Halloween Tricks to Maximize Your Treats – For Adults Only!

supergoodliving (63)in #humor • 8 years ago

Candy might not be your thing anymore, so let’s look at Halloween tricks and treats for adults!

If you’ve been having some lackluster Halloween nights in your adult life, you’re probably doing things all wrong. Do you find yourself sitting at home in your crayon costume at 8:00 at night? Are you watching Friday the 13th with all of the lights on, alone in your living room every Halloween? Do you always fail to place in the costume contest at the local bar? Let’s change your luck!

Try these Halloween tips for adults to help bring back that Halloween excitement!

1 – Go slutty with your costume (For women)

Let’s face it. The only reason you want to dress up for Halloween as an adult is to turn heads and be noticed by those other attractive adults. If you’re a lady looking to score some Halloween night fun, then you need to go dirty or go home! Guys are superficial and can’t help it. If you want to get their attention, you’ll need to wear a costume that gets them to stand at attention. Do you smell what I’m stepping in?

You need to suck it up and put on that sexy soccer player costume. But any costume works, as long as it shows off your best assets. And so there’s no confusion, your best assets are your breasts, legs, and butt. If you want guys to buy you drinks and to take you home, then do the work. And that means letting your beautiful body do the work! Don’t worry about trying to be sweet or funny. You just enjoy the benefits of being a woman on Halloween night! The men will come flocking, you’ll drink for free, and you’ll have your choice of guy that you want smashing your pumpkin all night long!

2 – Go classy with your costume (For men)

Do the exact opposite as the ladies if you’re a man. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. Women love fresh-cut and clean-shaven men in suits. Mostly. Take advantage of this on Halloween! This is your chance to be somebody that you’re not. It’ll give you an excuse to dress up without your buddies giving you a hard time. Try being a dapper vampire or that guy from that stupid movie, Fifty Shades of Grey. The ladies will have no willpower to resist you. They eat that garbage up! Or wear any costume that’s a uniform. Women inexplicably love uniforms for some reason.

Don’t be a wuss and go for the gag costume. Women don’t want a joker. They want a stud! They’re really just like guys. They’re all about the looks on Halloween night at the bar. Or any night for that matter. If you’re looking good, they’ll let you buy them drinks all night long. Then you can take that Halloween hussy home with you. But if you’re not an attractive man and your best hunk impression makes you look more like a hunk of bleu cheese instead, then maybe just stick with dressing funny or crazy. At least you’ll have some fun. And maybe you can keep some of your dignity.

3 – Go to your friend’s house party

The bar can be a little crowded on holidays. Halloween is definitely not an exception. If you have a friend that is known to throw a good party or two, convince them to host one on Halloween. This can be one of the best parties of the year! Adult dress-up night is always made better by a homey atmosphere and lots of cheap booze!

Invite that hot co-worker that you had been eyeing all summer long. Give them some ideas about costumes (see tips 1 & 2). Play a few games of ghoulish beer pong or spooky Bullshit. Bob into her apple schnapps, guys. Or have him pin your tail with his donkey, ladies. Are those even sayings? Who cares?? It’s a Halloween party! Make the most of it! It only comes around once a year. When the night is over, it’s back to being your old boring self. Put those knee-highs, tiaras, and fake mustaches to use while you can!

If you want to win over the best picks in the group, wear a full face mask all night and don’t speak a word. Let the mysteriousness do all of the talking. Don’t worry. You’ll get the right fright-night freak to bond you up until morning. They might not be the most attractive, but they’ll definitely be the most experienced and wild! I guarantee you that! Don’t forget to let your friends know you’re leaving and to track the GPS on your phone. Because you never know!

4 – Alcohol is for the birds

This is Halloween! It’s time to get into a new character! The other 364 days of the year, you have to be you. And you can be really lame. Spice things up a bit on Halloween night by stepping outside of your comfy little booze box. This is a night for mystery and fear. What better way to enjoy that than by consuming mysterious substances and being paranoid?

Call your friend that has the right connections. Tell them to get you something fun for the night. You might even want to show up to the dealer’s house yourself. You’ll be in costume, so it’s not like anyone will be able to identify you anyway. Take whatever they have available. Now is not the time to be picky. It’s not even you that will be taking these substances. It’s your Halloween character doing them so there won’t be any consequences! How cool is that??

Once you’re feeling the juice, go crazy! Go streaking through Rockefeller Center or put on your ghost costume and take a bike ride through Compton. Are you living in a small town? Maybe you can TP the local Baptist church. They always love a good prank! If the police show up, just put your hands in your pockets and run like the wind! Toward them, away from them, it doesn’t matter. I’m sure they’ll understand. It’s Halloween!

Will you survive the night?

Not knowing is most of the fun! If you do survive you’ll have a great story to tell the next day. Or whenever you’re eventually found, released from the hospital, or post bail. If you don’t survive, then you at least contributed to evolution and the survival of the species. So either way you’re contributing to society! It’s a win-win for everyone!

Good luck out there! Happy Halloween!

SGL

Source for images 2 and 3: Yandy.com - Lingerie, Costumes & More!

All other images attribution-free from Pixabay.com