This week we have a tell-all session with Barack O'Bomber, who enlightens us with flowery BS one more time as he leaves office.

Reporter:  Barack Hussein Obama, I can’t thank you enough for taking time out of your hectic schedule to enlighten us with your infinite wisdom.

Obama:  Well, um, I didn’t have much else to do, and, well, (pause) I didn’t have much to do in my final week in office anyway, so I, um, decided to allow you to worship me and lick my boots for a while.

Reporter:  Do you ever get tired of corporate lapdogs like me licking your boots?

Obama:  Never gets old.

Reporter:  I didn’t think so, but I had to ask.  Now, I’d like to start by asking about how you accomplished so much throughout your eight years in office.  How did you accomplish so many momentous changes to the USSA?

Obama:  Well, I can tell you this.  Having armies of lawyers and technocrats, and lots of Goldman Sachs advisers made all the difference in the world.  The occasional crack pipe doesn’t hurt, either.

Reporter (smiling and winking):  I do enjoy a good crack pipe every now and then.

Obama:  Who doesn’t?

Reporter:  Moving on, some of your critics contend that you are a communist.  What do you say to that?

Obama:  I say that I am not a communist and that such allegations are ridiculous, unfounded, and utterly laughable.  Also, anyone who says something like that is a right wing extremist.

Reporter (fawning):  Well played, sir.  That left-right paradigm, divide and conquer tactic never fails.

Obama:  That said, communism does have some commendable attributes and I would love to see global communism come to it’s full fruition in my lifetime.

Reporter (confused):  But, you just said that you weren’t a communist.

Obama:  I’m not.  Do you think that I don’t know what I said?

Reporter (takes deep breath): Not at all, sir.  I would never dream of it.  I’d now like to focus on what some consider to be your greatest triumph in office, the Affordable Care Act, better known as Obamacare.  Could you grace us with a few words about this wonderful victory for the Medical Mafia, big government, and the surveillance panopticon?

Obama:  That was a long question.  I’ll try and answer at least half of it, and then just make up some rosy sounding bullshit if I hit any mental snags.  Well, I thought it was a situation where everybody wins.  The insurance companies, the big data corporations, pharmaceutical giants, not to mention myself.  I was paid quite handsomely for selling my soul.

Reporter (nodding):  Demons do pay well in this life.  I’m just a little worried about what comes next, ya know? 

Obama (angry):  I wasn’t finished! (pauses and stares down reporter) Now, where was I? Damnit!Where was I? This is so hard without a teleprompter! Shit! Anyway, it was a great victory for all those I just mentioned.

Reporter:  And it was also a great victory for the American people, right?

Obama (chuckling):  No, not at all.  Was that meant to be a joke?

Repoter:  Yeah, did you like it?

Obama (slaps his knee):  Not bad!   

Reporter:  Did you think of that awesome name, Affordable Care Act?

Obama:  I did, all mine. What many people don’t know is that I majored in psyche warfare and minored in bureaucratese.    

Reporter:  Is there anything you can’t do?

Obama:  Tell the truth.

Reporter:  Right, I forgot.

Obama (shrugging shoulders):  Come on, man! I’m a politician.

Reporter:  I’d now like to worship you for a moment and pay respect to the Nobel Peace Prize you received.  Could you enlighten us with your thoughts?

Obama:  All I can say is that I love living in a world where someone like me authorizes the wanton bombing of countless nations and receives a peace prize for it.  God bless our Satanic society!

Reporter:  It truly is remarkable.  Is there anyone in particular who has played a special role in the construction of this marvelous hell on earth who you would like to pay tribute to?

Obama:  There have been so many, but, without a doubt, I must say that the billions of mindless order followers throughout the history of the world have to be at the top of the list.  Without them, what would guys like us do?  
Reporter:  We would certainly be dead parasites, so yes, thank Lucifer for mindless order followers.

Obama:  I’ll drink to that!

Reporter:  I don’t have any booze, but I do have a crack pipe and a fresh rock.

Obama (hesitant):  Oh, normally I don’t indulge before I play golf, but, what the hell, it’s a special occasion.    

Reporter (uncertain):  What occasion is that?

Obama:  Tuesday. 

Reporter (takes hit off crack pipe, slowly exhales, and passes to Obama):  Speaking of crack, could you tell us about the bankster bailouts you lashed the American slaves with?

Obama (takes hit and coughs):  Wow, good shit.  Maybe I won’t golf today.  What was the question?

Reporter:  About the bailouts.

Obama:  Oh, right.  Well, my banker bosses wanted me to inject mountains of cash into their satanic empire at the expense of the slaves, so I bowed down and did my duty.  It was a proud moment for the banking oligarchy of the world.  I’m just happy to be their puppet.

Reporter:  We have awesome jobs, don’t we? One final question, if I may.  Were there any disappointments you suffered in your illustrious eight years of centralization of power? Any regrets? Things you wish had gone differently?

Obama (takes deep breath):  Ya know, I feel that I accomplished a lot for the New World Order, but there is one thing that does nag at me.  I really thought that we could disarm the slaves quickly and efficiently.    

Reporter:  I know I’ll sleep better at night when that happens.

Obama (grimacing):  Me, too.    

Reporter:  Do you think Donald Trump will be successful in disarming the slaves?

Obama (laughs):  Absolutely! That guy is more psychotic than I am! Wait until you see what he’s got in store for all those gullible sheep that voted for him.  It’ll be fun to watch!

Reporter:  I’ll bring the popcorn!

Obama:  Popcorn? Fuck that, bring the crack pipe!
 

If you find value in my writing, please