. Probably the only thing I would mark this for is that the closing stanza/paragraph could've used a <"hr/"> html (just remove the quotes). Not for my sake particularly, but for future references to major shifts in time and for the fact we don't have the luxury of chapter seperation giving a perfect excuse to jump time periods.

La filosofía (The philosophy): If there's one thing that the prompt definitely had given you, it's definitely the graveyard scene and the stereotypical Eastern-Central-Southern European stereotypes to play around with. (Not to say that @dirge actually used such, just allowed the possibility to form in any given prompt; especially the negative stereotypes against women who act out of line.) Upon such, I love the fact that you played up on the black magic part ("Vade retro Satanas!") and went vampiric on the ending. Much like some a Castlevania / Belmonte situation we got on going here, just without Count Dracula fucking up the World - yet. Also the employment of technology of that time is used beautifully at the end, especially when you used that to shoehorn in your motherland. c:

So happy writing and happy steeming!

Great story with surprises at the end. Like how you worked Serbia in as well.

A good entry. I like how you describe everything at the beginning of your end, you transmit well that feeling of silence and solitude.

Such a lovely story from a great mind. I nailed the story and I really enjoyed reading every single word in there. Great piece and keep giving out more marvelous works of you

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"Let's gangbang him," Melinda said pinting to Benjamin.

How in the hell did he escape? Always fun to read about vampires. Good luck in Serbia, Herr Leitner

Congrats on the curie vote!! And no wonder! A great vampire ending hitting a fair few of the traditional boxes is always nice to see. Having him open the coffin for her to be there, only to look away, and find her vanished, is a really nice touch, had me thinking of dear Lucy in dracula. You manage to pack a lot in the word count, and the vampire dance, the combined assault, and threat of a gangbang - pulled so perfectly on the vampire hordes, I could almost see them closing in on him.

There is some great description in here, the line you open on:

The belly sound of his heels

really struck me, I thought about it for a moment, and it is such a good way to describe the sound ringing around a room, the full shape of the sound as each step echoes and overlays the last.

And such a nice ending, feels very much like this could be the opening to a much longer tale of what Benjamin learns, and then if he returns to slay his wife or not.

~ Calluna

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