My weight loss gave unexpected results

I always suffered from excess weight, especially at school, where everyone was teasing me and calling me names. Classmates called me fat, terrible, I cried a lot, refused to eat, than brought my mother into a nervous state.

But I wanted to lose weight to graduation, which I could hardly do, not quite perfect, but I dropped almost 10 kilograms. But my weight did not last long until I was preparing for the entrance exams, nervous, ate at night and gained weight again. I decided that I would take care of myself after the admission and in the first year I met my future husband, who said that he just likes this "appetizing" figure.

Two years later we got married, I began to prepare delicious dishes for my husband and, as they say "went pesky" - ate a lot and often even at night. I realized that I had to stop when all the clothes were already small, and my husband said that I had become fat. I noticed that his attitude to me has changed, he began to sit up late at the computer, often on weekends he went with friends to the bar. Then I decided that I would lose weight and go on a diet.

For a year I again dropped 10 kilograms and could not stop. Food began to cause me not to feel hungry, but on the contrary - disgust. I exhausted myself with training, I ate little and began to weigh 50 kg. With a height of 174 cm. Mom sounded the alarm, said that I was at risk of anorexia, if I did not stop, but I liked every time to see that the arrow on the scales shows less and less, although I myself began to fear that I could not stop. My husband was still unhappy with my appearance, but now he did not like my bulging bones. But I began to lose weight for him! How I envy people who do not pay attention to their figure and can afford to eat whatever they want. I even have a friend whose weight has exceeded 100 kg, but her relationship with her husband is normal, there are two children (although my husband is also not skinny). I began to add a few portions to myself, but I calculate every calorie, it turned into some kind of obsession. I do not know how to achieve the "golden mean" in weight. Maybe someone lost weight correctly, share.