Visiting My Tatay With A Heavy Heart 💔💦

shirleynpenalosa (63)in #life • 4 years ago

Today is a very gloomy day. Its not just the weather, its also me. I feel so heavy in my heart. I had the worst day ever yesterday. I have never felt super failure yesterday...failure as a wife and failure as a mother. That's it and I am so done.

I have lost my self control, my temper and my patience. I have hurt my eldest. She's hurting too I knew it and I sensed her wounded spirit. Even before things got out of hand. I humbled myself and I went to talk to her to settle things and straighten out. I did my best to let her talk and just tell me everything she wanted to say but she didn't cooperate. I am beginning to lose my patience again so I just ended the confrontation thanking her for sparing some of her precious time with me and for the lil inputs she was able to give.

Today we started our day as usual as if nothing happened yesterday. I ask if she would love to come with me to the cemetery to visit my tatay. She declined my invitation politely.

I went with my cousin and we saw several people visiting their departed loved ones. I decided to have my father's lapida repainted. Afterall its been 3 long years since I visited his tomb with a more readable one.

Today's a real treat for him minus my daughters and my nanay. We can't go all together because the space will not be enough. My cousin's car is not that spacious. Not as spacious as my friend's car.

I decided to make this post while waiting for those black ink to dry. Sabi kasi nong mama lilihain nila pag natuyo na. So I don't want to be idle. I miss our dgroup today though. Ayoko din naman kasi palampasin ang pagkakataon kasi ngayon lang din available ang pinsan ko.

What's taking them so long? I feel hungry and I have to light the candles. I can not do just that with this messy view huh.

Ayan ang gentleman naman ni kuya hinatidan niya ako ng silya hahaha. E ok lang naman ako dito na nakaupo sa maliit na bato sakto lang naman sa akin. I accepted the chair and thanked him. Then I went to say a little prayer after lighting the candles.

The stone is undone. We went home with my tatay's lapida undone. The guy who do the work promised us that they will finish it tomorrow. Besides the letters are still wet and it is about to rain again. So I gave the payment to one of the guys under the shade. He confirmed though that they're a team. Kasama po namin sila mam, he told me so I asked if its ok to give my payment to any of them. Just to make sure that they will finish repainting my tatay's stone. Well, then I guess I have to revisit my father again next Sunday.

Please stay safe and healthy at all times. I love you all. 🥰🙏

Thank you so much for your time. God bless us all and let us keep praying for each other and for our world. 👍🙏💚🙏👍

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I am @sashley a.k.a. shirleynpenalosa, a recipient of God's love, mercy and grace. :-) ❤

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