When will I grow up?
I had a course starting with a new client and everything went well as it normally does. After however, I go an email from the HR manager thanking me and commenting that she thinks that, "they won't be afraid of me anymore."
Were they afraid before the class?
Something I forget is that, I am getting old and my clients seem to be getting younger. When I started training I was 23, that is coming up to half a lifetime ago. There are a few more wrinkles, aches and pains and now, a little bit of grey in my beard.... and, I have a beard. I look a lot like my father did when he was around my age. But, I don't feel so old.
Part of the reason my clients were scared is something I face often in Finland, they had to speak English and even though they were all decent speakers and professionals, they know it it puts them at a disadvantage. Although, it is that disadvantaged position I am am helping them to overcome in various ways as Finns operating in a global environment face several challenges.
One thing that came up today (being the first class) was my background. After a few minutes in, I was asked where I was from. I am Australian but in classes at least, my accent is not very pronounced. Before answering, I put them into an uncomfortable position, I asked them where they thought I was from. From experience, I knew this would be difficult for them to approach and, I knew none would want to attempt an answer due to adherence to political correctness.
I left the question open just a little bit longer with some silence before asking another, Have they ever made a judgement on someone and later found out they were wrong? Of course, they have and we spoke a little bit about how most of our judgments in life go without confirmation to their correctness which means, we feel we are better judges than we have evidence of as when we judge in the moment, we think we judge well.
We see people walk down the street and make a call on what they wear, how they walk, their hair or who they are with and they walk past and, we think we are correct in our assessments without ever knowing the truth.
So after this, I went back to my background and told them I was Australian and about my father being Indian background. One said, that explains it, normally Australians are blonde surfer types.... How many Australians had they met? This is a judgement that I have come across many times before but, find it interesting. Even after they know I am Australian, the stereotypes they have learned from the media overpower their reality.
I find it interesting as this little discussion should essentially make them think that every time they see someone that looks like me, they should consider they could be an Australian, but it won't. We run our programmed judgement heuristics and dismiss outlier events that don't gel with our assumptions, which is essentially anything that challenges us, confirms we are wrong.
This happens in many ways of course and not just with our evaluations on people.
It is the same when I look in the mirror. The confirmation is there, the grey, the lines, the age but, I don't feel that old. We seem to over-weigh our feelings and under value the environmental feedback. I don't feel old, so I am not in my head although, the way people interact with me shows that they clearly think I am old enough.
Damn it. I don't wanna grow up. Luckily, I can trust my feelings.....
Taraz
[ a Steemit original ]
I know this is a bit cliche, but you're only as old as you feel. This reminds me of an incident I had at my younger brother's school (he is 17 years younger than me). They had a track and field competition and I had gone to give him support. I was getting something from the car in the school car park when I hear two kids talking. I do not remember what they were talking about, but I remember hearing one of them say "lets go ask that old guy". When I looked up at them, they were looking straight at me. I looked around the entire car park, and only after I failed to see another soul, I realized that I was the "old guy". I helped them out, but I will never forget the day a couple of ten year olds called a then 27 year old me an old guy.
Age is relative. I am sure there is someone somewhere in the world who would look at you and see a child. :-)
all of life and suffering is relative to experience. i wish i was 27 again. knowing what I do now of course.
You are 27, that is if you feel 27. Your body may grow older, but the thing that is you cannot age. Some call it spirit. Some call it consciousness. Whatever you may wish to call it, it cannot age.
Your body is not who you are, but rather something you have that allows you to experience this reality.
It is interesting because I have known many people who are judges of which they judge in a terrifying way and despise people and I think that this is wrong since one must judge oneself before judging others, it is important to see and analyze oneself because many Sometimes we do not see our shortcomings and they are worse than the people we usually criticize, one is not old for having so many years or for having gray hair, if youth lives in you and you feel good because I have seen many young people who are old and do not know what is lost, great post everything is the reality
I think it is generally this way when it comes to criticism based on generalizations.
that's why we should be judges of our lives, not of others, so we would live more calmly, I saw a movie that dealt with the judges of life and reminded me of the words you said in your post
"Australians are blonde surfer types" - It's funny how some things becomes stereotypical of a place even though it might not be an accurate reflection. Usually Hollywood goes outdoorsy 'Steve Irwin' stereotype for Australians and surfers for Californians :D
I also think when you say that you put them in an uncomfortable position at the beginning of the glass, you mean to bring them out of their comfort zone. If my assumption is correct then I know from experience that it is a very effective strategy for getting all the neurons fired up in a students brain before the actual lesson begins.
Yes, it forces them into paying attention and choosing their steps. Puts them on edge as they don't know how to react without a social rule for it.
I was a STEM trainer for a while. This strategy works with adults almost every single time. With kids not so much, at least during the beginning of a session. They just get agitated and distracted. Although on college 'kids' it works like a charm.
You are only as old as you feel. I forget how old I am sometimes but the grey stubble gives it away. I often shave it off as I am not that old yet. have you found the sense of humor different with the Finnish people? Just a thing I picked up the other day. Maybe it is the language and not being their mother tongue it gets lost in translation. I have learnt not to pull their legs as such because either they don't understand or don't know me well enough yet. I am not judging them in any way but it was something I picked up. Maybe they are more serious than other nations. I don't know. You would be the best person to ask as you would've noticed with your sarcastic humor.
What is sarcasm??? They are generally very literal people and although they can be really funny, the humor is an acquired taste. Also, even thoguh they are quite proficient with languages, the way they teach is more grammar based than spoken so idiomatic expressions and allusion often get lost in translation.
There is a tendency to be literal when it comes to timetables, agreements and other things like that. I suppose it's not very different in Australia. You deal with Finns nearly exclusively in English. You may get the impression that they don't get your humour. But you may not be getting theirs because while they are held back by their imperfect knowledge of English you are held back by your lack of knowledge of Finnish.
Also, people can seem to not get your joke because it's not a particularly good one. ;)
My impression is that differences between large human populations such as nationalities are dwarfed by the vast variation between individuals within those populations. In my dealings with foreigners I've noticed that knowing which country a person I will meet is from is next to useless in trying to figure out what kind of person he or she is. I get vastly more information by talking with that person for a couple of minutes. If you watch Finnish television sketch shows, for example, you get everything from the lowbrow to the intellectual, from satire to parody, you name it.
I'm interested in accurate information and understanding things. I find stereotypes worse than worthless because they bore me to tears at least if people take them seriously to any degree. It's another thing to joke about them. But I also find the anti-stereotype and anti-generalization crusade nearly equally boring. In reality, differences between individuals in a large group of people, let alone their interactions, are a very complex, very multi-dimensional space. Most people severely underestimate the difficulty of making accurate observations of such things. There must be behavioral tendencies within populations because otherwise there couldn't be such a thing as culture but it's wise to be prepared to lose your preconceptions fast if you want to be successful in your interactions with people.
Hi Markku. I agree with what you are saying. My cousins are Danish and the reason why I bought it up is that there was a difference and it was down to the language. not necessarily the culture or anything else. I get on well with everyone but it helps to understand the people. A lot of people don't take this time and make presumptions. I find this fascinating and very helpful. I enjoy the conversations we have and find you very intelligent. There are not many people out there who have your insights but your language skills are exceptional for a second language.
My wife and sister are both language teachers. Both have English as one of the languages they teach. I'm the guy they ask if they don't know or are unsure about something. If I don't know the answer, I'll go and do research. I don't mind it at all. Thanks to blockchain technology my efforts are finally paying off financially.
No. I am not shocked. You are super intelligent and it shows in how you think. Have you thought about learning another language?
Finland is officially bilingual (Finnish & Swedish). We all have the other national language as a mandatory subject in school. I also had German as one of the compulsory elective subjects in middle school and continued studying it in upper secondary school. My English is perhaps 60% of my native Finnish. My Swedish and German are about 30% and 15%, respectively. I know about 500-1000 words of Russian and basic Russian grammar.
Impressive.
Yes, this is why i think they can be funny. There is a lot in the language i don't get in finnish but in English, hard. Fingerpori is a good example, i only understand 30% of them,.. i think :D
There has to be some heuristics in play otherwise life is too complicated and time consuming. also for safety concerns. Err on the side of caution in safety issues.
Ok. That makes sense. Thanks as I don't want to offend anyone or they take it the wrong way.
This reminds me of a physics professor in university. He was Indian, and when I saw him on the first day of the course, I thought I would have difficult time with already difficult course material, due to the incomprehendable accent. To my shock, the professor introduced himself with perfect Oxford accent, and even wrote pronunciation of his name next to his written name on the chalk board. He was as British as Her Majesty the Queen.
I agree with that idea. Language is central to identity.
my father isn't a native English speaker but you would be hard pressed to find a slip or pick a specific accent out of it.
One of the things that I value most in my career (Psychology) is that I learned not to have prejudices and not to judge people.
I did not usually do that, but I understood the importance of never judging people, and above all things stop being a constant critic of myself
people often confuse criticism with self-reflection
Exactly
The body ages, but the mind doesn't ;)
Stereotypes and generalizations can be accurate, but not always. General behavioral and visual characteristics are formulated about people in a region because there is a general applicability for those traits. Not that it's 100%. Not everything fits into generalizations, so although it might be easier and quicker to generalize and sometimes it's accurate, we always have to be mindful that it can be wrong because it can be a "hasty generalization" as the fallacy is called ;)
I think it depends a lot on immediate situation, if there is a feeling of danger possible, judge harshly and move away early. If there is no such immediate threat, get to know people and be surprised how similar we are. We normally judge on meaningless trivialities that indicate close to zero.
I work for Aussies for over 6 years now and have always marveled at the diversity of ethnic background.
One of my boss is as you say the surfer type, big, muscular, blonde hair and blue eyes,
Another one is of Greek descent and the other of Malta.
MOst other nationalities when they hear Aussie they thing of Chris Hemsworth or Hugh Jackman.
I have always loved the humor of Aussies and they always exuded a youth vibrant energy even if they are near their 50s.
One of them still plays volleyball and just slams the competition.
It is how young your brain says.
I am a bout 30 but often mistaken for 25. Although I credit that to my Asian heritage and Rick and Morty cartoons hahaha.
lol. I think my Monty Python references reveal too much ;)
Nobody likes to be judged, and for this reason I like to challenge myself to assume that whatever I think about anybody is wrong, and instead get to know the person who is right in front of me. My past has a little to do with that.
I have dreadlocks, and because of this a number of people have thought that I was Jamaican, which is wrong. I cannot tell you how many times people have either tried to sell me weed, or offered me a joint, but I do not touch the stuff.
I have dreadlocks because of what they represent. When my dad was in college, the government of Botswana (my home country) had given him a full scholarship to study abroad. During this time, the decided to grow dreadlocks because he liked the look. The government did not like the look and threatened to cancel his scholarship if he did not cut his hair. He didn't comply, and they made his life difficult. He fought it until he won. My dad has had his dreadlocks for over thrity-five years now.
For me, my dreadlocks are a reminder to fight for what is right, and to never allow anybody to dictate what I must do with myself and my life. People don't see that. They see a Rastafarian, or a Jamaican, or someone who likes to smoke weed. They judge before they understand, and so I learnt to understand without judging, because everybody has something they can teach you, and my sticking a label on them, you risk missing the lesson you could learn.
At least on the blockchain.. :P
It is interesting what people associate with certain appearance aspects and how detailed and deep the assumptions can go considering for the most part, they have no feedback for any of it.
Another such stereotype is that it is always terribly cold in Finland. A heatwave must make a holder of that stereotype really uncomfortable while in Finland before the heat will give that person a pause.
The weather has been pretty fantastic the last few days... I am Finnish enough to complain about it being too hot. ;)