Update on life as a dad!

Well I have been a dad for just over 4 months now. My baby daughter is going to have the most eclectic taste in everything as I am bombarding her with strange things everyday. The early phases of child hatching/training (yay for pokemon) involves interaction with some slight repetition in ritual like fashion in order to appease the tiny beast. A pacifier was introduced early, I would provide a picture but she won't let me have it, something about me being not trustworthy but then again I may be misinterpreting.

So far my child enjoys the following bands which I all recommend: Wu-Tang, Sabaton, Skrillex, Buffalo Springfield, Hatebreed, Lamb of God, Project Jam! (specifically the opening theme for One Punch Man), any type of dubstep/ trap and bass mix, In This Moment, Avril Lavigne, Caravan Palace, Will I. Am, songs from the Jungle Book, and the Pokemon Theme.

My child has been read a bunch of children's books, the wife insisted. Something about the baby learning, which I figured would happen when she leveled up. Anyhow when it comes to books that aren't lame I have also been reading her books from the Warhammer 40k universe, because she has to know that happy endings don't always exist, but it helps if you are a badass.

So far I am her favorite person. She lights up like a Christmas tree whenever I arrive, and she must be satiated with acknowledgement or she squeaks like a baby raptor. I enjoy the squeaks, but I also enjoy the love. I am torn....

The baby does not respond to shots well. I mean, nothing medical, she just gets very fussy. Which I understand. I got stung by a yellow jacket the other day and that was also unwanted so I do get where she's coming from. On a side note, I need to murder a hive or two.

This is the crib, the lair of the beast. Or it would be if she tolerated it. But it is not near me, therefore it is peasant fodder she can't be bothered with, as only daddy's presence will satiate the dark rage that dwells within her. She is definitely my child. Quick temper. Very self focused. Loves to poop. We have so much to bond over if we weren't so occupied with ourselves, but eventually she will speak to me with words, and that will undoubtedly reveal the truth. She wants to kill me to overtake the house. I admire her ambition.

Currently she is screaming at me because she got shots at the doctor's today. She really can't handle her liquor. Just kidding! They were medical shots I'm told, so I'm sure it is to stunt her rage and further her chi development.

She hasn't started rolling over yet, which is disappointing. Her world conquest will have to wait until she masters the ability to upend herself. And no teeth quite yet, which is fortunate for the mother as we are breastfeeding. I'm sure her fangs will grow in strong if they are related to her war cries.

But seriously this baby is pissed and I have to go. I hope you enjoyed the update. There will be more to come. If you liked this comment and I will do this type of post more often.