Feel the Fear - Do It Anyways

When I was viewing the two documentaries I talked about in yesterday’s post the phrase I’ve heard from veterans over the years is “feel the fear and do it anyways” in reference to how they deal with the fear that battle can generate kept coming to mind. Interesting timing as the prompt for Drop in the Ocean at the @buddyup server this week is ‘fear’. Or maybe it was because of the prompt. Some other recurring themes have been going on that seems to be pushing that this story wants told.

Back in January 1977, when I was the ripe old age of 19, I was working for my parents in their general store. It was one of those bitter cold days in January where the sun is out but the air is so brittle it takes your breath away. My next younger sister had an appointment with a doctor in Peterborough.

My mother was going with her but since she wouldn’t drive on winter roads, she wanted dad to drive them up. I was most happy to be looking after the store and @artemisnorth. Not only didn’t I have to go out in the cold, but, didn’t have to deal with the other two.

Shortly after they left, our milk delivery and a pop delivery arrived which kept me busy for a bit. While all this was going on I noticed a guy enter the store. He was one of a group of guys who lived in an old converted bus nearby and spent most of their time drunk and on the dole.

Just as I got the pop guys out of the way the phone rang. It was dad, they were in Warkworth. Dad told me to close the store and come get them, they had blown a frostplug on the car. As I hung up the milk delivery guy, Walter, hustled across the store and pointed to the front door where I could see in the mirror the customer was heading.

“He’s got a shirt under his coat” he whispered.

I went down one side of the store while Walter came around behind the guy heading for the door. I reached the front of the store just as he touched the door handle.

“Hey!” He stopped. “Open your coat please.” He looked around, saw Walter right behind him and did as I asked, bringing the shirt he had just stolen out. I should be calling the cops but with the parents waiting to be picked up, I didn’t have time for this.

“Did you forget to come pay for that?” Kept my voice pretty neutral, I really wanted to rip the dude a new one. He nodded. “Well now is your chance to, let’s go.” He reached for the door, Walter reached for him, and I reluctantly had to say “let him go”.

I quickly thanked Walter for having a sharp eye and helping out. Then I explained what was going on. I needed him to finish up so I could go. I left him and went into the living quarters to let Artemis know she needed to get ready to go with me.

Off we went. Picked up the stranded travellers. Returned to the store and off they went again, this time in my car. The day was pretty quiet business wise as it often is in January. After doing some chores around the store I sat down at the back to read.

Later in the afternoon a customer entered the store. He spent some time on the dry goods side looking at the jeans we had for sale. I stood behind the cash counter watching him in the mirror and hoping this was not going to be a repeat of the morning.

After a while he came around and asked me if we had a size 32 with a 33 leg. Relieved that he was an actual customer, I went across to the jeans and checked. No, we had 32 and 34 leg but no 33. He thanked me and left. I thought it a bit odd. In those days, it was common to buy jeans a bit long and then just turn up the cuff. I shrugged and returned to my book.

A few minutes later the door opened again and I got up to go behind the cash counter. It was the time of day when people usually started stopping in to pick stuff up on the way home.

As I came down the aisle I’m not sure what registered first: the balaclava, the rifle levelled at me or the nervous command to empty the cash register.

Nor am I sure what thoughts registered first: the terror at seeing a rifle pointing at me, my pounding heart, the thought he was the guy who had just been in or the thought that I needed to get him out before Artemis came out for something and this went south fast.

My hands were shaking as I reached for the button to open the register. I handed him every bill, cash and the invoices for the deliveries we’d had earlier. He ordered me to get down behind the counter and not to look up .. And he was gone.

What seemed a few moments later, a customer entered the store. My heart was still pounding when I stood up and asked, in a voice louder than usual, if the bewildered looking guy if he’d seen anyone around. He said no and without another word I headed to the phone to call the police.

As the phone rang at the detachment I pressed the buzzer to summon Artemis. I needed the phone number for that doctor. The phone was answered at the cops. I quickly identified myself and informed the constable we had just been held up. I was stunned to hear a response of “You’re kidding!” come from the other end of the phone just as Artemis appeared.

I didn’t answer the cop. Instead I asked her to go find the doctor’s number. The mention of the word ‘doctor’ apparently brought the copy back to business. He quickly asked if everyone was okay, instructed me to lock the doors and assured me cars were enroute. I didn’t need to be told twice about locking doors.

I got off the phone. Got the still bewildered customer his cigarettes, told him to pay us later, ushered him out the door and locked it. The whole time the adrenaline had me feeling like I was on overdrive.

When Artemis brought the doctor’s number I called up and got dad on the phone. Apparently my voice was rather calm when I informed him they should come home right away as we’d been held up. He responded with a calm, “Okay, we’ll be right home” and hung up.

I learned later my mother and sister walked out of the doctor’s office to find him standing in the middle of the waiting room, white as a sheet. Apparently my words didn’t fully register until he was off the phone.

Later, much later, those two odd responses would be seen by me as two funny spots of the hold up.

It would be several hours before I actually did physically calm down. It doesn’t take much, including the sight of a balaclava, to take me back there. No, the guy was never caught. He got away with about $300 bucks.

Like those vets had so often told me, I had felt the fear and responded anyways.

Until Next Time — Just Steem on

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