Reflections, Insights and Emracing Life
As I sit here once again in my parents house it really gives me the time to reflect on the direction that I have taken in my life. Coming back here and visiting towns where I went to school, places where I hung out as a teenager, even seeing people that I went to school with. Seeing them in passing, not getting the opportunity to talk to them, not sure if they even recognized me. These are people who have chosen to settle down and live in the same place that they grew up in.
Some people never feel the urge to leave the place or area that they grew up in. They seem content to stay in the same place and live their lives out there. Part of me feels that it is unnatural to not want to travel, to see different places, to experience many different things. But then the desire to travel and move has always been really strong in me. From a young age I fantasized about all the places that I wanted to go. I found pictures of the countries I wanted to visit and I hung them up in my bedroom. My bedroom wall becoming a vision board, before I even knew what that meant. Manifesting my future without ever hearing the term manifestation.
Some people do not need to travel because everything they desire and need is right there for them! I remember reading that somewhere and maybe it is true, at the end of the day we all have our journeys, our discoveries to make. But I have learnt so much about humankind by travelling, learning so much about how similar we all are, how we all need the same things. But also how all our lives, really are so unique and how wonderfully diverse our lifestyles are. There is so much happening globally and we all know that the media is very selective about what information they share with us. It is our responsibility to find out what is happening, to be informed and to stay informed.Nobody will do that for us.
But the amount of times I have had people try and tell me something that they believe to be true, yet I know from firsthand experience that it is not, but they are adamant because they have heard about it on the T.V. There place to go to be informed. I no longer even try and have a conversation with them, because I have realized that they are not willing to have their reality questioned, that the thought of it makes them very defensive and very afraid. It is difficult coming back here and not rocking the boat. It is something that is very easy to do, because the amount of trust that some people have, in the very limited information that they are drip fed is startling.
Even how I live my life can be too much for some. I have found that all to often they wish to tell me about their lives but never ask about mine and if I try to talk about my lifestyle, they just nod and change the subject. But that is okay, because it is important to meet people in life where they are at. I am not here to tell other people what to do, that is really the main problem in the first place, because so many get used to being told what to do. That they have effectively forgot how to think for themselves. To listen to themselves, to see things thru their own eyes. It is really been difficult for me to meet anyone on this visit that actually is seeing things in focus, with their own eyesight and not relying on someone else's projections, to help them form an opinion or help them make a decision.
From a shy teenager, with dreams of travelling the world, with dreams of escaping a youth that left me feeling different and out of place, to now a mother of 3 living in a truck in the South of Spain, out of the system, thinking for myself, educating myself.
Trusting and listening to my inner wisdom and feeling my connection to this amazing planet that we call home. Knowing that the way I live my life is exactly how I am meant to be living it. Trusting in what comes my way, surrendering to the flow. Even when times are difficult and my energy is low, my emotions so raw, I know that what follows on will be joyous, that I will experience and feel everything that comes my way. My life is not numb, it is full to bursting with experiences and lessons, with hardships and moments of pure joy.
Embracing change, welcoming it, knowing that I have so much more to learn and revelling in it.
I have had moments on this visit of such overwhelming sadness, having to witness suffering and pain and not being able to do anything about it. To just be there, to be present, that is all I could do, no words I could say would change anything. Yet fighting the urge to use words to try and make sense of something, to justify it, but that time, those moments were not meant for words they we just meant for being. But it is interesting how we try to use our logic, our desire to know always creeping in, trying to make things sound better than they really are. Maybe it is the awkwardness or the fear or the sadness, trying to grasp at anything that may bring comfort. But the comfort comes from just being present. That by just being there is enough.
I am learning all the time, discovering and becoming more than who I was. In writing this, I allow all of that to sink in, to allow myself the time to reflect, to look back on where I have come from to who I am now.I could write so much more, but as a mother of 3 I do not have the time to write all that comes to me, but that is okay, because that is how it must be.
1st Image Source:https://getbg.net/image/305160/
8 Pillars of TribeSteemUp
Hear, hear @truck-life you gorgeously adventurous, courageous, heart centred, creative and beautiful woman you!! I know that feeling - Igrew up in a small town and when Jarrah was 4 and I was single I had to leave - for the first time leaving the country on my own I was scared, and was at the airport going - passport, check, bag, check, CHILD, check! with a lot ofnegative voices in my head from childhood friends saying 'it's so irresponsible, what if something happens?' etc etc and all the unspoken criticisms. My family, funnily enough, were the only ones that did support me (and two very close girlfriends who I'm still mates with to this day) and when I came home a year later, no one really asked about my travels as they were concerned with their petty lives and same old same old. So I left again, ended up meeting Jamie and living overseas, travelling alot. When I moved home (for my parents, and Jarrah's high schooling as he got a scholarship in an independent school which was so good for him) Imoved half an hour away from my old town and i've rarely seen those people since and usually will cross the road to avoid running into them if they havent' seen me - I am just not interested in small lives that haven't taken the leap into this big beautiful world of ours. It wasn't so much about physically travelling, but it does help as it expands your universe and connects you to something deeper than yourself. I try to let those days go - i felt really betrayed by people I thought were friends, and quite hurt by it. If I had the chance to advise my younger self, I'd take the words of my old German grandmother who said 'it's not WHENyou come back, it's IF you come back' - and you won't ever come back, not really, so let it go, let it go, let it go. she bought me a camera and a backpack and literally shoved me out the door. She'd migrated from Germany post ww2, had an alocholic husband she left, and could not bear seeing me alone and unhappy and unfulfilled. Bless.
Much love xx
thank you lovely, you have had quiet the journey yourself and just look at who you are today, that is what is important to be aware and to be true to yourself, your grandmother seems like an awesome women, what she done for you was really great and perfect. Much love right back to you xxx
Wow your story is also wonderful! Thank you dear for sharing!!!
Life can be full of adventures if we choose freedom from our past. We can break the cycles and find our own way. You are so brave breaking away from 'The norm' and your childrens lives will be so much more enriched as a result. Xx
thank you beautiful for your lovely words and constant support, it means a lot to me xxx
Yes I resonate with a lot of this. I like you was from a small pond and many people stayed. I prefer not to see them anymore for the reasons you stated about people you used to know; how they haven’t changed all that much, still seeing things out of focus through others’ perspectives, not open to hearing about your life. You never know how you are actually touching them though! I find it difficult to be back in the space I grew up in, kudos to you for re-visiting that! ❤️
thank you @mountainjewel, it has brought up a lot but I am very grateful for the life i live and the paths I have chosen xx
I so understand what you are saying. I grew up in a city, but always knew I wasn't going to stay there. Being in Ireland for almost 7 years now seems like eternity. It was not what I had planned, but then again, my plans always change direction...I had/have the same with other people. They don't seem to be interested. In my case, it was even my family who were even less interested than others. I realized it's because they just don't understand why I would have to leave as they were perfectly fine with their lives and felt one needs to 'settle down'. I heard this all the time from my mom, who thought it wasn't good to move around with children. They 'needed' stability. Now I also think that for some it's maybe a bit of jealousy too. Some people would love to be travelers and explorers but just never have the guts to do it, or too many ties that hold them. Some believe they can't go anywhere because of homes and mortgages etc. My best friend in Holland is convinced they can't go anywhere now that the housing market is unstable and they won't be able to sell their home. That just wouldn't stop me...you could always rent out the house. But for them, it's like a trap they fell into. It hurts me every time when I hear her talk, knowing that she deserves so much more. In the back of my mind I have this thought of getting a good crypto stroke of luck and with that being able to pay off her mortgage...
I hear, but people make their choices and their decisions keep them where they are, would she move or travel if she had no debt, who knows. I have had conversations like that, some people i.e friends telling e how brave and lucky I am and how they could never do that, but you know what if they really really wanted to they would, just like we did. There are always choices, renting out your home for one. That is really good of you to think of paying off her mortgage if you could, but I guess make sure that is what she really wants, Thanks @misslasvegas xx
"I have found that all to often they wish to tell me about their lives but never ask about mine and if I try to talk about my lifestyle, they just nod and change the subject. But that is okay, because it is important to meet people in life where they are at. I am not here to tell other people what to do, that is really the main problem in the first place, because so many get used to being told what to do."
Know that very well too .. We are perceived as aliens, lol & as you say acceptance, it is what it is!
Beautiful prose!
thank you @wallpaperflower for dropping by, will try and catch up with you properly on discord soon xx
It is a true honor to witness your journey darling. You are really the wisest person I have got the chance to know on a deeper level, even if we only connect through Steemit, I can see you. For me, you are so raw, strong and powerful. The pure feminine side is in every word you share. And when you write about your life, it really shows your character and strength. The reason people dont leave and discover the world is often because they are afraid of what they would discover about them self. It is so comfortable to trust the news and TV and just continue living a comfort (not very fulfilling) life. I am like you in so many ways, thank you for being here! (I am actually feeling tears in my eyes while writing this) Sending you all my love!
xx
thank you beautiful for such a huge compliment that really means so much to me. You have brought tears to my eyes reading your reply, it is such a blessing to connect with you on here and I am very grateful for all that you do and share, I am so happy to be sharing my journey with you xx So much love and respect to you xx
Same to you my friend. Much much love, I am so grateful for you in my life!
xxx