Interview With A Psychopath - Random TSA Order-follower (SATIRE)

Today we're joined by a TSA worker who loves to brag about his evil behavior.

Grinning Presstitute:  Hello again, all you wily tax slaves out there! Welcome to another edition of “Interview With A Psychopath”! Today we’re taking a break from the norm.  

We usually bring you psychopaths from the upper echelons of the Satanic power matrix, but today we’ll be getting the inside scoop from a fellow tax slave.  A tax slave that is so brainwashed, cowardly, and gullible, that they actually do the dirty work for the parasite ruling class.  

Today I’m pleased to bring you a candid chat with a TSA goon, Richard E. Feely.  (turns to face Richard) Welcome, Richard.

Richard:  You can call me Feely.  My friends call me Feely.

Grinning Presstitute:  Very well, Feely.  Just to be clear, though.  We’re not friends.    
Feely:  But I thought we bonded last night.

Presstitute (embarrassed face):  Nope, don’t know what you’re talking about.  I’m above you.
Feely (head down):  Ok.

Presstitute:  So Feely, can you tell me what your favorite part of working for the TSA is?
Feely:  It’s hard to say.  There are so many perks, ya know.  Like I get lots of free stuff.

Presstitute:  Unlimited bottled water, I imagine.    

Feely:  Yeah, but it’s more than that. It’s not just liquids.  Sometimes I just take stuff.  One time I told this lady that she couldn’t bring her laptop on the plane.

Presstitute:  And she believed you?
Feely:  Yep! Nobody questions someone in a uniform, ya know!

Presstitute:  Thank Satan for that!  So she just gave you her laptop?
Feely:  Yeah, pretty much.    

Presstitute:  Wow, the power of mind control at work.  Nobody questions a cheap looking, sloppy costume.  Let me ask you this.  Does being a TSA goon make you feel powerful?

Feely:  Oh yeah, that’s one of the best parts of the job.    

Presstitute:  Yes, the illusion of power can be quite satisfying to a couple of psychopaths like us.    Can you give us specific evil actions that give you this false sense of power?

Feely:  Well, I make dozens of people cry everyday.    
Presstitute:  Not many people can brag about that!

Feely:  I can make people miss flights, and there’s like hundreds, maybe even thousands of dollars on the line, so people are really nervous about missing flights. 

Presstitute:  And you exploit that psychological weakness in order to feed your super-ego megalomania?
Feely:  What?

Presstitute:  Sorry, big words.    
Feely:  Anyway, sometimes my boss lets me have back room duty.

Presstitute:  Back room duty?
Feely:  Yeah, ya know, that’s the secondary inspection area.    

Presstitute:  You mean if someone is acting suspicious and they need a more thorough inspection?
Feely:  Sometimes, but usually we just randomly choose attractive people.

Presstitute:  You like touching people against their will?
Feely:  Yeah, if they’re hot.    

Presstitute:  So what did you do before joining the Transportation Scum Army?
Feely:  I flunked out of the police academy.

Presstitute:  Wow, that speaks volumes. Can you tell me about the scariest confrontation you’ve ever had with a fellow tax slave? I know that the TSA has never caught a quote-unquote terrorist, but there must’ve been some moment at least remotely dangerous for you?

Feely:  Yeah, one time this guy tried to film me.
Presstitute:  The nerve!

Feely:  He started talking about rights.  Then I was like, I don’t wanna hear about no rights and stuff.  Just shut the damn thing off.

Presstitute:  Did he obey?
Feely:  No!

Presstitute:  Someone standing up for rights.  Satan knows our dark army can’t handle that.  So what did you do next to trample on this tax slave’s attempt at freedom?

Feely:  I grabbed his smartphone and smashed it on the ground, that’s what!

Presstitute (cackling):  Destruction of rights and private property.  Hoo-raw!

Presstitute high-fives Feely

Presstitute:  And you didn’t face any negative repercussions?
Feely:  I don’t know what that means.    

Presstitute:  Did you finish high school?
Feely:  Of course.

Presstitute:  A chilling testament to the dumbing down agenda.  On that same note, do you watch a lot of TV?
Feely:  I dunno what you call a lot.  Just a few hours every night.    

Presstitute:  What’s your favorite show?
Feely:  The Super Bright Loud Happy Fun Distraction Show! I wanna be a contestant on there one day.

Presstitute:  Hey, I’ve got some connections.  We might be able to make that happen.
Feely:  Really?    

Presstitute:  Sure, if you can help me get through the airport faster.
Feely:  Yeah, I can do that.  Shouldn’t we be talking about this off camera?

Presstitute:  Nah! What are they gonna do?   

Feely and Presstitute cackle together and high five. 

Presstitute:  One last thing and then we'll let ya go.  Hypothetically speaking

Feely:  What?

Presstitute (sighs deeply):  If a group of people refused to follow orders at an airport, say maybe twenty people, how would the TSA handle it?

Feely (giggling):  What? Man, we'd be so screwed.  We wouldn't know what to do.  I'd probably just run out back and smoke until it was over.  

Presstitute (faces camera):  There ya have it, folks.  Thanks for tuning in and listening to what a huge Satanic rights-stealing fraud the illusory security state is from one of its low level minions.  That's all for tonight! Stay tuned for more distractions! Goodnight!

Thanks for your time and attention!

Just say "NO" to slavery!

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